Blink of a visual…!

 This missing lately witb time now and where it’s leading and stuff yesterday some friends friend event half way you come out and out for drive and back home that one feeeeeel of missing him!!!!!!!

In a different way!!!!!

It’s been soooooo soooooooooo long charlie like initially you didn’t think it would this way but now it’s a weird feeeel as the missing grows…

No dream this morning too and this wait through the workout event post workout as you switch tracks to find the one with the him vibe and this one SOME track it was!!!!!!!

SOME find it was!!!!!!

It’s this beat change and throug the move it’s this light blinking visual of his car from back then you waiting at the gate him waiting for you and you still wondering what he meant by I don’t want to but have to whisper of his as he just stays there looking at you throug the rear view and you everything in you wanting to just run to him and you couldn’t like that day you wanted to hold him hug him away chummi him away cause the waaaaay he was that day with you or just the way he looked that adoooooorably high his eyes his that one high smile him not wanting to look away like he knew already what he was going to do next and you just couldn’t make sense of it cause there was that much love rushing throug him for you that you could literally see and yet was all different….it’s these moments of him waiting for you to turn after dropping you it’s those moments from that day that evening at his place as you couldn’t reach out to him as his sister said she would drop you home and wanted you to stay back with her for a bit…

It was different very ajeeb and yet with it all it was beautiful cause you could still feel his love for you…it was only later he actually tells you by what he meant with that whisper of his like in that call post bup he that clearly did remember that moment with you and tells you it wasn’t you it was cause of your mom…

This one track charlie did bring back all those moments and this lost feeeel with it cause some moemnts relived of his and this one feeeeel no wonder you could never give up!!

Donno what donno how something bout him something in the way…!

Even today through the moves this track on loop and every bit of him every visual of al those moments of him waiting for you to turn to him after dropping you home like that wait was always there and that one smile of his after you turn SOME VISUALS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This much HIM rushing through even as you write now memory trips like these I swear!!!!!!!!!

You were missed the most this morning you gorgeous lil big adooooooorable soul if you only knew bey!!!!!!!!

The THE AMIND!!!!!

 As you write this very first word down the waaaaaays a moment for a moment can leave you with is beyooooond!!!!!!

Like you can still feeel it as you write now!!!!!

A dream like this one today him in a black proper shirt of a brushed cotton like reallllly sooooft cause that’s all you could feeeeeel this morning there was no sound nothing no other movement but just the way as you take that one turn cause it was one restless night of sleep with barely any sleep mind still that lost and early hours prolly that one turn and the waaaaaaaaay he holds you away pooora like suddenly you don’t feel sense smell anything else but just him and HOWWWW!!!!!!!!!

This for one second you open your eye to live him and you see the shirt most of the buttons unbuttoned which he sometimes used to back then too and the way that one visual makes you hold him hide away in him all the more and the waaaay he just held you charloe it was different the waaaaaay it that strongly felt like again you weren’t the only one missing him!!!!!!

And you donno when or how you finally fall asleep waking up like always that THAT much scent of him still around because it again made you look for him around…

To the workout done and that one longing for the post workout moment it’s that curiosity now charlie how is he going to come today what is it going to make you feeel away!!

Play this track from yesterday and there he was as you stretch upwards that one sense of him again over the neck it felt that strong that it made you move and lose balance……like it used to back then fr real!!!!!!

Strangely what made that one moemnt feel more magic like was after losing balance you see him that one glimpse of him showing his teeth off after doing the same back then it’s weird as you write out now cause ut totally sounds madness but in that moment to feel that sense of his presence and that strongly beyond any logics!!!!!

As the track grows that one feeeeeel of his arms around you as you move through the postures like you could just feeeewl him around you this one line from the track that sounds something like drapes my heart it that beauuuuuuuutifully felt like draped all around by him through those moves like it one point made you hold yourself cause it was that strange mix of feeeeeeling him his arms around and missing it too…

It’s a mix of too happy and too lost at once…!

There is nothing I say that could even come close to making you feeeeeeeeeeel all this away the way anything to do with him does……..

It’s a mind smiling and missing him away kinda vibe today cause you met him and miss him too at once…

Feeels!!!!

 It’s these series of moemnts today like any other day actually like from that moment on that one rush of him glimpses of him from the drives moments in crowd everything to anythung and you were all Him and HOW!!!!!

It just still makes you very happy strangely does……to just relive it all to just relive him every lil detail bout him his eyes sparkling under the direct sunlight him smiling that amworkinfmymagiconyou and you know it kinda smile his one hug like one hug could sum up away every feeeeel in the world like just one hug and it’s all there is to it!!!!!!

His voice sound of his chuckle scent of him his presence to just knowwwww to just live him charlie - life and happiness I say!!!!!!

At the studio working on designs discussions mind lost already and the manager goes over how every single time she has to remind which design you chose for which color that you keep forgetting and how bad a memory you had and you just smile it away!!!!!

It’s the very same you just that one video of his with that cutey his hand the waaaaay his hand moves brings back those moments of him trying to take something out of luckys mouth that very same way kya khake aya tu with that adoooooooorable tone of his voice trying to act mad at lucky you know that tone doing the same way with you and how adooooooooooorable he used to sound getting mad charlie ayyyaaaaaaaa poooora love I say!!!!!

His facial expressions his voice and you always laughing over it used to get him even more mad but you just couldn’t somehow cause to you those moments were when he looked sounded his LOVE best!!!!!!

Things bout him lilst of them and the waaaay they are with you in moments like these visuals like these sounds like these…and something to do with just yesterday you don’t remember!!

Writing writing how only you were missed yet again howleeeee aunty can never thank you enough for this one I say!!!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa if only he knewwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!

To just know, to just belong…!

 In that very moment as she smiles back at you take the turn shut your eyes wit the track playing there he was…..there were many times charlie people looking at you lost in each other and the way they would just smile be it that college bus passing by on a drive and the girls wave back at smile back and the way he would just look at you in that moment and smiiiiileeeeeeeee that one smile away that makes you feel realise how happy someone was to have you in their life like you could just see in him the way he would look at you smile at you that one smile and then add Teri Surat he aisi hai maloom pull your cheek away…..

Even in malls sometimes just look at you from a distance and ayyyaaaaaaaaaa that one Khushi in his stare and the way he would rush back to you and just grab your arm away…..

Today in that very moment all these moments of him feeeewling that love away for you that one voice of his saying the same rushes through you…

It’s when moments like these hit you charlie out of nowhere…..it’s prolly the most beautiful thing more than love itself to just know how happy your mere existence can make someone feel!!!!!!

To just be loved the way he did!!!!!!!

Apart from everything that is today it’s these moments charlie that rush through you out of nowhere and the way it still makes you go how fucking lucky did you actually get for just having found Him!!!!!!!!!!!

Feeeeels!!!!!

 These feels charlie of moments out of nowhere that sometimes makes you wonder if it’s just your mind feeeeeling it all away or things like these happen for real like real mein actual mein moments of magic or just moments of wonder out of nowhere…

Or it’s just the missing hitting you too hard!!!!!

Today out for work in a jam close to the signal and this his artist you are discovering new tracks from and this one track starts to play the waaaaay it eases your mind out makes you a sit a lil lower in the seat just like he used to on drives slows your mind out and you ask Venky to take the longer route to work and this one man across the street like you were in the right side the guy on the extreme left lane walking in a black tee his style that collar up style high neck jeans same fit as he used to walking close to his style of walking and that strong rush in you the way the walk pace falls that beautifully in sync to the track and the him high rushing throug you…..

Ask Venky fataaak se to go a lil closer just so you get a glimpse but not too close so he knows and he asks you want me to stop the saar cause he knew has to be somebody important for you to get all that worked up like amidst the crazy jam asking him to take an extreme left between the cars and directing him to not go too close to Him……

Cause you knew !!!!!! So you just wanted to get a glimpse of him a lil closer and you realise wasn’t him……

That one sinking feeeeeel every single time charlie!!!!!

To just a lil ahead there was this weird feeel beautifully weird feeel to just self realise how bad HOW BAAAAAD you miss him after that attempt of rush to get a glimpse of him for real….and as the car slows down taking a u turn this one side the cleaning ladies of the road sitting over the fence and one just smiles at you as you pass by is when you realise you had a smile on just feeeeling him away living him away in that black tee from that moemnt at the salon or for real in his picture from the birthday him looooking absoooooooluteky sexyillllyyyyy beauuuuuuuuuutiful I say!!!!!!

Cause the way he looked surprised at the same time just happy to smile back…..you had the Him smile on!!!!

Moments!!!!

 Not sure if the missing lately been too much or you just trippin on him when a Chet faker wallpaper now on ur fone looks like him chilling over a piano and suddenly you loove it all the more much now…….

Lights out his music it could be nice playing few sips gin down and this state of mind when even some crime show running you still gotta smile on akelee akelee cause that living that THAT one smile has these effects on you that last waaaaaay longer than the moment…

Mornings!!!!!!

 It’s been a himhigh state of mind like no other!!!!!!

Visuals charlie all there is to it and the things they can do to your mind I say is beyooooooond!!!!!!!

U loved the pup but ayyyaaaaaaaaaaa the waaaaaaay that adoooooooorableness of his took over it all I say!!!!!!!

He is a VIBE I say!!!!!!!!!

As the day ends it’s that different level of missing that hits you and makes you miss him all the more in a different way!!

To this morning waking up with no dream heart looking forward for the post workout moment and the manager drops over mid workout pace gets slow with work stuff to take care as you workout and amidst all your mind how do I get out of this to that moment…

Finally done ask her to give sometime and finally on your own play his music and the waaaaaaaaaaay it brings the Versova moments back and HOW!!!!!!

Everytime you miss that specific meet his closeness moments from the meet the way it always comes down to this one track as he did play this track too in that very moment androcell one…

And the waaaaaaaaaaaay he comes along with it charlie ayyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa like he is right there through the moves with that sound of his…….not wanting you to move away him holding your arm the way he keeps tracing away every feature of yours not wanting you or him to look away his heartbeat breath that stare that one smilleeeeeeeee to moments every bit of it the eaaaaay it rushes throug you!!!!!!

Strange realisation today not sure if it’s the music you are choosing or it’s yoga the stretches that feeels liberating in the most beautiful of ways strangely sensual too it’s like a whole vibe as you pace through it……..it definitely is very liberating!!!!!!!!

But it’s this vibe of his that definitely transformed the complete process!! And HOW!!!!!!!!!!!

A morning state of you like this one mind I say beautifully ajeeb on a different note!!!