Magic...!

 That one fraction sec of magic!!!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaaaaaa nites like these !!!!!!!!

In the balcony living this beauuuutiful rush of him on a beautiful nite like this and there he comes for a sec.....

And takes you to his adooooorable sudden sneaky moments in the shortest chaddi possible beauuuuutofullest messiest hair possible and sleepiest eyes half in sleep comes over complaining why you suddenly hung up when he was sleep missing you.....again his usual on some nites he wpild sleep miss you almost slipping into sleep start missing you and come to see you.....

AyyaaaAaa charlie the wayyyy he would look even more beauuuuuuuuuutiful half asleep it was those days when all he wanted was to be loved just to be loved ......the way he wouldnt let you anything and even tell you initially mein chummi ke liye nai aya and just hold you and sleep on your lap.....all of you still wanting to chummi him the waaAy he looked that Adorable but also the waay he would just literally sleep over your lap on the floor of the terrace....

Moments like those there's nothing else no place else yoy woild rather be at no other love you rather be loved as.....

Just Him, always been...!

Howleeeeeeeeeee YOU were missed and HOW!!!!!!!

In this very moment here again!!!!!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaaaa THAT happiest!!!!!!

Right from the start...

 That very first mirror stare him tieing his lace and you ask for your fone and he just looks up at the mirror to look at you just by your sound cause the instructor she was standing close to him looking for ur fone and you were loiking at her and see him looking at you through the mirror athe waaaaay he just holds you away......

Not a blink nowhere to look else, just him.....right from that start the waaay it felt like he just owned you .....the waaay you just dint wanna look away and also that initial thing you must look away but the way nothing in you wanted to look away .. the way that stare of his just held you away.....no smile nothing just that stare no wonder mirror starez have been his thng always.....the way he loooved holding you away making you stand with him and then looking at you in the reflection....it was that sense of how happy he was to have you in his life.....

It's only when you lose smthing as beautiful as that do you realize what it meant....it's not just love that one looks for charlie it's that feeeeling of how someone is happy to have you how happy someone truly is to have your life and how your presence fills up that sense of pride in them.....

Right from his stare to his smile to his random talk to his cute angry talks to his touch his smell his presence his evruthung hmmm thing to every moment lived with him that one wish!!!!!!!

It's when you visually live yourself living those moments back in time in that very place and feel how truly happy you were....that beautifully complete cause you had everything youd never even asked for...!

That was the happiest you ever were, Him...

Time!!!!!

 Today there just looking around walking around with the sound playing....him rushing breathing through you thus beauuuuuutifully how times change......

The only thing that screamed through that vibe you were living there, how times change.....

When you live these moments it sort of connects to your reality adds that meaning to it gives that answer to that question that never even popped in your head....like you know it in a way just answers away smthing in you for you...

How do you even go on when you are still there where you've been right there in that moment with him still with you......the waaay it just amazes you it's the same you charlie that never manages to remember what happened yesterday what needs to be brought smthing on the list anything at all you have the worst memory.....

Things to do with him anything to everything him the waaaaaay it's this beauuuuuutifully clear like it all happened just yesterday like he was there with you in that moment just yesterday the way it's just this beauuuuuutifully clear.....even today as you were there the way the place still looks that beautiful like it ina way like all his places retained that sense of Him in corners like you could still see him walking upto the chai wala looking at his beauuty under the yellow street light....to just live him charlie to just be loved by him.....

Kabhi lagta nai was it really too much to ask for in life.....

When you live him in his places relive that him that way of his love for you to live that feeeeeling of him being proud to have you in his life proud to have you beside him meant the world to you!

It's when you live these moments in a place of his it actually gives that feel on your spine just the song it's that sense of wanting more of him to continue that moment there....to turn and kiss him away taking the bottle from his back seat to hold him away as he sits close to you with chai ....to run to him as he walks to the chai wala....like you know to continue these moments memories to hold him again skip the mango topic and get back in chummi his pout away......

Like you know from pause of your memory to play the memory again and this time for real.....

Like to give away anything to be able to live that love all over again.....wanting that same feel in your eyes sensing that lilove of his all those days all those days all those lilst of moments to relive them for real again......and this time with more of Him in each and evry moment....

Today the thingsssss that place of his made you feel was beyond words.....

Way beyond words and logic...!

That surreal.......

Becoming Him...

 As you live this beauuuutiful rush of him writing and reliving him now in your most loved corner of the house.....

The smell of mogras as they dance away to the wind and you swinging away with and to his sound of music.....the waaaaaay some sounds n smells can make you feeel.....and then to see that same flock of white birds flying away this love for the nites....back then when he would just talk bout how late nites make him feel more love you more and this feeeeeling ever since then nites when you relive that feeel that echo of his voice talkin bout his loce for the nites lil did you know you would be living nites like these toooo.....

It's the way him loving you was all n mote bout making you Him.....just the waaaaay every touch of his did make you a lil more him from habits to likes to the random stugf a lil more him......

The waaaay his face would light up charlie ayaaaa these white birds and his beauuuutiful mind flying stars.....

Exactly also why you love this track every moment every single one if only you wish you could relive again.....how truly lucky you did get in those moments with thise moments lilst of him with that much love.....is why it doesn't really matter nothing else does when they talk bout having somebody in life for real.....

For you it's always been bout wanting to be loved again by him wanting to be looked at him touched by him lived by him to live with him to Life with him......it's not bout having somebody in life it's bout having him in your life it's always been.....

If nothing it's thus way the way you do now.....

Today all these moments and then when finally you ask for the chai galli stop and get off and just walk around there with no stalls nothing now....no chai no food stalls nobody around you jsur walk with the song playing.....

When there you always used to ask him to park under the light where you could see him under the street light him waking to the chai wale getting it to your side and sitting on thebdoor side space with his hand over your leg him being a coffee person thta moment thise evenings was juts bout to live that moment with you....

The waaaaay he loooked that beauuuutiful charlie ayyaaaaaa the waaaaay he woiod look at you and just knowwwwww you were lost in him and then just reach out and play some song to suit that moment just right and then smileeeeee cause that vibe made him that happy ekdum see....he had this thing bout music and moments like he needs to have a specific song playing in that very moment and if it syns well he would replay the same one over....

To just living thise initial closest moments there this need to drink water immediately after chai it's not good tho but this habbut of yours and he used to keep the bottle on the side initially but later did start to leave the bottle in the back seat which he did like everything 3lse tell you later about....

Like he knew your habit of having to drink water post chai and you look to the side for it and he would tell you it's at the back seat just bout to leave from there and you turn and reach out and that was your moment closest to him face wise.....those first moments of being closest to him and the waaaaaaaay he would just look at you in that moment that feeeeeel charlie to just live tat beauuuuty of his from that close first time......and that slowly come closer and dash his forehead away to yours.....and this another thing that you belived in and it's love doesn't haporn with anybody else....did become just your thing with him...

One more takkar nai thoo you end up fighting.....kab takkar maara ki uneee fir return nai kari tho ye hua shayad!

Smthings nai scene ke beech mein ting bolkeeeee strike hoteeee ayaaaaaa!!!!!

Soooo ya!!!!!

Much after when he did tell you it was intentional when he would leave the bottle in the back seat instead of the side and make you reach out for it and then live that moment with you closest to you!!!!!!

Some moments!!!!!!

Kabi lagta was it all in this lifetime only?

HIM!!!!!!!!!

 once done there these trees with mangoes as it's the season and that one rush of that moment.....

Just bout to leave and live that moment of not wanting to leave him not wanting you to leave and yet asking you to and you just stand there outside with some bahana to just be there another min longer and live him for a bit longer...and these mango trees right outside his other house and you actually get that excited seeing those ripe mamgoes and ask him ayyya koi todte nai ittee sare aam and look at him still watchjnf you with that one that beauuuutifully familiar smile of his that you loooooived cause that look was him loving you in that moment making you feel he was.....just by the look of it smile of it....like I love her wali smile of his and that you did notice after years......

And you ask him again am serious nobody takes it! And him nodding away sniiiiiling away that beauuuutifully and then in that same again much much familiar tone of his cute angry tone tells you hauu jhaad pe chadke tere liye todke detu ruktu....and you just stand there nodding away and living him cause in that moment you were holding back your reaction as best as you could cause in that moment you knew alone knew what that tone of his meant to you after years there was thing charlie the waaaaaaaaaaaay he would that adooooorable get mad at you and you looooved it when he wood get mad at you just that tone of his voice was pure loce to you like a song being sung to you him being mad at you correcting you were your most loved moments!!!!!!

That day too you just stand there relive that beauuuty of his that love of his for you from back then.....and the way he asks you again jaari nai tu howliii.....and you nod away saying a no and that one face of his knowing exactly why you were doing the tp.....and then changed the topic to tu aur tere sawaal hamesha.....these moments words like these beautiful nai.....when you relive that same moment from the most loved time of your life thinking it eas long gone and then suddenky hear that same sound see that one same exptession that you were that used to see that same love hint of love after years thubkjng it was lost.....ekdum seee to just see it all in that one random moment.....

Ever since then the sight of mangoes brings back two of the things closest his mango and the most beauuuutiful adooooorably possesive moments of his and this one moment from the other house of his.....

Today from that sight to see some guy in the next sec crossing the road wearing same white n blue striped shirt if his to the next sec cement truck passing by......

Some minents nai charlie like it eas that beauuuuuutifully just designed created for you penned for you to live that relive that moment in that very moment.....

Chippppppyyyyyyy tum aaaaaaaj bhotttttt zooooor zoooooooor shooooor dooooor seeeee yaaad aaareeee miyaaaaaa!!!!!!!;

All n just Him!!!!!

 On the way back to reliving all tvise places of him from tbe khushi tiffins to hometown to hay place ti tibba franky to the I love C petrol bunk sing to his actual places pizza hut bake house to gym wali galli to the tarnaka petrol bunk where you meet him on giur birthday as you get in at the air section of tbe bunk and you ask the driver to fill up the fuel there.....choose the section closest to that air section just so you could just be there and relive that adooorableness of his when some uncle stares through the car and he starts blink on n off just so the uncle stops staring.....to just heating up the car cause he notices your red cold nose and freshly washed hair just as he used to like it.....and even be it late winter evening you made sure it eD done......ayyyaaaaaaa some memories even as you write now thise fkahses of him this beauuuuuutifully clear from that evening......howleeeeeeee YOUUUYUUUYY adooooooooooorable lil big beauuuutiful thing how only you were missed I say how onlyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!

most beautiful weakness...

 This thing charlie pehle pehle bhot lagtaa thaa ayaaa ye bole who bol diyee bolkeee....

Ab nai hota kabi kabi in that moment slightest ting but it's the after when you sort get drawn to moments like these that sort of add that meaning make that sense why you feel the way you do....why it's the way it is.....why he is all this and more to you!!!!!!

Today at work working on zardozi stuff the start of it and right in the mdidle of discussing designs you listen to this sound of another ddlj playing from one of those handwork guys at work and that need to be out and play thus song away instead....

This song charlie it's all feeeks that you hide away from cause you make sure those don't get awakened ......

It's also those everyday feels thise lilst of feels of him the everyday moment kinds too.....how you sort of don't feel em anymore and keep your mind off it...from the basics love to the levelssss of love n life you just keep your mind off.....like that's when and why maybe music his music and any music that allows you to feel him live him relive him in that moment for that moment has become your life now.....it's your oxygen it's your hideout your own space that you can just be with and feel that sense of belonging....cause in those corners yoy find him out of nowhere.....the corners where it still holds that feeeel of his presence like he is still threre with you and you arent all by yourself and alone, like he is there in that sound with you...

That moment you coildnt stay longer at work and get away and ask the driver first to take you to habsiguda....

On the way up the volume of the song and this feeeeeeeeeeel charlie it fills you with is something else, beyooond words...