Monday 23 March 2020

The sound...

this weird thing now the more you write.....

when your mind keeps going off n on like you are writing bout a certain smthing and woooosh bolke it drifts to smthing else....

this one realization or random tho ekdum see.... so many tthings have happened over the last few years and youve smhow kept a check if he was okay or not this being the first time ever when smthing this big has happened and  you cant ask check on him if he is okay n safe and hopefully back at his place for the time being.... but kabi infact iss baaar laga smthing this has happened being the first time ever and usku ek baaar bi nai laga hoga even as someone he once knew to say the least ki pooche is you were okay or not.....

soooooooooooooo yaaaa the moment......

all this while too many things n you couldnt somehow get the kind of time off to watch the shows youd been wanting to so acthing up n most where narcos you that badly wanted to but samaj nai ata screen ku dekhna ki neeche padna kya dialogue hai bolke its one of those looks good and cant help it kinda thing.... designated survivor ab ek president ko har din add up add up one thing or the other kind of plot you now lost track on to His monty wala did a few and now this show has you hooked......

just getting better the more you watch now and this evening too after many movies down this one show sort of right before sleeping to chill or to slip into a nap kinda show it is.....

and lazing over watching it and you dont realize when or how cause it deff was an odd hour for  the nap but you do slip into one....

and right before finding that comfy spot like still adjusting over the cushion and you could smell him that THAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT close to you look a lil up still confused over the moment and the intro track plays as it moves to the next episode the bojack theme and you see him to that sound.... navy blue shirt full grown glorioussssssssss beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuty of his daaaaaadi loooove also writing writing this one thing again how luuuuuuuuuuucky this same feeeeeling again to just be abl eto live that beauuuuuuuuuty of his i swear luckiest pair of eyes or the luckiest one to be more precie.........


sooooooooo yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

navy blue shirt and the waaaaaaaaay he just looks you in the eye and nods that one lil nod of his and shows you over his lap and asks you waisa nai soti pehli sothi thii na and looks over his lap again.....

and that feeeeeeeeeeeeeeling of being drawn and HOWWWWWWWWWW you try to move yourself closer to him lil by lil literally pulling yourself closer to him just so you could lay your head over his lap and before you know you wake up still in process of reaching to that exact point where you saw him.....

THAT one feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeling always when you realize what the moment was to what your still state is in process of moving closer to him and suddenly wooooooosh gone.....

that one feeeeeeeeeel THAT one feeeeeeeeeeling i swear !!!!!!!!!

the only part where the reality connects with the dream/moment you just lived.....

you try to go closer and wooooooosh disappears.....

it was the exact same thing that he did said which he did years ago.....

one of those first meets after the bup and on the way to his place and he just looks at you looks at the distance between the two cause you and him both werent used to you sitting away that away from him..... it was the exact same weirdness that youd felt and to just watch him feel live the same feeeeeling - SOMETING else !!!!!

the waaaaaay he just looks at the distance and then looks over at his lap in a way asking you to do what you used to.... to a lil later when he finally says na chummi na ek hug nothing you did and whoo bhi sitting that far away from him.....

it was only in the chat later on when he mentions bout it..... how he was actually waiting hoping you would sleep over his lap like you used to back then......

today years after and this has happened many a times before too when youve lived the same or similar vibe of feeeling hsi presence before just secs before slipping into a nap or smthing.....

that one feeeeeeeeeling right after realizing you lived the exact same presence of his from back then and then t not find him there and you call your mom out asking her to sit there just soo you could lay your head over her lap and the sec you do and that one feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeling again......

cause hers was softer and his being hard..... lap wise..... this onlyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy exaaaaaaaaaaactly why writing was off all this while......

the very first time or first few times it was bout when you had just started to lay your head over his lap and you tell him its hard and the way he would control his bestest level to not laugh over what you just said and just in that controlling his laugh or smile tone voice of his would request literally request you to not say it that way.... and you being you with no sense of what he was asking pleading you not to say as did say it the same way...... that adoooooooooorably actually suggesting terms to be used karely use toned lap lean lap or anything but not feels hard kinda lines....

this thing bout writing him moments like these it strangely even in this weird state of mind it does leave a smile on as you write now.....

ab he wasnt just this or that after all to you !!

this one thing everytime you miss him like this recalling some moment out of no where how truly one someone needs to be lucky born lucky as for some wish to be fulfilled without even wishing for one...

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