Mornings!!!!!!

 This one feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel of missing out on living him when he doesn’t come and then there’s these moments ever since waking up that he is all around you……dilkush on table some neighbour gets it some mention bout chetana opposite neighbour mom making chikudkayi for lunch like it’s all there and more of everything him……and from getting ready for work to sudden switch to getting in the short workout just cause there was that strong urge and need to feeeeeeel him away!!!!!!!

There’s this beauuuuuuuty every single time when you feeeeeeeel him this way like there’s SOOOOO Much touch and sound of him that you feeeel it that strongly as you move dance or stretch how you still donno but that much him the waaaaaaay you feel him over is beyond magic……to this one song from playlist plays and the very visual of him in Dd house in his room watching lord of rings on his laptop laying beside him……and when him on movie mode you really can’t disturb or divert him but your mind all him and this one time you look at him moving a lil away and that beauuuuuuuuuty of him him watching it that seriously without even a side eye at you……ayyyaaaaaaaaaaa the waaaaaaaay your heart feeeels away in that moment like that strong need to eat him awaaaay hold him squish him away and you can’t and that very second he looks at you and raises his eyebrow asking what’s up and you nod away saying nothing still watching him and he does it again and in ishaara you point your face towards him and the waaaaaaaaaaay he smiles away saying chal picture dekh and you nod saying a nod and the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay he leans over a lil chummis you and then again says it ab picture dekh and you nod again and that chuckle of his just bout to chummi you again and you stay on his lip and start talking complaining rather mein picture dekhne nai aye cause it had been a month just a MONTH having seen him and the waaaaaaaay you still complaining he chummi eats your face away and as he does the way he that adoooooooooooorably like back then used to say aisaaaa!!!!!!

It’s that rushhhhhhh of him his sound of voice him saying certain words him moving him blinking him smiling him nodding him chuckling away ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa the waaaaaaaaaaay you looooooooooved living away every detail of his……like as you move post workout that one feeeeeeeeelnof him through those visuals from that moemnt was like actual mein living those moments with him today on the mat…..

Like you spend your evenings mostky working and watching his chuckle video with ringo his sound of voice and that him editing video recently…..

Having lived him looooooooved him that way focusing on something and like that used to be your ultimate fav time cause then all that him is yours to live loooove and adooooore away every detail of his……

Some moments and this state of mind now be it living him on the mat from back then in his room to now reliving it all away this rushhhhhhhhhhhhhh today!!!!!!

Like the missing the neeeding the feeeeeeeling this beauuuuuuutifully worse now…

Some days you just donnoooooo how to have a normal practical face on out!!!!

When there’s THIS much going on in the inside right now……!

Sing miyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ayyyaaaaaaaaaa teraaaaaa buzzzzzzzz buzzzzzzzzzzzzdddddddd n howwwweeeeeee I sayyyyyyy!!!!!!!

I swear charlie if only he had the chinniiiiiiessssst idea!!!!!!!! 

Somethings!!!!

 The joy of somethings no matter how many times you live it is unmeasured!!!!!!

Like you cant just be oh so normal bout it!!!!!!!

His face on your whatsapp pinned above all ahhhhhhh whattttteeeeeeeeee beautyyyyy i swear i saaay!!!!!

Watching some weird twisted action first on recomm boney movie randomly played as you are still working and gintonicking your way through it and the very first thing that pops ok screen is this…

The MOST loooooooooooooved year of your life yet… 

2009

And that need to just like that live this wild wild beauty away and every single time this one feeeeeeeeeel of overloaded mush in your heart every single time you see him……….

This lil overjoyed overhimhiiiiiighd overlooooooved heart of yours…!

Opera!!!!!!!

 Not sure if it’s too much missing or it actually was a himcoming and not just your mind himtripping away!!!!!!!

Like you open your eyes and see it’s still night out and looking to the left it was like in middle of nowhere and his voice the sound of him saying should’ve got chips along nai and look to your right there he was ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaa THERE HE WAS!!!!!!!!

In a heart of yours shirt THE BLACK shirt!!!!!!

Looking down in some bag for something to eat and you just live that beauuuuuuuty of him still saying something but it’s that feeeeeel when you are toooooooo deeeeep into a visual thing you lose sense of the sound cause that’s how much you are soaking away the visual it was the same exact vibe……him from today though lil lil daaaadi hair still messy short shirt his style wide open the way he was doing the kid talk pouting his lips away………some music playing the guitar strings and strings and howwweeeeeeee!!!!!!

Hold his face and go to his side of the car over him and him screaming areeee mera bag hai neeche lemme put aside first and you just couldn’t the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay he looks in that moment shocked and still smiling his happiest smile awaaaaay……..hold his hand away as he tries to hold you and just do it his way lean over him more to chummi him and then just don’t and a lil away and u the waaaaaaaaaaay he smiiiiiles away that beauuuuuuuutifully slowly whispering away still pouting his lips aisaaaaa mera style copy karti and you just nod cause you couldn’t say a word beyond him to just live him every detail of him that waaaaaaay YOUR HEART AND LIFE right there I say!!!!!!!!!

As you go closer the waaaaaaaaay he stops smiling and looks even more beauuuutiful and you finally tell him kitaaa wait Kari to say this again you are beautiful and the waaaaaay he chuckles away saying say it again say it your way and the way it sounds that familiar the way he says it the tone of his voice asking you to say it again your way and you do, take 2 tell him again you are beauuuuuutiful and the waaaaaaaaaaaay even in the middle of finishing the word beauuuutiful he kisses you away……..the waaaaaaaaaaaay he does even as you write now was like literally taking you off and away closest to him like literally pulling closer by the chummi!!!!!!!!!!

It’s that feeeeeeeeeeeeeeel of deeeep diving away into him kinda feeeeeeeel and you wake up head in the pillow!!!!!!

His eyes his smile his nod his lips his entire being in that visual in that moment the way all of him to every bit of him the waaaay he moves the sound of his voice even as you write now GORGEOUS MADNESS I say!!!!!!!

It’s the waaaaaaaay it brings the actual you alive and HOWWWEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

Had to had to feeel him more get in the workout dancing max moving max finding this new gorgeous music that elevates the whole himtrip experience this morning!!!!!!

The place looked like same opera back then but the him was from the now……..the whole moment experience of living him was the now you this missing him version of you the more you write and relive him from that moment ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaa said it before can say it over a zillion times more love him LOOOOOOOOVE every bit of him!!!!!!!!!!!

Even the sound of his chuckle ayyyaaaaaaaaaa the way it makes you happiest even him looking in the bag for food and complaining bout carrying chips or something to eat that kid tone of his voice pure LOOOOOOOVE I say!!!!!!!

Sing miyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa another day another morning another missing like this one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If he only had the sliiiiiiiightest idea I swear!!!!!!!

This you today refusing to tame down tone down like even the music the dance the vibe of today to the moves along with him today post workout has been one gorgeous madness I say!!!!!!!

This mooood!!!!!

 It’s like your day started with that much him and coming back home you come back with THAT much him!!!!!

Like the complete day there was this wait in you for his some story today as lately it’s been more often on Saturday’s and your Sunday’s are made even with his work post or that with AB group pic it’s just that loooooove to live a moment of him…any moment of him and that wait for today like you keep checking and doesn’t happen…

Now with the music playing sometime back she calls you multiple times and talking to her and you just weren’t in the zone or still not out of himzone….

And this call list you see cause you usually don’t do voice calls calls on WhatsApp and this section and his name tops the list as it’s added as a favourite contact on your phone…and him with his picture right there and no matter how many times you live him it just doesn’t USED TO!!!!!!!

How much how bad you’ve missed living him this way on WhatsApp to just have him there like you alone know HOW BAD you’d missed all these years and how pathetic it used to make you feel but still the pinned chat of his never did go to archive no matter how bad it used to feel just noticing him beeeeeped you away something’s nai bas andaaaar se he nai hota kitttaaaa try karlo bas nai hota nai hua kabhi…

And now to see him looking wild wild beauuuuuuuutiful best like there’s something that trippy bout that picture of his just that vibe of his picture ayyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa that one gorgeous lil big adoooooorable thing I swear!!!!!

Mooood!!!!!’

 There was one point when she even mentions bout those bike rides with her to Habsiguda and that’s when you play two feet in one ear and live the himtrip to the max way possible……

It was when you missed him too much randomly plan to head out and go to this pani puri wala at street number 8 back then be there for a bit walk around reliving him away on those streets having walked along with him on those very streets and all of this nostalgia comes along with her mentioning times with you but in your mind even then it was al HIM!!!!!!

There was that beauty in reliving that missing him too that way that one madness I say like one constant always been there…like now a part of you it was just beauuuuutiful today to just relive your missing him from back then too…to realising how close he really was then…post meet she leaves and you stay back there still living him tripping away!!!!!!

It was perfect Sunday Youday vibe today……like from that missing him to this missing him from this morning today!!!!!

Come a very very long way I say…

Bhot bar lagta charlie how is it going to be like to live him for real standing before you like your first instant reaction him just standing there like to picture him there what would it be like run jump to him or would that rush through you for him would still make you go beautifully weak as it used to back then like a touch of his and you would crumble down melt down instantly kinda wait……or with all this wait of years it would just be simple run jump on him and chummi eat him up away pooora ka poooota in one slurp!!!!!!!

You actually were thinking all this and more today sitting there there was this beautiful chill playlist playing it was COLD today like the coldest and raining now that mooof today the viiiiibe today of your mind himzoned that way was BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!

And you looooooved every bit of it…….!

Changes!!!!!

 The first entry itself when you miss a step trip on the floor even with flat sandals on and she laughs at you saying you haven’t changed a bit shriya cause that long it’s been…..and in your head that one dialogue loop playing through the conversation like your mind was playing moemnts with him through the same time around and that one hit of a realisation it’s been now with 2025 10 dinosaurduckingyears now!!!!!!!

Like one big arrow hitting your ass out of nowhere kinda hit of a realisation it was and everytime it takes you to that moment walking down the stairs of his Dd apartment lil did you know LIL DID YOU KNOW!!!!!!!    

To that visual of him dancing with you dropping you on the floor and you were picturing yourself there and revisualizing yourself there thinking bas that’s it waha se uthnaaa he nai tha nai!!!!!!

Like all through the conversation this one mind this was HIMZONE it was in was complete madness…..like her talking bout how difficult it’s been managing things family and stuff post everything and there was you reliving him from those walks those sudden out of nowhere him deciding to meet you or call you out of nowhere……to just that feeeeeeeeeel of that time from back then….and you just go on with the nod I know it’s selfish but somehow naiiiii huAaa yaaaaar charlie like the mind wasn’t just thinking feeling reliving anything else but Him…like she was talking bout how much she misses the time with you and stuff and there your mind was reliving tripping on him away and HOWEEEEEE!!!!!!

Also could be the after affects of his himcoming from today but that one feeeeeeeeeeeeel just walking through the year gave you today was beyond!!!!!!

Daaaays!!!!!

 When you wake up with THAT much him like that much him in that kinda way that you wake up breathe less it’s that viiiiiiibe of him the sound of him him moving him pushing him breathing that way him looking that way and it becomes a Himcoming like that one after very very long!!!!!!!

It’s that change in you in just the way you wake up breathing high still high on him surprisingly him in a white shirt and still a himcoming like THAT one!!!!!!!

It’s that waaaaaaaaay he first moves slow almost as if dancing and then holds you pulls you and moves along with you and from thaaaaat to another transition even before you make sense of it……

To still getting up making sense of the day and vishu calls up saying she was in India and wanted to meet up and it’s been years and meet her over coffee…..

The first thing she says is you have become prettier but you were happier then cause the last time prolly was when you were at Nacharam and it also was most special cause it was same time around you were meeting him more often post bup…..and ofc had to be happier then!!!!!

To when getting the card out take the wallet out and she notices his picture in your wallet and that one feeeeeeeel everytime you see that pic of his……his passport size pic from the some children’s film festival he had to enroll for for family and he had to put those pictures on each form for his family and he takes out his and the waaaaaaay it makes you that happy the waaaaay he looks that beauuuuutofully wild and gorgeous messy hair burgundy tee saying so late and how laaaaateeeeeee now it feels like…….seeing your face watching his picture he gives that to you and says khush reh cause he exactly knew how much that meant to you!!!!!!

And no matter how many wallets change there’s always this one pic of his inside and today she notices that and you nod saying no questions discussions pls like you did mention this before hand itself bout not asking any question related to this…….

To just random talks bout the walks in the evening there with her and stuff but your mind was playing him all back those evenings just bout texting him him planning to meet and sometimes the way talking to him used to take you on longer walks not realising it’s been over 2 hours since you’d been walking cause post talking to him you always needed that moment to yoruself…and you looooved it around the apartment there was this temple and you would take long walk around it with that feeeeeeel of him rushing through you…

It’s this beauty charlie of living a moment somebody talking something completely else but in your mind as it was the same time around you are living your most loved moemnts through that time…and the more times she mentions 2015 and all you could feeeeel live away smile away to was HIM!!!!!!