Mornings!!!!!

 Mornings like these that just sweeeep swoooooop you off your feet and HOW!!!!!!

You just glow different somehow when you are loved and HOWWWW!!!!!!

As crazy as this sounds that one feeeeeeeel of being loved after decade even if be it in the dream bhi that one face in the world I say!!!!!!!!!!

Like it literallllly shows on your face today!!!!!!

A waking up like this and a very happy workout cause of the waking up today!!!!!

Miyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa tum aaaaaj bhoottttttttttttt zooooor zooooor shooooooooooooor se yaaad aaaaare!!!!!!!

Jaaaaniyaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaja teriii yaaaaadein menuuuu mariyaaaaaa yoooooo!!!!!!!

For now a very happy morning post workout selfie tho bantaaa now thooo one with the C tooo!!!!!!!

Love for Mr.Singh...

 To this morning when it goes back to again the calmness in you that your mom talks bout.....

It's that feeeel charlie like this isn't you the real you.......after him it somehow changed this you did change like that loudness that overtaljative over questioning evrything loud and over the top you went wit him.....

This you now suddenly that calm with less words it's only when you write out when drunk with some song tripling that you almost comes alive......this recent Him song that you loooooved as your mom was listening the other morning ye chand sa Roshan chehra and every single word you were him trippin to this morning when Raghu asks your mom for what make for lunch as it's only veggies and she mentions any veggie Raghu makes to make sure to add sing cause shriya doesn't eat any veggie otherwise......

As a kid you had this hated veggies only chicklen kinda kid.....and to make you eat veggies mom used to add coconut like anything coconut and the inside Mangalorean in you happiest even if it's veggies......now be it lunch dabbas at work being only veg as you prefer chicken at home veggies have sing......that's falli groundnut but starngeky again this wasn't conscious change.....

But the way your mom says it unintentionally this morning to the cook saying she loves sing in any veg thing so just make sure to add sing to it......you watching some series on tv smiling away that happppoy cause you loooooved the sound of the whole scene that vibe of some words.....she loves sing in anything!!!!!

Oh she loves Singh anyway any time I say!!!!!!!

And HOW!!!!!!!!!

some nights i tell you with some sounds just vibe diff like tonight with the growing chill in the air with this rushhhh of him since the morning dream today to moments like these ayyaàaaaaaa this heart i say the waaaaaays it's missed Him!!!!!!!!!!

Transition...

 Days back this video call with vishu and the way she keeps mentioning over and over again as to how much you've changed as a person like more calm now different to what you were before and this yove realised lately but how even with changes outside this something in you could never change.....it only grew more transitioned more into something more beautiful.....

Said it before can say a zillion times over again definitely love him more now than you did before......

It just is that beautifully different.....

This week been tough handling stylists and collabs and this one stylist goes overboard losing her cool over a Uber driver that you sent the outfits with late that hour cause it was an urgent one......she kept screaming over the call about how the driver wasn't able to find her location with you over the call and you just had a smile on through n through the conversation cause there was a lucky Ali track playing in the backdrop of some series that your mom watching on tv.....

She is barely 20 something and that tone of voice that tone of conversation talking bout the struggle to just explain the uber driver the location makes you wonder sometimes how do they even call it a struggle?! Just that mere something becom3s a struggle that hard to deal with......

To the sudden change of opinion bout you with vishu which is also why you try and avoid as much as you can cause of the next big question don't you think shriya it would've better if you had some support to share your success with a partner not that you need any support but to just share your success and happiness with feels different when you have someone in your life.....evry single time nai charlie somebody has come up with a conversation or topic to do with partner love finding love it's this typical movie type of scene that you live through monents like these where the beautiful irony is 5hat the others see the empty side of you on the outside inside theres that flash of him that sudden moemnt sound echo of him that rushes throufbyou in that very moment....

As crazy as this sounds to write out and still you just want to in this moemnt everytime somebody commented had this conversation with you you have felt him all the more stronger with you somehow.....be it in some moment or tat night's dream for sure......like the way he would come on some day like that one specifically was that deeply connected with the moment you lived that day......

Like that extension of the moment with him and his presence, SOMETHUNGS you write and the way it sounds this beautifully crazy i say!!!!!!

A language of love that only you understand connect or relate with...!

To live Him...

 It's this beauuuuuty of living him through the lilst moments through your day or in the dreams of yours.....

Even now scrolling through Instagram about some friends event right below it it was a book post with the wake up sid image of Konkona smelling the books away with that beauuuutiful echo of his voice talking bout the smell of fresh books or on 26th noon of October to see one of your friends post pic in the very same gvk hard Rock cafe......

To just live these moments of him and then there is a moennt like yesterday....

When you finally decide again for the zillionth time to just let him be the way he wants you and delete him off WhatsApp.....

Like off late it's this feeeeling not sure cause you feel away more during this time of the year like the before and after hits you harder this time around every year.....

Like you are alone there lost in the crowd kinda weird feeeeling and sit over to watch the Holmes part 2 that you were looking forward to and sleep half way through......change side and that one smellllll of him move a lil closer and you could feeeeeel his fuzzy hair all over your forehead and nose almost thatvone feeeeeeeeeel charlie evry single time like ever lil single cell in your body with that rush to just hold him away to just open your eyes and live that beauuuuuuutt of his presence away and then there's also that most side of you staying calm as best as you could cause you knew you open your eyes any sudden move he would disappear and you just that baaaaaaad wanted to live that feeeeeeeel of his presence that THAT close to you and even before you try to go kore closer the way he comes closer and starts to chummy away your face every inch of face saying that one word slow whisper on repeat with evry chummi almost "why"!!!!!!

The way you were in that beauuuutiful fix ofbthe moennt if to just feeeeel away that closeness that moennt of him living lilst details of your face that way or wonder what the why was about.....

To that very second when he holds you away after many whys with that beauuuutiful chummi way again like he did that one different way in versova....

The second he holds you away you wakeup with some loud scene from the film still playing.....it's only after the waking up that one feeel the why felt that connected with you deleting him off WhatsApp.....add him back that very second again it's this one of those zillion things that can never make any sense.....

Uve been off his for years now and yet one moment of you doing the very same and the waaaaay it makes you feeeel live him away that very moemnt like always all these years is waaaay beyond you can ever possibly understand or make sense of......!

HimTrips...!

 There was this moment the other day.....

Post work mom drops at the studio wanting to go to some mall on the way back it was the melting moments route and you stop by at the 24/7store right beside the melting moments spot.....

Get off there saying you wanted to get some chips or something ayyaaaa some words i say this only CHIP your heart!!!!!!

Get off there go through the store get coffee and still at the billing counter there's this beautiful white dog right outside playing around people eating out and finally sits down and looks up at you that one stare and the next second lip smack face that screamed that it was hungry head back for biscuits and pick choclate biscuit and that very moemnt right there his lucky moment when he feed your share of dairy milk extra to lucky and the way screams out adooooooootably at you saying never feed em more chocolate or anything sweet it's bad for their coat and health.....his face his voice and how you loooooooooved him screaming at you in that one tone of his voice like not literally scream scream but that one tone of his voice specifically charlie getting mad at you and still maintaining that adooooooorableness of his put back the choclate one and take a plain one instead with 5hat smile sudden smile on you cause that's how strongly you felt him heard him literally saw him in that very moment.....

Head out and the way even much before you took out the pack the dog knew you got something for him the way it immediately gets off and comes running to you and scrares you off a step back a lil settling moments and the way it comes curled away to your leg just like ditto like lucky used to.....head against your leg and you slowly empty the pack out on the floor and the way it sniffs it looks up at you and keeps stating that way walking towards the stairs down still looking at it the dog maintains that eye contact insyead of eating and you wait at the stairs wondering if it didn't like the flavor or the bisucit that one smile almost and then starts to eat the biscuits away.....just by the way it relishes it sure was that bad hungry.....happy heart with that much more Him you gte back in the car and that first question fr your mom why you smiling that happy what happened did you meet someone?!

It's these trips of him charlie to just feel him to just live him heard his voice in an almost empty store that night to just lvingn that moment with the dog and relive those moemnts with him and his lucky it's that feeeeeeeeeling of that THAT MUCH something that it fills you heart with.......even to write out now what and how it felt like be it back then with him or to relive those moemnts that night at the store......look out his melting moments spot right beside and this tree lit up ajd you just take a picture of it to save the feeeeel save the moennt away.....

Cause you felt him that strongly out of nowhere in one of his places!!!!!

Tripswitch...

 U don't really need big big moments to change the course of your life or to add that touch of magic to a very ordinary day that you are going by with...

All you need is that sound is that hint that visual that one echo of something that you felt the strongest for in life and just like that out of nowhere the waaaaays you feel him away no matter this struggle to keep away from writing hoping you get a hold on this rush of missing just hoping hut the way it only gets this beautifully worse......

It's this constant struggle charlie like in some moments you feeeel him away that strongly like you literally just saw him right there form that very moment or heard him from that very moment in your very ordinary moment and the waaaaay it yranfroms evrything away and HOW!!!!!!

Its the you before that moment and the after and evrything outside around inside feels different.....kabhi nai bhot baaar lagta how still like this feeeel him away this much...

Specially this time around where there's this struggle to get over the beauty of the yesterday and to witness and live with the reality of the today.....

It's this stark contrast almost extreme way from that much love to this silence......this need to keep you away as best as he can!!!!!!

Then how do you still live feeel all this away why something in you just didn't stop like pause it right there and not continue to feel all this u did try a zillion times charlie but nai hora merse donno kyu no matter what your mind says your heart your soul the waaaay it feeels breathes through moments still feels him away and HOW is just beyond you yourself....

Nai hora merse and at the same time this missing this constant search for him to just see him charlie you have no idea how bad HOW BAD it is like your eyes constantly on that search in malls traffic constantly looking for that one sight of his in people in hairdos in chaddis white shirts and places name it and it's there.....why couldnt you just stop pause it like he did why wasn't that switch in you too.....to these dreams the waaaaaays he is there where there is the reality on one side there's that beauuuuty of him and his love for you that strongly there in all his glory!!!!!!

Theres sooooo much to write soooo many moemnts like off late it's a spark of magic in almost every other moment making you believe in something thats beyond this story line of reality that you are living through like it's the exact opposite to it...

Aise kyu...!

 How why does that one someone just that someone become all this away in your life.....

All of this that you feeeeeel away even with their absolute absence for years and yet still feeeel all this away and like this......

No matter what you do where you are slightest of something to do with and the waaaaaaaaay it leaves you is beyond everything else...

Aise kyu even after all this still feeeeel THIS strongly no matter what!!!!!!

Some songs like literally speaks out screams out your soul and feels away nai......

How this one fellow did become all this away in your life!!!!!!!!!!!!