Tuesday, 26 November 2019
World of your own...
changing the driver for teh zillionth of time as they dont drive safe enough to avoid the scratches around.....
and aaj bhi a new one and on your way when the driver keeps askign which turn to take next on your way back home....
and you keep saying the next one next one.... and that beauuuuuuuuty of him as you zone out for a sec......
back to when him dropping you back home in one of those meets after bup....
and as he dint know that house of yours and keeps asking you which lane to take next and you keep saying not yet not yet saying the right turn was far ahead and the waaaaaaay he just looks at you as you keep saying nahi aur aage aur aage and that one smileeeeeeeee with that signature all of you melting away nod of his says dekh bolru idhar he utaar detu.... soorat dekh im sure that right turn we crossed long back....
and like everything bout you this too he was that sure of just by your face.....
cause you did pass by that right turn to your house long back it was you living those few mins that you could possibly hold onto lviing him.....
and him not knowing where exactly your house was did serve as the biggest gift jsut so you could stay longer live him for longer.....
and just by your face again he knew was that sure of you jsut wanting to be with him for longer instead.....
today asyou keep saying its the next one that very moment that face of his that smileeeeeeeee of his that echo of his voice makes you smile the biggest and unnoticeable smile that dosnt goes unnoticed by your mom.....
and the way she says you smile the most beautiful smile when you are lost in your own mind.... that it actually makes her wonder who or what jsut crossed your mind....
is when you also realize this beautiful fact there is happiness like the ultimate one and then the rest are only the "versions" of happiness...
like you know there is that ultimate one like no other and the rest that you live through the day are just the versions of the term happiness...
to you it will always be Him...
no wonder makes you happy from the inside out like nothing else possibly could......
this lil world of Him that you live through, hidden away and inside of you !!
this feeeeeeeling now as you write and feel this misseeeing growing waaaaaaaaaaaaay worse than you already were.....
the waaaaaaaaaaaaay writing him makes it this beauuuuutifully worse than it already was !!
and aaj bhi a new one and on your way when the driver keeps askign which turn to take next on your way back home....
and you keep saying the next one next one.... and that beauuuuuuuuty of him as you zone out for a sec......
back to when him dropping you back home in one of those meets after bup....
and as he dint know that house of yours and keeps asking you which lane to take next and you keep saying not yet not yet saying the right turn was far ahead and the waaaaaaay he just looks at you as you keep saying nahi aur aage aur aage and that one smileeeeeeeee with that signature all of you melting away nod of his says dekh bolru idhar he utaar detu.... soorat dekh im sure that right turn we crossed long back....
and like everything bout you this too he was that sure of just by your face.....
cause you did pass by that right turn to your house long back it was you living those few mins that you could possibly hold onto lviing him.....
and him not knowing where exactly your house was did serve as the biggest gift jsut so you could stay longer live him for longer.....
and just by your face again he knew was that sure of you jsut wanting to be with him for longer instead.....
today asyou keep saying its the next one that very moment that face of his that smileeeeeeeee of his that echo of his voice makes you smile the biggest and unnoticeable smile that dosnt goes unnoticed by your mom.....
and the way she says you smile the most beautiful smile when you are lost in your own mind.... that it actually makes her wonder who or what jsut crossed your mind....
is when you also realize this beautiful fact there is happiness like the ultimate one and then the rest are only the "versions" of happiness...
like you know there is that ultimate one like no other and the rest that you live through the day are just the versions of the term happiness...
to you it will always be Him...
no wonder makes you happy from the inside out like nothing else possibly could......
this lil world of Him that you live through, hidden away and inside of you !!
this feeeeeeeling now as you write and feel this misseeeing growing waaaaaaaaaaaaay worse than you already were.....
the waaaaaaaaaaaaay writing him makes it this beauuuuutifully worse than it already was !!
The Him in zillion ways...
from saying a no to that random jacket to that need to jsut be away jsut so you could live him more.....
get away and on your way home from that moment to seeing those boards of his name again and trying to learn how to write his name in telgu....
to finding this song today.....
and this realization occuring reoccuring for teh zillionth time....
you dont just miss his love miss him but miss every bit of him, miss him in any and every way possible...
everything bout him, all of him !!!!!!!!!!
to that moment of living that mad weird moment inside and wondering how he did change you you changed with him after all... when a very normal and yet weird advert tag line makes you wanna share it with the only one you ever would.....
we experienced ripe papaya for teh first time... for some holiday or smthing it was bout !!!!!
the tag line as you read sounded way more dirty than it sounds now as you write it out.....
and the only name only person that rings through you that very sec as you find it weirdly dirty and absurd with the picture and their whole expression with that bold tag line under the advert - Him.....
is when you also realize how much he did change you after all !!
like the only one you could just be yourself with.....
the only one that knew you like nobody ever did.... not even your mom who thinks she knows you the most and the best and everytime she says that that one nod that comes fataaak seee saying yeah right !!!!!!
the only one youve been yourself with, again not intentionally but the way he just used to bring that actual you out and how with him.....
soooooooooooooo yahhhh !!!!!!!!
to this song today on your way to the studio that you get notification of on youtube or mail it was smthing.... of the new coldplay track....
and the title as much as you wanted to avoid but that need to give it a listen as it was coldplay after all !!
and the sec it plays shut your eyes away and the only one person that you could think feel see was Him...
there is that much hate pain complains why you feeling everytime this one word - daddy father that you anyway come across....
and then there are moments when you feel responsible for almost everything like you know be the man in the house kinda responsible with that hint of smthing if only there was that person who could take care of it instead you having to do it all.....
there is that line between being responsible independent which is great is the best feeling but there is also that need to know you got someone you know specially for a daughter you have your dad kinda thing to still take care of you.....
off late that feeling like never before....
and you donno know why if its the dad thing or just the care bit that you miss in life.....
more now.....
and this one song as it plays through shutting your eyes away and play it on loop with every piano and heart beat note theres him.....
visuals of him holding your back through the crowd on the way out from movie guiding you keeping you holding you safe and away from the touch of teh others....
to knowing just by the sound of your voice that youve had some bad dream as you answer his call late at nite back then.... this one time when you were asleep and he calls you real late from bombay and you answer his call at the very first ring and the same second he dosnt say a word and then tells you how happy he is feeling right now and you ask him why or smthing and he asks you instead if you had a dream or smthing cause you dint sound okay.....
not sure if you did have one or maybe just the ringer shook you or smthing in sleep but you not sounding okay becomes more important to him than sharing why he was happy and more so just by the sound of your voice just a hi or smthing it must have been but he just knew you woke up with a shake or smthing.....
to just peeling off the dry skin off your nose when you had cold back then like he just looks at you as you talk smthing just before getting off the car and holds your face mid conversation and smiles that smileeeeeeeeeeee and gently pulls off that dry skin off your nose that embarrasses you as he does but him having his happy moment doing that too.....
as you tell him what if it was it waskhachra or smthing and him still smiiiiiiling as he gently pulls it off.....
moments like these a zillion more when he would get mad at you correcting you over smthing or just tell you bout how not to put the pink lipcolor or just general talks to be this to be that to make smthing out of your passion for drawing......
to just finding him knowing you more than you knew yourself to just finding him love you more than your mom ever did or your father.....
to just finding that dad father in him that you lost growing up....
as a kid your father was everything to you meant everything to you someone you loved the most but growing up understanding seeing knowing things you did eventually realize your mom always filled up for your father.... cause your dad was never there !!!!!
never really the dad that you thought you had !!!!!
to years later this one guy walks into your life and gives you back what you had lost waaaay back then..... in the waaaaaaaay exaaaaactly in the way maybe the best waaaaaaaay possible the dad love that you never had felt or experienced.....
to just know you had him finally to just know there was that dad in him amongst the zillion other things that you loved him for..... there was that dad in him that you had found that loved you more than you wished for as a kid......
there are zillion ways charlie i miss him his presence his voice his smell his touch his chummi his hugs to hide away in his friendship his madness his innocence his wilderness literally and there is that dad in him too that you miss along with the others.....
that one place in your life !!!!!!!!!!!
soooooooooo yahhhhhhh this song today gives you that sense of healing......
cause you dint hurt or feel that sense of ache with bitter feeling of the word daddy.... but the waaaaaaaay there was all him that you could feel miss live as you listen to it....
smthings you just donnooooooo are just beyond you.....
get away and on your way home from that moment to seeing those boards of his name again and trying to learn how to write his name in telgu....
to finding this song today.....
and this realization occuring reoccuring for teh zillionth time....
you dont just miss his love miss him but miss every bit of him, miss him in any and every way possible...
everything bout him, all of him !!!!!!!!!!
to that moment of living that mad weird moment inside and wondering how he did change you you changed with him after all... when a very normal and yet weird advert tag line makes you wanna share it with the only one you ever would.....
we experienced ripe papaya for teh first time... for some holiday or smthing it was bout !!!!!
the tag line as you read sounded way more dirty than it sounds now as you write it out.....
and the only name only person that rings through you that very sec as you find it weirdly dirty and absurd with the picture and their whole expression with that bold tag line under the advert - Him.....
is when you also realize how much he did change you after all !!
like the only one you could just be yourself with.....
the only one that knew you like nobody ever did.... not even your mom who thinks she knows you the most and the best and everytime she says that that one nod that comes fataaak seee saying yeah right !!!!!!
the only one youve been yourself with, again not intentionally but the way he just used to bring that actual you out and how with him.....
soooooooooooooo yahhhh !!!!!!!!
to this song today on your way to the studio that you get notification of on youtube or mail it was smthing.... of the new coldplay track....
and the title as much as you wanted to avoid but that need to give it a listen as it was coldplay after all !!
and the sec it plays shut your eyes away and the only one person that you could think feel see was Him...
there is that much hate pain complains why you feeling everytime this one word - daddy father that you anyway come across....
and then there are moments when you feel responsible for almost everything like you know be the man in the house kinda responsible with that hint of smthing if only there was that person who could take care of it instead you having to do it all.....
there is that line between being responsible independent which is great is the best feeling but there is also that need to know you got someone you know specially for a daughter you have your dad kinda thing to still take care of you.....
off late that feeling like never before....
and you donno know why if its the dad thing or just the care bit that you miss in life.....
more now.....
and this one song as it plays through shutting your eyes away and play it on loop with every piano and heart beat note theres him.....
visuals of him holding your back through the crowd on the way out from movie guiding you keeping you holding you safe and away from the touch of teh others....
to knowing just by the sound of your voice that youve had some bad dream as you answer his call late at nite back then.... this one time when you were asleep and he calls you real late from bombay and you answer his call at the very first ring and the same second he dosnt say a word and then tells you how happy he is feeling right now and you ask him why or smthing and he asks you instead if you had a dream or smthing cause you dint sound okay.....
not sure if you did have one or maybe just the ringer shook you or smthing in sleep but you not sounding okay becomes more important to him than sharing why he was happy and more so just by the sound of your voice just a hi or smthing it must have been but he just knew you woke up with a shake or smthing.....
to just peeling off the dry skin off your nose when you had cold back then like he just looks at you as you talk smthing just before getting off the car and holds your face mid conversation and smiles that smileeeeeeeeeeee and gently pulls off that dry skin off your nose that embarrasses you as he does but him having his happy moment doing that too.....
as you tell him what if it was it waskhachra or smthing and him still smiiiiiiling as he gently pulls it off.....
moments like these a zillion more when he would get mad at you correcting you over smthing or just tell you bout how not to put the pink lipcolor or just general talks to be this to be that to make smthing out of your passion for drawing......
to just finding him knowing you more than you knew yourself to just finding him love you more than your mom ever did or your father.....
to just finding that dad father in him that you lost growing up....
as a kid your father was everything to you meant everything to you someone you loved the most but growing up understanding seeing knowing things you did eventually realize your mom always filled up for your father.... cause your dad was never there !!!!!
never really the dad that you thought you had !!!!!
to years later this one guy walks into your life and gives you back what you had lost waaaay back then..... in the waaaaaaaay exaaaaactly in the way maybe the best waaaaaaaay possible the dad love that you never had felt or experienced.....
to just know you had him finally to just know there was that dad in him amongst the zillion other things that you loved him for..... there was that dad in him that you had found that loved you more than you wished for as a kid......
there are zillion ways charlie i miss him his presence his voice his smell his touch his chummi his hugs to hide away in his friendship his madness his innocence his wilderness literally and there is that dad in him too that you miss along with the others.....
that one place in your life !!!!!!!!!!!
soooooooooo yahhhhhhh this song today gives you that sense of healing......
cause you dint hurt or feel that sense of ache with bitter feeling of the word daddy.... but the waaaaaaaay there was all him that you could feel miss live as you listen to it....
smthings you just donnooooooo are just beyond you.....
Him in moments...
be it yesterday when that cousin of one of your client friend offers you his jacket as it was that cold last nite walking her back home....
like the sec you see that one visual that feeeel of him.....
a day before your birthday out for avatar with his sister and mango....
and you down with fever n cold....
mango offers his shirt instead and you say a no and he still dosnt get it why, he looks at you through the rear view just to see your face whilst both mango and his sister insist on you taking mangos shirt and him looking at you through the rear view and that one smileeeeee of his as you nod saying a no at him and that beauuuuuuuuuuuuty of his smile in moments like these sharing waaaay more than just words with you just with that smile of his.....
and gets off saying he'll take of f his t shirt instead and wear mangos shirt over it....
and actually sprays it over with the deo of his in the car and then gives it to you.....
that one khushi i swear charlie that looooooooveeeeee of wearign anything his to just feeeeel his presence his smthing on you over you !!!!!!
LIFE again !!!!!!!
as you walk with his sister as they leave to the car park to bring the t shirt along that one stare he shares with you that was him realizing why you said no to mangos shirt and that was him living that khushi of you wanting to wear just his instead that you could see it on him.... ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa i swear charlie you should see him his face in such situations that one khsuhi of his on him that makes him look all the more beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuutifullest i say !!!!!!!!!
ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Youuuuuuuuuuuuuuu beauuuuuuuuuuuuty howleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee YOU were missed this moment right here !!!!!!!!!!!!
like the sec you see that one visual that feeeel of him.....
a day before your birthday out for avatar with his sister and mango....
and you down with fever n cold....
mango offers his shirt instead and you say a no and he still dosnt get it why, he looks at you through the rear view just to see your face whilst both mango and his sister insist on you taking mangos shirt and him looking at you through the rear view and that one smileeeeee of his as you nod saying a no at him and that beauuuuuuuuuuuuty of his smile in moments like these sharing waaaay more than just words with you just with that smile of his.....
and gets off saying he'll take of f his t shirt instead and wear mangos shirt over it....
and actually sprays it over with the deo of his in the car and then gives it to you.....
that one khushi i swear charlie that looooooooveeeeee of wearign anything his to just feeeeel his presence his smthing on you over you !!!!!!
LIFE again !!!!!!!
as you walk with his sister as they leave to the car park to bring the t shirt along that one stare he shares with you that was him realizing why you said no to mangos shirt and that was him living that khushi of you wanting to wear just his instead that you could see it on him.... ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa i swear charlie you should see him his face in such situations that one khsuhi of his on him that makes him look all the more beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuutifullest i say !!!!!!!!!
ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Youuuuuuuuuuuuuuu beauuuuuuuuuuuuty howleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee YOU were missed this moment right here !!!!!!!!!!!!
Moments to live through...
like when the start was like this you for sure dint know what followed after....
lilst of moments beige chaddis his blue n red stripe t shirt bullet crossing you listening to lucky ali and to that line kitni haseen zindagi and a random man talking on the fone prolly on the bike lifts one hand in the air with a praise like movement....
as random as this lilst of moment puts a smile on you cause in your heart all of you on the inside was that just that happy waking up to that presence of his....
like anything at all lilst of traces of his presence was making you happy.....
the blue billboards saying its time for blue passing by that shopper stop petrol bunk that says i o c but to you that o becomes heart c like these crazy random moments and you were just that all the more and just like that lost in all things him.....
lilst moments of magic absolute magic and most of them today you dont remember now.... cause there were that many of them.....
to this another highlight one being seeing this board of movie tht says beach ready Chetan...
to almost every corner around you could see these movie posters of the same and that feeeeeeeeeling ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa everywhere around his name i say !!!!!!!!
like no matter where you look where you read its him all you read....
it was just making you that happy.....
is when you realize relive and realize this is your happiness this is what completes you.....
this version of love thsi version of him that you have with you....
pata hai charlie there must have been a zillion times that it made you wonder why despite of wanting to see him the most in your life like nothing else, why couldnt you just say yes that day......
that version of him is smthing you dont know anymore.....
and maybe that day dint really want to see either....
it was different, dint feel yours...
in your mind this version of his and in this version the love of his still there for you, just for you, is how you want to live it with.....
it strangely weirdly madly still feels just yours in your mind as you live through these moments or live him through the dreams..... it still feels just yours !!
it in a way shocks you not just surprises you, cause its his face in the crowd all you search for every sec out almost....
hoping wishing in some corner you find him see him for a bit almost every second when out.....
no matter where you are even if its not closeby still looking for him kahi thooo to just find him live him...
just that one face in the world, just that one him in the world for you...
lilst of moments beige chaddis his blue n red stripe t shirt bullet crossing you listening to lucky ali and to that line kitni haseen zindagi and a random man talking on the fone prolly on the bike lifts one hand in the air with a praise like movement....
as random as this lilst of moment puts a smile on you cause in your heart all of you on the inside was that just that happy waking up to that presence of his....
like anything at all lilst of traces of his presence was making you happy.....
the blue billboards saying its time for blue passing by that shopper stop petrol bunk that says i o c but to you that o becomes heart c like these crazy random moments and you were just that all the more and just like that lost in all things him.....
lilst moments of magic absolute magic and most of them today you dont remember now.... cause there were that many of them.....
to this another highlight one being seeing this board of movie tht says beach ready Chetan...
to almost every corner around you could see these movie posters of the same and that feeeeeeeeeling ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa everywhere around his name i say !!!!!!!!
like no matter where you look where you read its him all you read....
it was just making you that happy.....
is when you realize relive and realize this is your happiness this is what completes you.....
this version of love thsi version of him that you have with you....
pata hai charlie there must have been a zillion times that it made you wonder why despite of wanting to see him the most in your life like nothing else, why couldnt you just say yes that day......
that version of him is smthing you dont know anymore.....
and maybe that day dint really want to see either....
it was different, dint feel yours...
in your mind this version of his and in this version the love of his still there for you, just for you, is how you want to live it with.....
it strangely weirdly madly still feels just yours in your mind as you live through these moments or live him through the dreams..... it still feels just yours !!
it in a way shocks you not just surprises you, cause its his face in the crowd all you search for every sec out almost....
hoping wishing in some corner you find him see him for a bit almost every second when out.....
no matter where you are even if its not closeby still looking for him kahi thooo to just find him live him...
just that one face in the world, just that one him in the world for you...
Magic 2 !!
soooooooooo yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh !!!!!!!!!!!!!
where to whereeeeee again only it went !!!!!!!!!!
the dream...
asleep and this sound of his voice talking smthing constantly.....
like you could just hear his voice not really the words.....
and you try to smell your way through that one beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuty of his presence that you can smell through..... and you try to follow the lil trail of his smell like you just move closer to where you could smell his presence the most so you know now you are closest to him...
and the sec you find that place and slowly without moving much try to look for him with your hand....
and that one touch that one sec of finding his presence his legs it was that close to you and you just be feeling the baal on his legs, again one of your most loved things to do with him.... to just feeeeeel his presence doing that !!!!!
just that smthing that used to make you the happiest along with the other things too obvsly !!!!!
sooooooooooo yahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh !!!!!!!!!
mind diversion !!!!!!!!!!!
back to the legs.......
as you feel his presence and just stay and he moves a lil more closer to you and holds your other hand.... and gets back to talking to you and you just be and make those hmm sounds like no word nothing just the sound so he knows you ar elistening....
still not sure what it was bout what he was talking bout but that whole beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuutiful vibe of those few mins.....
to just feeeeeeeeeeel just touch his him presence to just know he was there talking to you wanting to talk to you wanting to let you touch him feel his presence to just be there with you wanting to be there close closer to you just that vibe charlie jst that realization even be it for the dream - WORLD LIFE i say !!!!!!!!!!!
like you keep moving dheere dheere closer to him and that peace calm comfort that you felt just being close to him to jus feel his presence hear his voice saying smthing to you that dint make sense thoguh cause not a single word that you could hear but just that sound of his voice and that touch of his presence and you almost wake up making those still hmm sounds as if you were listening to him talk.....
you make the sound wake up to the sound of the alarm.... the very first thing like always look for him cause you could still smell his presence like always again.....
around you, around the room to that realization again.....
never putting the alarm again !!
that beauuuuuuuuuuty of that dream there was nothing and yet everything, cause there was that feeeeel of his presence that feeeeeel of him wanting to be with you.....
and you alone know what that means to you, meant to you !!
where to whereeeeee again only it went !!!!!!!!!!
the dream...
asleep and this sound of his voice talking smthing constantly.....
like you could just hear his voice not really the words.....
and you try to smell your way through that one beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuty of his presence that you can smell through..... and you try to follow the lil trail of his smell like you just move closer to where you could smell his presence the most so you know now you are closest to him...
and the sec you find that place and slowly without moving much try to look for him with your hand....
and that one touch that one sec of finding his presence his legs it was that close to you and you just be feeling the baal on his legs, again one of your most loved things to do with him.... to just feeeeeel his presence doing that !!!!!
just that smthing that used to make you the happiest along with the other things too obvsly !!!!!
sooooooooooo yahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh !!!!!!!!!
mind diversion !!!!!!!!!!!
back to the legs.......
as you feel his presence and just stay and he moves a lil more closer to you and holds your other hand.... and gets back to talking to you and you just be and make those hmm sounds like no word nothing just the sound so he knows you ar elistening....
still not sure what it was bout what he was talking bout but that whole beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuutiful vibe of those few mins.....
to just feeeeeeeeeeel just touch his him presence to just know he was there talking to you wanting to talk to you wanting to let you touch him feel his presence to just be there with you wanting to be there close closer to you just that vibe charlie jst that realization even be it for the dream - WORLD LIFE i say !!!!!!!!!!!
like you keep moving dheere dheere closer to him and that peace calm comfort that you felt just being close to him to jus feel his presence hear his voice saying smthing to you that dint make sense thoguh cause not a single word that you could hear but just that sound of his voice and that touch of his presence and you almost wake up making those still hmm sounds as if you were listening to him talk.....
you make the sound wake up to the sound of the alarm.... the very first thing like always look for him cause you could still smell his presence like always again.....
around you, around the room to that realization again.....
never putting the alarm again !!
that beauuuuuuuuuuty of that dream there was nothing and yet everything, cause there was that feeeeel of his presence that feeeeeel of him wanting to be with you.....
and you alone know what that means to you, meant to you !!
Gifted, magic...
there are moments that you live him in dreams and then there are moments like these...
yesterday there was this him in the most beautiful way.....
you remember sleeping to the sound of his music playing real slow as you were that dead tired with all that work and stuff through the day.....
its this thing charlie new found happy place......
through the day the load of work meets and stuff and then there is that two long hours of traffucked journey back home.... which now is your happy place....
as its almost pretty late in the nites now no matter how early you start off to come back home.....
this time late nites drive home and you lost in his music looking out of the window living him from back then those late nite winter evening drives back home either from opera or simply anywhere......
the chill in the air now not as cold as back then but still cold for you.....
the winter chill that you can smell in the air, mostly put the windows down smell the chill in the air and live him from back then.....
watching him losing yourelf in him a lil more as you watch the street lights in intervals fall on his face as he looks at you beech beech mein whilst driving and those smileeeeeeeeeeeeeees those stares of his smtimes..... talking to you in a million more words just by those smileeeees of his smtimes teling you how bad he wanted you to be a lil longer with him a lil closer to him.... as mostly on the way back home just a lil closer to your apartment and you would move a lil away from him a lil off his shoulder and get a better view of him... to just live him for those few mins till you reach home.....
to make the most of those few mins to just live him every lil detail of his every blink of his eye every smile stare of his.... to just live him charlie was your life !!!!!!!!!!
like the start and end of it pretty much !!!!!!!!
it was that feeeeeeeeeeeeeel like you know youll see him again tomo or maybe that nite istelf when he again comes over to see you.... but that love passion madness to just live him even for those few mins without touching being too close and to just move a lil away and just live him...... and the waaaaaaaay he would jus know any moment now you will soon be spending those few mins losing yourself in him.... and as you move a lil away from his shoulder and look at him and that one change in that smileeeee of his to a nod to that nod !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa i tell you the zillion things you miss bout him.....
the zillionnnnnnnnnnnnnn ways you miss him !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
exactly whyyyyyy you stay away from writing aaj kal !!!!!!
struggling to learn to change yourself !!!!!!!!!
sttttrrrrrrrruuuuuuuuuuuuggggggggglllllllllliiing literally !!!!!!!!!
this state of mind right now it lands you in !!!!!!!!!!!
this exact state of you !!!!!!!
yesterday there was this him in the most beautiful way.....
you remember sleeping to the sound of his music playing real slow as you were that dead tired with all that work and stuff through the day.....
its this thing charlie new found happy place......
through the day the load of work meets and stuff and then there is that two long hours of traffucked journey back home.... which now is your happy place....
as its almost pretty late in the nites now no matter how early you start off to come back home.....
this time late nites drive home and you lost in his music looking out of the window living him from back then those late nite winter evening drives back home either from opera or simply anywhere......
the chill in the air now not as cold as back then but still cold for you.....
the winter chill that you can smell in the air, mostly put the windows down smell the chill in the air and live him from back then.....
watching him losing yourelf in him a lil more as you watch the street lights in intervals fall on his face as he looks at you beech beech mein whilst driving and those smileeeeeeeeeeeeeees those stares of his smtimes..... talking to you in a million more words just by those smileeeees of his smtimes teling you how bad he wanted you to be a lil longer with him a lil closer to him.... as mostly on the way back home just a lil closer to your apartment and you would move a lil away from him a lil off his shoulder and get a better view of him... to just live him for those few mins till you reach home.....
to make the most of those few mins to just live him every lil detail of his every blink of his eye every smile stare of his.... to just live him charlie was your life !!!!!!!!!!
like the start and end of it pretty much !!!!!!!!
it was that feeeeeeeeeeeeeel like you know youll see him again tomo or maybe that nite istelf when he again comes over to see you.... but that love passion madness to just live him even for those few mins without touching being too close and to just move a lil away and just live him...... and the waaaaaaaay he would jus know any moment now you will soon be spending those few mins losing yourself in him.... and as you move a lil away from his shoulder and look at him and that one change in that smileeeee of his to a nod to that nod !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa i tell you the zillion things you miss bout him.....
the zillionnnnnnnnnnnnnn ways you miss him !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
exactly whyyyyyy you stay away from writing aaj kal !!!!!!
struggling to learn to change yourself !!!!!!!!!
sttttrrrrrrrruuuuuuuuuuuuggggggggglllllllllliiing literally !!!!!!!!!
this state of mind right now it lands you in !!!!!!!!!!!
this exact state of you !!!!!!!
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