Photograph...

 The second you enter the house him standing at the other corner and the first thing you see is the way the room was lit with that some box of light he had setup....after a few wows as you stand there trying to understand how the halo was formed over the wall and he just stand beside you watching you trying to figure it out as you keep asking him about if he had it on all day or how it's reflecting the halo form over the wall and him just watching you only after you turn to him that one smileeeeeeee charlie and just says he knew you would love it and he doesn't keep the lights on through the day.....heads to his room...

For you to follow!!!!

From that moment to walking behind him that one feel like always the way he knew things bout you even the thimgs that might amaze you like he knew your mind that well inside out....including the bubble maker at the Jubilee checkpost signal Aaj bhi when you pass by and notice they still sell those that one feeeeeel of that day....in car and you just look across to the other side with the bubbles popping and the way he pulls down the window goes a lil closer to the bubble space and calls out for the vendor from the extreme other side even when the signal was green and gets it for you and his sister too.....

It's not cause that he got that for you it's that feeeeeel again cahrlie him giving his 100 best to loving someone with their lilst details of things that amuse amazes them it was that feeeel of his love for you still carry in your bag along.....

It's like moemnts of him with you not sure why what how but the way it's grown with you now with time.....

Cause you still fotn get it how every morning moments through the day still how......

But that one feeeeel from DD colony charlie can't hide your mind away from......ek baar chance deke tho dekta!!!!!

Ye ek hamesha rehta things would've definitely been diff if you were younger nai!!!!!

Exactly why you didn't want to write also wanted to write it out anyway mind is feeling away too much tonite!!!!!!

Things that make you wonder to things that make you come alive again......

That one face on this world for you!!!!!!!!!

HIM!!!!!

 If there's any place thing item anything what si ever that has your pooooora ka pooooora heart in its full bloom it's anything to do with Him charlie...

Anything even be it a memory of His...

Heart in its full beautiful bloom I say.....

When there today model calls team calls manager messages fone silent and you just be living him as much asbyou could there.....

So sooooo many memories from there too.....

Ur habit of touching the bottle if kicked over your head as a token of respect to the water habit changed immediately when he does it over n over again sitting close to you keeps kicking the waterbottle close to your leg and when it touches your leg touch it over your head and he chuckles away then after a few repeats yaha waha asks you nahate na tum feet under and over water only no and that one adoootalepause still looking you in the eye waiting for your reaction over that realisation and soon as it hits you that one haaaan of his with slow whisper howli nodding away that ONE nod of his.....

He did transform you away in more ways than one.....be it your knowledge or lack of knowledge about love and things like these bout life in general.....

To his words his conversation him getting irritated with you clicking his pictures and still lets you take a few firsts though.....to just being fed by him after years for thebdirst time in that very place.....even daal chawal charlie he would eat away with that much love like you are definitely fussy over food like there has to be chicken or some kind of pulse like chana rajma or something with rice or roti like you just can't plain dal but him ayyyaaaaaaaaa fullll heart even dal chawal uttteeeee pyaaar se he would eat away ayaaaa to just watch him eat too fulllll hearted overflowing love!!!!!!!

What makes a person maloom charlie like comoletes them or defines them it's in the things they do things that define their sense of being like lilst of things and how they do it that's how this love to live him live his lilst details started.....

There's so much love in lilst details of his like he puts in all of him in anything he does....like it had to always be all of him or n9thing at all!

Be it selecting something he would make sure take his best time and 5jen select the best no matter what or food or meeting people his shower time his psy beedi to music ho7rs to his writing to his way of loving you or his family he would make sure that there's all of him there in it....

It's lilst of things bout him today when there the way it was all rushing through you not sure if it was cause of the too much missing off late now that there's no presence of him on Instagram too or just cause ofthe realisation of the that meet to this today when at DD colony....

That meet that feeeeling of finally finding him back again to finally setting your fear free there were a zillion things that you felt in that meet lil did you know.........

Moments!

 Today there get out of the car and just sit on the stairs for a bit with his music playing......that close to living another one first moment of your life with him from that line of fear to that line of love that close and then again......

There was always that wall of distance that he would build away just when close like you can't lean over go beyond over that despite of all that love that he makes you feel and realise still does.....

TO feeel all this is not random charlie the dreams the moments they just can't be random and you strongly believe in that then there is that realisation when there today if he did he would've been there with you today he would've been in your life realisations like these and you lose your sense of logic understanding sane state.....

Like you stay away from sitting andbgiving itvall a thought but when moments like these strike you just can't help..

It's this feeeeel strong feeeeel charlie every time you live some big moment of pride daaaamn he shpudkve been with you to live that feeeling with you to see you like that you know to experience thatvwith you cause merku maloom charlie the friends don't really give out that good vibe seeing you where you are today professionally including vishruta too he is that one person in your life who would've been happiest for you to share that with you to experience that with you and this very same feel on shoot day too after the collection gets well loved already by the team!

To this day today it's moemnts of holding him from back living that mirror moment as he stands watches your bangles on your wrist with that smile cause it had most blues.....to wrestling with him to dancing away tango almost with him to just being dropped ok the floor with every step and not wanting to get off andbjust watch him live that moment to his adoooooorable happiest best wanting to do that again.....to your first moemnt and him knowing you that well!!!!!!!

Somethings again wanting to write and can't write and this mind tonite feeels the most mix of questions the whys that you've ever felt!!!!!!

That one feel!

 This one meet over working on reels with the photographer to get better reach of audience of the page and some model talk to see the place around her house for the reels to be shot later and the second she mentions DD colony is like really far but it's a good place to shoot and that very first rush let's go now!

Once there drop her at her place and leave immediately saying you'll be back soon that one place charlie like the second yiubare there there was that THAT much of him filled cause that was the very place you saw him lived him for real!!!!!!

Even writing it now this weird heavy feeeeeel inside.....lil did you know nai then!!!!!

Lilst idea bhi hota tho!!!!!!!

There was that line then to now but when there that one feeeeel like it was just yesterday not long ago but just very recent.....moments to flashes of him when there felt too much tooooo toooooo much today charlie!!!!!!!

From the moment starting with the shoot morning dream to photographers ringtone being kadale song one of ur favs to the other moemnts wanting to share with him to last nite to thus morning dream again the waaaaaays you still live feeeelnhim and when there today that another feeeeel to another level only!!!!!!!

places n memories!

 Some places and the feeeeeel they are laced with no matter how many times yohve been there but that one feeeeeeel of him every single time is pure magic!

It was His DD colony area tonite.....

This feeeeeeel you come back home with just that one feeel every second youbwere there that one feel then and even now one chance one whole hearted chance of love with you nai Kiya une !

All this that you feel every moment all of those feels that you wake up every single morning now almost with this one feeeeel today charlie can't hide your mind from.....

Like it just keeps ringing on loop!

Moments with him there to just live him there today after years charlie!!!!!!

One while hearted chance!!!!!!!

Godox…

 The godox moment!

Some moments you can never get used to…!

Alpha magic…

 Alphabetical sunshine kinda mornings…

Waking upto one C sunshine to finding another one at the studio!

THE wish…!

 Some dreams you wake up to and that very second wishing it was for real like for a real moment real day of life….that’s not gone after the waking up!

Yesterdays one or the one this morning on the shoot day!

This feeling yesterday too happy after the waking up too cause that’s how close and real you saw Him from!

Today’s with this wish wishin it was for real and not just a dream!

Some dreams sort of make you miss the reality of the dream…!

Wishing it continued, be it the moment the feeling the vibe the life part of it…and not just end there soon as you wake up!

HIM the heart and the sigh I tell you!!

Blues!!

Date finally rescheduled for the 29th that sense of nervousness Khushi mix of everything lil lil….it’s a Late night with work sorting out outfits with jewellery and there are these sudden moments when you are working on something with his music playing and over the sofa there is His navy tone kurta set just laying there one look at it same second beret playlist track change…

Him in navy pooora ka pooora heart ever since navy one of your favs too….and like always something of him hint of him apart from the collection name itself…..

There it was Sitara finally happening and what better color of feel this live this feeling at this hour than his navy….just like the late night skies back then with him conversations moments with him sometimes or over fone call talking bout the night sky !!

Something bout moments like these charlie the way it suddenly all comes back to you!

Lilst moment of tiniest Khushi I say…right in the middle of almost chaos!!

It’s that sudden rush of missing soon as you see his colors anywhere those flashes of him looking his beautiful best in them….thankfully atleast you have his recent selfie that he had shared in that chat! Ayyaaaaaaaaaa just that one face in the world for you, just that one!!!!!! Ur pooora heart right there!!!!! That adooooooooorably beautiful I say!!!!!!!!

Magic like lil findings...

 Lilst sweet findings like these specially with all these feeels your mind is already trippin high on!!!!!

When you go away i stillll seeeeee Cccc youuuu!!!!!

Recurring visions of such sweet days i stilll seee you!!!!!

To the name just the name of this band that one line from him always tings rings dings your mind away i say like you could almost see him hear him say it out with his psy beedi in hand and his happpoy shy high eyes and smile face i have cigarettes , when you suggest him the band with the song over chat.....it was on WhatsApp but just that beauty of some sounds and when you've lived that much of someone lilst of details of them it's like with their words just reading them you can almost see him hear them exactly how they would say it !!!!!!

Him ayaaaaaàaaaaaa this mind tonite!!!!!!!

Howleeeeeee if you only had the slightest of idea of the missings and the love i say!!!!!!

And a love like that one...!

Moments in visuals!!

 Be it the James bond movie that you finally see last night to just being the fav one cause of his post prolly from the same film at GVK last year on the same date and calling it being home after a decade....itvwas bout being at the movies after long post COVID maybe but to you it becomes the most special one being your most loved date of your LIFE!!!!

watching the movie last nite with that string of memory n moments to watching the first F1 race of this year today that feeel that realisation how you try to understand first anything you see him post and some of them shockingly more so a sport beomces your ultimate fav too!!!!

From drive to survive being the best for business understandings to the race itself this love for it n9w most of it you still don't get the nuances of but as much as you do in love now!!!!

How you don't get it!!!

It's moments charlie it's the way they make you feel even with the harshest reality of it it's just the way it is.....not upto you!!!!

U know u struggle to get over with the feeling to understand how long it's been but it just doesn't happen no matter what.....it's just there that much in you!!!!

Like made a Home in you kinda thing...

His sound his talks his touch his smell his very presence sense of his presence in dreams and moments out of no where and you just donnooo!!!!!

Meant to be this way maybe...!

As now it's definitely not upto you anymore!!!!

To that one funny moment discussing the style and theme of the shoot with multiple concept changes and the main lead photographer mentions about calling you the director of the shoot like that thing is for real even for fashion shoots was news to you, like in that moment your mind has this immediate mini conversation bout sharing that with him in that very moment.....

Mind I tell you heights the chinni chinni ways it looks for finding that bit of hapiness out of nowhere just cause you felt him in some moment!!!

Some visuals!!

 It's that hit of realisation and just by your face he gets it again that it indeed was because of him again.....there was that sense of immense Khushi in him charlie suddenly like when you randomly mention something about liking something loving something as absolutebfav Nd then realise that you know that because he recommended and that face to just know like from the very start to love something he loved again it somehow didn't happen intentional like he loves both Beatles and pink Floyd and you do too but you are more of the pink Floyd person!!!!!

Today standing just looking at the tee it was you with him on that late night drive back home as he talks bout pink Floyd and the story behind the track andbyou just living that beauty of the moment of him sharing something that he loved that much with you.....like today that same feel living a present with a vibe beauuutiful vibe of the yesterday...back then too you were reliving those zillion moments from earlier when he usedbto share things he loved with you.....truly the most beautiful est crazy diamond of your life...

Stopped posting off late like when missing him the hardest or when the day gets too tough to handle work wise that need to see him when you find the managers fone and now realise he stopped posting prolly seeing someone as he did that pehle!!!!

Mind I tell you just doesn't go off even after being hit with the reality of the situation.....thanks to moments and the dreams!!!!

Eyes closed and how but heis still there with more love of his!!!!!

Still how you don't get it it's like he is there just there that beauuutifully there in all of his presence with all of his love for you.....like there are these talks expressions and he literally tells you still in love with you that's till you wake up...

And I swear charlie that transition from that moment of feeeling living that much of his love in more ways than one to the waking up landing back to this reality is something you can never get used to.....you still struggle every morning!!!!!

From that moment to the way those moments stay with you through the day is something else...like there is that work stress shoot stress work being delayed and then there is that one beautiful calm where you just get away from everything else for a bit stay with his sound at concu and that feeeel of just him in your mind the calm the something that it fills you with is BEAYTIFUL beyond words......

The sound of Opera House!

 This almost magic like beauty of the sound especially at this hour of the day!!!!!!

This random post of word on insta today about humans being the most honest rawest version purest version of themselves at this hour of the day... Like truly be who they are most of!!!!!

It's like the day goes by with a version of you and this time of the day the most you just you no wonder that love of his for the nites with his music playing at the backdrop over calls!!!!

This one track like puts you in the most beautiful state of mind like you are there at opera late at this hour that calm of being away from the rush and just Him.....visual sound touch all your senses to just come alive with everything Him, bits to the most to all of Him!!!!!!

Gin after long but this high is of the sound the mind tonite still at opera!!!!!

On the way back plays the track and that very same zec lookz at you like you did forget calling him crazy diamond and he like everything else did remeber that from some chat you had earlier.....

And the sec he looks at you is when it tings your mind away yaa no him being the crazy diamond and like just by your face again he did reliaze it hit you late bolke!

And that smile very after the realisation it's like he could read every sec of your expression maloom charlie like the slightest of change in you even facially and he would fataaaak se know what it is bout!

And you tell him yaaa it's you crazy diamond....and then he goes on bout the story behind the track and uoubtell him had no clue bout it and him talkin bout it was because of him that you knew bout pinn Floyd and you deny saying it was your find.....to that one min of rethink recollecting and realise it was cause him putting up something bout some link bout pink Floyd and you see that and discover the magical world of pink Floyd sound...

Soon as it hits you inthe flashback and makes you go yaa right it's because of you and that one smile eee of his charlie your heart your kidney every lil to biggest organ inside of you popping out jumping over with happiness kinda smile of his ayaaaaaa that one visual how long how loooioiiiiiing it's been since!!!!!!!

Something's you write and relive that one visual and this feeeeeeeeelinh right now!!!!!

Livin for moments like these!

 Visuals sounds places a slightest of anything Him and the fataaaaak feeeeeel and vibe it leaves you with!!!!!!!

Out of nowhere that one moment with just one visual it’s like living a moment in your present and a touch of him from back then literally holds your hand away and off you go and how!!!!

Out for shopping a few bits today as you had finally had the time for yourself today after last few over hectic weeks of planning back n forth stuff to be worked upon and out for something today and soon as you step in the store the very first rack with pink floyd tee!!!!!

Been years now looking for that perfect pink floyd tee initially your most fav band for the sound and like with everything else this too did become Him…

Standing there living a moment with him on a drive back home as he drops you back home in those post bup meets!

And plays shine on you crazy diamond…!

A memory a moment that beautiful bit of him stays with you and pink floyd too that beauuuutifully laced Away with Him!!!!!

Had to get it and just come back home very happy cause it was yearrsssss of find with retro font and a pastel tone blend to living a moment of Him with him now every time you wear it!!!!

Something’s again make very lil to no sense at All, but just the feels it fills you up with! Is beyond!!!!!!

Versions...!

 It's not just the passion charlie it's bout having lived that many versions of yourself with someone right from that first feel to living somebody and their zillion versions and loving each one of them.....

It's like you did learn how to love by the way just the way he loved you...!

Like still feel it so soooo much in moments sounds echoes through the night through your day at work or anything at all some moemnt some vision some sound and the way it literally holds your hand away and takesbyou off n away to a moemnt to a memory with him of him...

Like it's the most you complete you in that moment as you live him.......

Can never make sense how still feel him feel his love for you THIS much and yet!!!!!!!

Dreams n moments!!

 Something's just can never make any sense the way his voice his whispers that smell of his presence to just live and feel his presence still almost every morning to live him through moments and sounds like these and then to try n connect with the reality and lost you are......

To this moment with her standing there talking to you and all you could see was him standing there and that exact feeeling of high on him rush through you with that wait in that very moment like you were there in that room reliving that very exact moemnt with him first looking at you just standing there the way he just kept comingnto the room and yet keeping you away from him knowing maybe just knowing what it would do to you specially the state of you that he could see through you like always.....

From bringing over the biryani to feeding you and just staying there for a bit longer like you try and touch him and he makes sure to keep his hand close and yet away from you......

The way he wanted to be with and around you as bad as you did!!!!!

Some moemnts nai this feeeeeeelijgnthey can fill you with even years after.....like you were that busy n lost in writing and there he was in that very moment just like that made her disappear andbjust stayed there by the door just like he did that night...

How do you still feel live so much when there's nothing left like he said...cause things like these don't happen can't happen won't happen just one sided!!!!!!

Echo of a moment...!

 Working on the theme brief Sitaara, the night sky in garden...

Day with media work now theme writeups and the manager stays over for the night as it did get that late at work today....

In the gym room and you out writing on the theme with his music playing and she suddenly comes out asking if you were watching or downloafing some movie or something as the net was really slow that very moment the way her sound suddenly disappears like couldn't hear her talk anymore and him standing at the door in ishara asks you to check your fone still standing there.....but you that high on his psy beedi don't get it your mind that rush in you all you could see feel live was his presence there with mind that high that one feeling finally he did come......

Cause maybe that was the night you felt that way for the first time again many firsts and he had asked to leave his room instead and go back to his sisters cause of his chachi asking him to do the same and maintain distance for reasons.....

But that feeeeeeling charlie of living a life of fear almost all your life and finally giving in something like feeling it wanting it for the first time that way and with him the inky one you felt that way with lived with loved with and that feeeling of being that close first time at that hour at his place and you couldn't be with him.....to finally that moment when after a few hours he comes over to the r9om stands at the entrance asking uoubto check the fone but you instead get that lost in him as you could barely sleep that night.....

And finally few ishaaras later get it he was asking you to ask her if she had some movie or something as maybe then she was in her washrom or something it was.....

And heads back to his room....

Ur mind woooosh bolke that blank suddenly what just happened he could've messaged her directly instead but instead he leaves you a message and then again comes over to ask you to check your message instead of again asking her directly about the download thing cause he wanted to use it and it was slow.....

Like he just wanted to see you to check if you were still up cause he def could've done the same by messaging her directly but there was you w8th that sudden lost feeling....

The way that moment that night stayed with you ever since then.....maybe it did with him too cause that was exactly where he started from in that first phone call pist bup saying he wanted to be with you too like he just knew you wanted to that bad but just couldn't cause of chaichis remark over not doing something at night kinda thing!

Some moemnts and the way they hit on another level mostly now.....

The way it felt in this moment like you've lived that feeling that moment many a times all these years but now after 5hat chat with him it just felt different today.....that close!!!!!!

Magic!!!!!!

 As the shoot date gets closer work gets more hectic but this time feels special as it has that touch of one of your most loved things that beautifully connected to him in more ways than one.....

When you had to switch away the collection for the shoot because of the making time restriction and instead choose for the other being quicker instead of khwaabida it now is Sitaara...

Sitar and taara both that beautifully connected with him......

Again the way it just felt into place this beautifully as the outfit designs were in process and one of em just layed over the couch at the studio and you were on a call with the other media guy and the way dooor se it looked like lil stars sparkling over the blue couch like stars over the night sky....

And that moemnt there it was Sitaara happened...

With work there was this other moemnts last week or before that one Bombay number flashing on the screen and that very second heart highest beat possible cause you did ask him for a call in that mail and though this one being not even his number some moments nai you just cantttttt!!!!!

Logics go waaaay outtaa the window and all that stays is the moemnt and just you....walk away a lil and answer it ther eeas nobody on the other wise must have been a spam few hours later or something same number again again the same thing no sound nothing but your heart i tell you that one beating jumping mode it suddenly kept switching back to!!!!!

So these moemnts of working on this collection and the way it's turning out heart full happy!!!!!!

To this very moment now!!!!!

How do you take moments dreams sounds moments again like these to just be normally random I say!!!!!!!

No matter how hardddddd you try to just go with it moemnts like these poora ka poora heart n life i say!!!!!

The waaaaaaaay the waaaaàaaaays it just brings him along in your mind if only it did for real too!!!!!!!

If only!!!!!!!!!

Sound, this LOVE!

 Echoes of moemnts any sound any moment any echo of a moemnt of his touches your ear and the waaaaay that one touch and off you go, fataaak se flight mode i say!!!!!

This beauuuuuuuty of some moemnts like these out of nowhere in the middle of work and chaos you find your moment of peace and this beauuuuutiful high of Him!!!!!

Whoooooosh bolke!!!!!

Mind tired lil high on gin but now this beauuuutifully high on all him!!!!!

Of all the moments it had to be thus one this one echo of a moemnt like that one.....