To move!

 This podcast that you've been listening to bout how to grow from what you go through....it's your peace amidst all the chaos or learning process that youvare going through doing multiple things learning multiple things as you work on from redesigning the space with expansion work under progress to getting the lift work done just right to the gardening bit in the entry way to the lighting ceiling stuff to getting that exact shade of paint right to being a stylist to your own studio and trying to add the bits n pieces for the decor to the collection to be put up all this n more and there is that need of finding that inner peace for a bit and that's when you realize his presence was that to you even be it on whatsapp....

To find him there atleast even without a word said or heard was a feeling of being lil less lonely than how you feel now....it was your moment of smthing that made you feel not this lonely.....and this time specilaly all those months of him hvaing you unblocked and with that lilst of hint of his presence felt smthing as lunatic as it sounds did feel smthing....and when that was gone it was the loneliest you'd felt again!

Now with all this work on hand and this recent find of podcast where not eveyethung they talk share makes sense but it's these bits n pieces that sort of somehow make sense.....

Like for the instance this one thing they talk bout love and holding on as you can't keep holding on to smthing that's always wanting to move away push you away cause that would be you forcing to be there when all they want is your absence and that's best you could do for them if you truly love them.....

The way even listening to it makes you feel how he had always been wanting to keep you away the second you message comes the block that sudden need to be even farther away from you then what's the point to hold on to the things that make you feel otherwise cause those are nothing but the dreams that your mind again fills up for his absence.....

Delete him off and let him move.....

The way it felt you were forcing your presence in his life when he wanted otherwise.....

It's these moments some random thungs that you come across and suddenly feel so wrong bout yourself..... It's wierd the way things some things can make you feel!

It's like eyes shut it's one beautiful dream life you are living breathing in that's with all things yove ever loved and the second you open your eyes and wake up from it it's the same confusion feeling seeing a lil less of yourself it's weird!