To live with...

 There are a zillion moments even the lilst of one's theoufn your day like the ones in the evening just before stepping out of the studio those few secs on the terrace as the driver takes the bag and sabba stuff away you just stand there and almost evey evening just before leaving there are his white star birds this one pair of white star birds of his that take tat flight over sometime same time around in the evenings almost evey day.....

It's that peace that one moment of peace that you live in that moment cause it pulls you out of the present self and puts you back to that nite laying beside him on your terrace as he talks bout those very same birds and watches them fondly with that smileeeee on him calling them flying star birds at nite....how they appear like flying stars acrosz the sky.....to just live him in that moment charlie and everytime that sight of those birds in the evenings or nite it's Him from that moment for you!

To random places random sound finding someone similar to him to your eyes chasing hoping it's him hoping to see him to just finding chikudkayi this often in your dabba cause your mom thinks you actually love it it's the sight sound of anything to do with him and he is with you.....

How do you fill that gap with somebody else how do you lean over some other sh9uldwr where you still find his in moments like these.....

It's this inner world of yours that you don't wanna come out or lose it in anyway possible.....

As crazy as it sounds it just is the way it is.....what still never makes any sense is why still dream the things you dream his tree dream for instance when on father's day your manager knew you'd say no to the father's day post on your business page and she doesn't post it only the next day you realise it was father's day it's that feeling now ever since him the best dad possible in the world...he would make the bestest dad !!!!!!

He was to you and you still live that glimpse of him of his that beauuuutiful side in that very same tree dream of yours....when that dream strikes it shakes you in the worst way possible!

Who hota nai charlie you can still miss in a certain way but when you live that side of someone knowing the reality who bhi in the dream when you still do, it makes you question why still!

These dreams sometimes don't make sense but maybe in a way letting you kive that side too....

This thing bout writing out some moments and the way they feel different when writing out feels more.....than just a moment!!

It's like people see you walking alone but there is you in your head still living him in those very moemnts.....even when you were walking arohnd the property cause of the lush green beauty of it and then when you realize it was one of his places the waaaaay the place just felt different.....his music and just you living that beauuuutiful rush of him with couples around people waling in out.....you in a world of your own!

How do you even make anybody make sense of this world you are living in still feeling living the things you still do....still living the dreams you do!

When everything else in your life feels most sorted than it ever has been before and yet the only thing that mattered the most in your life, isn't...