It was different...!

 to start with the yesterday !!!!!!!!

whowwwwwwwww this writing today the missing out is sure going to be the most difficult !!!!!!

ginnnn ki bhi thodi deer se utar jaaati charlie ayyyaaaaaaaaa but this Him high i tell you !!!

just like always def not going to be easy !!!!!!!!

soooooooo yahhhhh !!!!!!!

this one routine to work living his places on your way back from work reliving his places through the lil lil naps through the jam with his music playing.... and there are a zillion instances when you see some face somebody passing by somebody standing or just random almost every person drivin by to be like him like whooo hota nai yee tho pakkaaa was him like def if you knew how to drive you wouldve been chasing cars trying to find just that glimpse of him....

prolly the only best thing bout the mask on all the time when out knowing you can see Him like if you find him kahii bhi you dont have to hide and can still stand there living him cause he wouldnt know anyway it was you bolkeee..... so yo udont have to hide away cause of the mask on.....

and this has happened quite a few times last two three weeks where you find somebody that exactly similar to him either in the dressing sense or just by the way someone wlaking with their one hand in the pocket or just by the waaaaaaay it just feeeeeeeeels like its him and has you searching chasing people around with that hope wish for that moment where you just might get to see him after years.....

same was the thing yesterday too...

when your manager wants to take the day off early yesterday and asks you if y ou would help her pick some good fragrance for her sisters birthday....

few places no luck and then finallly it was gvk !!!!

one of his places....

 prolly for the first tim ever since this pandemic situation....

get off the car and the first place starbucks back then His ccd place.....

stand there for a bit plugin his music..... that one feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeling evrytime when there....

its been a decade officially now.... everytime still everytime when there like you can that beauuuuuuuuuuuuutifully picture him standing right there at the corner where back then it had this slope kinda walkway out from ccd.... downhill him standing there as you run rush back with that bahana of having left your fone back to his sister.... and find him still standing there waiting for you like he was THAT sure youll come back for him charlie that one visual that one moment YOUR LIFE !!!!!!!!!!!!

THAT was love !!!!!!!!

every moment with him every sec of living Him was defining love in the most beauuuuuuuuuuutiful of ways.....

you dont need that thing of saying hearing a love you in that moment to just live that unsaid unasked for moment with him.... to just be loved by him that way knowing you the mostest of all the people in your life.... like he knew you like nobody ever could or will !!!!!!!!!!!!

that sure you would come back for him and to just find him there waiting for you not a sec more and run to himmmmm literally and hold him awaaay.... that being your first public hug not caring whose around where you are at nothing at all in that moment all that mattered was just Him and that moment.....

the way both of you felt the same bout that moment like smthing just pulled you away from each other..... and that made him wait for you to come back and the same reason you wanted to go back and hold him see him one more time before heading out with his sister ......

soooooooooooooooooo yahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh !!!!!!!!!

that one place one of your most favs cause you lived one of your most looooooooooooved moments of life there !!!!!!

once there you already were just that lost in him to the perfume section and trying few and you see someone walk past by and just the side face with daadi there hairdo same johny bravo his style hand in the pocket and that feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeling maybe its him, first you get a lil scared what if he sees you and then look in the mirror and realize ohhh but have the mask on and that khushii charlie to just realize that tinggg that you can chase and actuallly look at him from close too and not have to hide away cause you had the mask on and he wouldnt know its you bolkeee...

before you even realize that guy starts to walk much faster literally slow run behind him to just see him where you a step closer thinking bas almost there any moment youll see him and the more closer you got the  more he felt like its him look wise bu that thing inside you still saying its not him.....

but you wanted to take that chance firstly cause you ha dmask on so you still could and not have to be scared bout him knowing its you and secondly and more imptantly cause its beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen thissssssss long charlie !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

prolly the first time in your life since you hadnt seen him for this long !!!!!!!!!!!!

again smthing you dint know you will have to again one of those things you are never prepared for in life !!!!!!!!!!!!

and it happens !!!!!!!!!!!

finally the guy stops at the watch sectiona nd turns towards you and that was anotehr moment that happened the guy wasnt Him.....

that one sinking feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel charlie !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

any word any definition any explanation in detail wouldnt suffice for what and how it felt !!!!!!!!!

cause in your head you were that prepared that sure of seeng him finally after years !!!!!!

like that wait of one sec for the guy to turn and these years of wait was the thing between the two....

and when that one sec of wait shifts back to the years column too - that feeeeeeeeeeeling !!!!!!!!!!!! 

was BEYOND !!!!!!!!!!!!!  

up the volume of his music hoping it calms that tornado inside you down !!!!!!!!

cause that heightsssssssss of missing him to that close sec of seeing him after years to realizing its not him.....

head back to your manager and that first word the guy says is its C and you ask if the guy actually said its C and he repeats again saying its the name of the fragrance by Armani.... 

spray it on your wrist and that feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeling that first smell of Him.....

again how what or why you still donnooo got no clue bout !!!!!!!!

but that sthe beauty of missing and connecting moments charlie....

its like that pull away from it all and closest to that one thing that has your heart and all of you stringed with....

you dont need reasoning whys whats or any justifcation its just that pull that your heart feels connects with....

in that walk of chasing the other guy you lived a zillion n more of his flashes rushing through you.... reliving his walk when out from the washroom after or in between movies with his hair usual habit of his to water his hair away with that gel style sleek look.... and then walking towards you with that look in his eye like suddenly had that different hairdo and was actually style maroing walk bck to you.... with tht swag look on him !!!!!!

to  those walks with him just living your presence beside him holding his hand and that smileeeeeeeeee on him just seeing your hand holding his.... and the waaaaaaaaaay he would look around with that smileeeee o fhis still on him.... in a way always made you feeeeeeeel live that moment of howwww happy he was to have you !!!!!

soooooooooooooooooooooo yaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh smthings you write and recall !!!!!!!!!!!!!

shouldnt have gone there !!!!!!!!!!!!!

soooooooooooooooooo yahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh in that chase living him in a zillion different ways wth mindthat beauuuuuuutifully high on him already and when the perfume guy says its Si and you say a yes a yes always has been with C......

one smell and that feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel of him like it had that sexy moody deep scent to it and that feeeeel of his smell moments to just live his closeness its that thing bout fragrances charlie like your most loved rose 212 is smthing you relive those initial few moments with him everytime you wera that fragrance.....

this one Si classic felt smelled like those moments with him laced with His smell..... that deep moody specially that versova moments with him.... cause that was when you lived him the mostest and closest.....

that closeness of his for those hours smelling sniffing him away and him chuckling away everytime he noticed you sniffing him and calling you his sniffer dog....

this one fragrance that one smell was all n more of those versions of Him lived.....

that side of Him that side of you lived with Him.....

were there to help her for the fragrance and come back with that beauuuuuutiful version of Him....

Si...