sucha long time...!

 It's been this strange need to sort of hold back from writing moments like mentioned with that strangeky beautiful hope...something's nai are just beyond reasons or logics you just go by wty that one feeel one string of hope that you just can't help but.....hold onto!!

No matter how strong the urge to write there is a much stronger string of something as beautiful as a hope that you rather keep up with.....

Ever since the start of your most MOST loved month of your life October there are these lilst moments of magic in moments be it dreams random sounds and faces in the crowds or anything to evrything the waaaaaaays it just brings him along and HOW!!!!!!

and that one struggle be it in the mornings post dreams or moments through your morning stretch just that hint of him strong feeeeel of him and then to hold back is something else...

To prolly was the heights of all moments of magic ..... out today to get few Pooja things from the general bazar and on your way there as you pass by the His Sai abab temple at Rani gunj thatvone strongest rush of him be it the then beauuuuty of him staying out and today you feeling the same not wanting to step into the temple for the obvious reason.....it just felt that strange lil did you know back then that one moment with him was soon going to change your life change you away and HOW!!!!!!!

Get the work done on your way back and right few shops back the car breaks down for the very first time......it just doesn't start!!!!

Like venky struggles not understanding what how why a lil walk ahead was the temple and right outside was the exact same his blue skoda parked out same model not his one though....if that wasnt a strong in your face kinda sign that was in a way pulling you closer not sure what else could be...

Get off ask Venky to check with the battery guy as you google the issue and shows some battery clip thing....walk to the temple and just that need to step inside...

Once there it was under renovation and baba moved to the other side.....and that first question soon as you see him how does it feel like not being home and outside looking in......it was a strange moment cause evr since you were a kid the only god idol guru you ever knew worshipped was Sai Baba......like mom literally used to make you pray first thing in morning like no other than him......

And today when there the waaaaay everything him Rushes through you.....

Being there with him for the first time to stepping out and just watching him looking at you the way he was soon inside when you ask him to bring his face closer the way he just looks you in the eye the whole moment the vibe of that moennt his face his that smile that one smile in theatvmonent to once you apply vibudhi the touch of your finger that one wiiiidest smile possible that complete moment, beyond!!!!!!!!

Today once done with darshan applying vibudhi with him on your mind step outside and just stay there for a bit with that spot in sight.....

Something's you just donno the waaaaay standing there today inside the temple with some pantulu on the fone screaming the polish sound and strong smell everything around just disappears it's that beautiful blank zen vibe that you can feeeeelbthat oneness with the place with the moemnt playing in your mind.....like that outwordly experience that's not normal like you are there in your present self qnd yet living the moemnts wit him from back then where he actually comesvwith you inside the temple the n3xt time when there after coming back from Bangalore with his cheque in hand.....

Something's even when you write now this THIS feeeeeeeeeeeel!!!!!!

This one rap song and just this one line off it, such a long time been sucha long time...!

Magic of October…!

 MOMENTS!!!!!!

Lilst moment of Khushi!!!

 Lilst joys of life I say in moments like these!!

To C the moon kinda moment…!

Mornings!!!!!!

 Sound n scent of monsoon every single time this heart I say!!!!!!!! Gets that overfilled with all him right from the very start to the Dd meet!!!!!!

Heavy rains with thunder n jazz and night of reading cause every time there’s this urge to write out you hold back with this strange hope now…with that sudden random realisation weeks back bout how when you did start this trip of writing him out there was no meeting him for real kinda strange of you think of it now!!!!!

And this one line that beauutofully insync they can’t understand it cause they haven’t felt what you’ve felt kinda thing…..

Words again vibe of their own the ways they can resonate with you is beyond words and logics !!!!!

Last one week se this one thing you really want to get a tattoo and it was last night you find this beautifully simple one line art chip squirrel earlier it was a bird flight mode that you really wanted now contemplating between the two……for now mind him high again looking for him even in the dream state!!!!

Squished in the workout again with this strange state of mind!!!!!!

One of those days!!!

 Sundaaaays the youdaaaaays!!!!!!

A lil too highhh to write for once can never thank enuf for the auto protect pitruupooja mlorninv kinda start to the fab latest whitetemple caus it has the moooooooosstetsttt beautiful Sanghi Wibes like thee second u there all u cans think feeel live is him awaaaay and howwwwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeee

Mind feeeet pooooora poooooora dilll of the ground today I say!!!!!!

Just happpppy but am notttt where l wannnaaa beeee chalieeeeeeeey!!!!!!!!

Sanghiiiday became the youdaaay!!!!!!!

Feeeels!!!!!

 Morning started with toooo many feeeels all at once the waaaaaaaays he comes!!!!!!!!!!

Mind be it yesterday last night most importantly and this almost continuation sort of vibe this mornings dream!!!!!!!

Mind heart every lilst organ I say inside waaaay too many feeels feeelin away!!!!!!

Lilst space for sleep finally get in squish in the workout long day ahead not sure how you are going to cope up with this deeels state of mind cause it’s definitely showing up in your expression questions already!!!!!

Sometimes nai lagta who Kuch log nai hote Kuch bhi Karlo face pe expressionich nai dikta be it happy or sad good or bad luckiest ones I tell you in situations like these!!

Lilst of something of him and the waaaay it just just shows that evidently on your face , blessed are the lot who know the art of hiding away expressions I say!!!!

Again where to where only it went!!

FILMS!!!!!

 Films are nothing but life's experiences being re written down being shared!!!!!

And HOW!!!!!!

it's the waaaaay he talks bout her shares things bout her shares him watching her loving her from a distance was like living him feeeeling him holding you from the back at opera and sharing you with you......like through that one scene you felt him the STRONGEST him feeling your hand away holding tighter closer and sharing you with you......

Some moments nai charlie when you lived it like literally lived every sec every breath of that specific moment even with the movie dialogue playing you could almost hear the beauuutiful quietness if the opera with his music playing lowest vol possible his music system being lowered cause he didn't like the bright light to shine through the car all dark no sound nothing just him talking shairjg you nd his love for you holdinf you......

That whole experience of watchjng feeeling him through that scene was something else!!!!!!!

To another one where his dad tries to embarrass him before every ody else with his career choices and she stands up for him same feeel when some morning at his place and some business magazine on the table and his dad talks bout the same with his career choice and you just mention everything takes time to excel be it business or his like of career it just is about time.....and the way his dad says something to you that beautiful again don't wanna repeat high hope vibes totally and the way the waaaaaaay his face lights up in that moment his dad leaves to get ready and him in ishaara asking you to come over to his room.....the second you are there the waaaay he just holds you away just that one hug no word nothing at all just holding you tightest even after doesn't say a word just that one smile glued on him throhfthe day!!!!!!!

There was that one thing charlie donno how or why to protect him like you would fight for him with anybody like back then even with your mom that prolly wssbthe first time you lived that feeling of being fearless not caring a damn thing bout you taking a stand for him and just saying never again anything bout him...like that was the first time you ever spoke that way!!!!!

To just protect him came that naturally to you...!

Mix of toooooo many beautiful feeeels tonight!!!!!!!!!!

That one Him i swear!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This one film made you relive tooooo much him the versions of him somehow slipped with time and tus beauuuuutifully refreshed in your mind......

This THIS rush of him!!!!!!!!!!!!

If only you could runnnnnn away to just hold him away abiii k abi this very moment missed him again like neevr before today!!!!!!!