The missing...

 Sometimes mostly actually but on days like these really really miss him!!!!!

Cause all this he wanted it for you and now that you do have the only person you wanna share talk it out share it out is with him to him.....

The shoot day when with conversation the topic diverges to how unique ur brand and designs were in comparison to the other ones in Hyderabad today....cause she models for most of the major brands and her sharing these details bout how your work designs and each one being unique and detailed needs more exposure and exhibitions and stuff and all through that conversation there was that Him running rushing through your mind cause him saying the same back then....i really want you to do something for yourself like i really want to see you be something and feel proud of you the way you do for me...but I am proud already of how you are and just the way you are he ftaaak se adds to it...

Like there is that beautiful lostness that your mind experiences through such conversation cause physically you still are there but your mind all of you on the inside is right there with him in that moennt in the balcony him standing and saying these things and y8u just that beauuuutifully lost in him......

Like all day evening playing this track cause it makes you feel away that much him...

And coming back home watching some series and you galti se sleep or something and wakeu9 talking to yourself in your sleep it was talking to him and you actually wake up saying something like bole tho sun nai reh tumm and almost hear him say back howlii hai tu.....like that sound of him saying it back to you shakes you up and you realise you were talking it out loud sharing it away with him and actually hear him say it back to you!!!!!

Even writing it now the waaaay it's just making you feel cause you still donn9 what that moment was bout like you talkingnto yourself happens sometimes when you really wanna share something with him and somehow still that on your mind and you pass out and find yourself talking out loud wake up to your own sound...

But the wAay this time was that different cause you weren't drunk nothing at all and yet you definitely did hear him his voice say that to you!!!!!

Something's you relive stillll that beauuutiful but writing it out and now reading it out as you write ajeeb lagta kabhi but that's the level of misseeing when you want to share things with him!!!!!!

Ajeeb nai!!!!!!!

Rear view...

 Call it time travel co incidences or just these rear view flashes of Him but the way it just happens out of nowhere....like some sound some visual randomly comes out of nowhere strokes you holds your hand and off it takes you away fr everything else.....

Just the word to that flow of all things him...

Last few days there have been many some clients and some random people who had been mentioning the same thing ever since the black anarkali Alia post saying your work is on the similar lines just that you need to do more model wearing posrs instead of mannequin so they get a better idea about the beauty of it....like comparing your work to an already established designer was a big high.....also made sense and plan this sudden phone shoot and the first moment same moment of magic when with her on the fone and his Nu manto track plays on her fone as she does her makeup.....it happened years back with another shoot too where the editor plays the same track of his over the laptop.....it's that one second of smile one second of magic one second of HIM that brings along and the waaaay it leaves you with!!!!!

Like even whilst taking the shots that one beauuuuuuty of him and His magic of sound stayed with you¡!!!

Work high makes feel good makes you work harder but the waaaaaay there's that Him in your life charlie and anything slightest to do with him and the waaaaaay waaaaaays it makes you happppay is beyond logics.....

Cause it's not even lilen you met him or something but even just that touch of him in moments visuals and sounds and that sudden brush of Khushi it Swift's you off af away with is just beyond you...

Blueberry Pancakes!!

 Working on designs and research for next studying shoot concepts and stuff like off late doing more research on concept shoots and stuff and with designs to finalise on Monday few had to be sorted tonight....

Loving listening to emancipator whilst working like puts you in that zone and also there is that not sure why that beautiful sense of Him with emancipator tracks....or its just your mind eventually the way it lands Him up with evrything almost lately!!!

Cause that's that level of misseeing the mind has landed in!!

Soo yeah and this one track named blueberry pancakes wasn't that great though but the way that sound of word makes you feel him like there's def some track of his that you remember discussing with him bout how they could make a track by the name of pancake back then.....shut your eyes and that search through tracks and that one visual of him waiting with that look on him and you ask him the track name and he says it's blueberry pancakes.....with that visual that sound of his Fink and that one feeeeeeeep charlie!!!!!!

The way moments like these out of nowhere almost touch you and let you fly awaaaaay to the most loooooved time of your life...

To Him!!!!!!

Initial days of knowing his music his Fink and that Khushi of his as he watches you love his music with each track...

Where on some drive back home with mango he plays some techno sound that had that woman screaming sound to it and the way he immediately changes it and mango asks him to let the song play and the way he that addoooorably jokes away saying ineee ye sab suni tho dar jaati and fataak se mango mentions it but you did say that she loved your music right and that one look of his fataaak se at you puzzled shyytyy ayyyyyyeeeeeeee ayyaaaaaa the waaaaay he used to shyyy away charlie!!!!!!

Pindrop silence after and you just that lost in him like you clearly remeber till he dropped you back and with mango still going on n on and pretty much talkingnto himself you couldn't just couldn't take your eyes off him...

It was that first feeeeels first time knowing how much you loving his music meant to him that he was sharing the same with others.....

Even writing it now this feeeeeeel luckiest in the world ever !!!!!!!

HOW!!!!!!!

 This kinda feeeeelnand state of mind you ekdumm se land in always makes you wonder just HOWWWW!!!!!!!

Like one lilst somthing of him touches you and what it just like that does awaaay something to your mind is something you can never make sense of....

Like kittaaa bhi àbhi try karlo the waay the mind is just off now of work n e dytvung else all that stays is this THIS rush of him rushing through you now!!!!!!!

HOW like this only evry single time ayyaaaaaaaa that one him i tell you!!!!!

The most gorgeous trouble of your mind that your mind loooves now!!!¡!!

His voice ayyaaaaa even as you write and relive that sound of his voice was LOVE with first sound also...

All it takes is a Sound…!

 And just like that a word a sound and wooosh bolke maaagic!!!!!!

Moments and sound of the nights like these and exactly why you love this time of the day the mostest feeels you the mostest MOSTEST!!!!!!!

A lil high on accidental daru and just that THAT bit more high on Him!!!!!!

It’s the waaaaaay that essence of Him comes along in words n sounds…

From the start of the day to the moments through the day to this very moment when it’s a late night work hour and right amidst that a moment of Him magic happens and how!!!!!!

Miyaaaa tumhaaari ekdummm seee dhadaaaam bolkeee yaaad maaari I say!!!!!!!

Saving the day feels away cause ths was pure moment of magic and THAT much him!!!!!!

Mind engrossed with work and that one word to that one glimpse of him to that sound of him and then the sound of his music and everything else just stopped, all you can feeeeeel away now is Him!!!!!!

Waking up…!

 There are mornings and then there is a morning like this one is when you re realise just how slightest of moments bhi can make sucha huge difference like matters that much!!!!!!

It was just his touch his whisper over your ear saying soemthing as you passed out writing writing for a bit that rush of goosebumps you wake up with cause you literally felt him that strongly for that moment!!!!!!

From that moemnt to this mornjngs dream again a continuation of everything that you felt away for him last night or all of yesterday the waaaaaaaay he comes charlie ayyyaaaaaaaaaa that one feeeeeel of being swooooosh bolkeeeee held away by him its like suddenly you are in the outer space mind body n soul that beauuuuutifully him high even as you live him in the dream……to moments like again that feeeeeel of him allowing you to feeeel away all that you missed bout him last night……

Like you wakeup this morning and head and feet in the clouds i aay cause the mind body and you this him high stilllll  this one feeeeeeeel rush pf him when it strikes you and like howwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!

Him - poooooooora ka poooooooora heart n evrythung to do with it i saaaaay!!!!!!!

Workout done but all through it that beauuuutiful rush of him like wven with workout tracks playing mind just jn the cloud with glimpses of him his touch his whisper just that feeeeeeeel of him away and offffff you flyyyyy!!!!!   

Prolly the only reason you aren’t firing the manager with each passing day adding to a zilluon work messups her fone…..

Soon as she walks in just that need to see him where you know he is nt posting that often but whdn the mind feeeeeeeels him this waaay ayyaaaaaa just that something to fill up with!!!!!

Howleeeeeeeee zaraaaaaa sa bhi if you only knew, ruke na kadaam mere thooo hai beesabar!!!! jaaane kyaa hogaaaaa itttteeee saaaare pyaaar kaaaa!!!!!!!!

HOW!!!!!

 This beauuuuty of writing some moments out and the way it's like this one video almost flashes sounds feeeels of him rushing through you and this feel now how like how someone just like that becomes that important in life even reliving some moment as beautifully lil as him opening the door with you standing there with that one loud feeeeeeeeelndhummm bolke settling in you with a beauuuuuuuutiful sigh of a finally......Him!!!!!!

Like evry single time that one moment of living him his orsence first second to the many seconds later that one sigh for this one face in the world for you like he would always had to ask you to come inside cause that's how lost you always used to be for those initial few seconds after seeing him to just live that moment charlie from absence to presence from missing to meeting and to just let it all sink in soak away feeeeel it all away for a while longer to just live him ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!

Like that one adooooorable puzzled expression watching you just stand there at the door and living him away and thus one time he even jokes bout the same thing saying andar aake aur dekh sakte maloom!!!!!

This mind ekdum seee now had to write other things but just this feeeeel of that meet now!!!!!!

Like you could touch him smell him chummi him other things him hold him like he really was that close ki you could see him for real and not just in the dreams!!!!!

Like for real?????!!!!!!!