Changes!!!!!

 That much to write and donno where to start from!!!!!!

First the himcoming ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa how much more can you possibly write on the beauty of some moemnts there’s no face ever that you’ve ever loved looooooooooooooved the waaaaaaaays you loved and missed this one!!!!!!  

There’s that sukoooon there’s that beauuuutiful rush that he brings along every single time he comes like this like it’s more of his missing lately like you can just that stronnnnngly feeeeel in the moves around and over you wanting you to be as close as possible pulling you closer the way he touches kisses details of you is like him living away every detail of your presence cause that’s how much he missed you agaaaaaain something’s you write!!!!!

Exactly why you’ve been putting off writing lately cause it sounds like your madness completely now with time…….

But this beauuuuuty of some moennts and the waaaaaaaay it can fill your heart n soul up is beyoooooond……..

The only presence you’ve ever lived and LOVED sing miyaaaaa!!!!!!!!

It’s that rush soon as you are up your heartbeat still beating high that rush inside that face red on the outside cause you wake up still in the moemnt witb him and that confusion of not being able to find on the pillow still you couldn’t make sense of……..

And that pull like always to live him for longer feeeeel his touch on your skin for longer and get in the workout!!!!!!

And that one feeeeeeeeeel every single time to be able to feeeeeeel him that STRONGLY in your waking state too along and with you !!!!!!!!

There have been changes some major some for the best of you…..changed 5-6 managers as it’s been too much work handling for you on your own and didn’t workout finally some talk with the sister and she steps in the reason you started this switched this initially was for to be able to handle the house on your own without some support from your then dad as you just couldn’t it’s that feeeeel charlie the one who had to look out the best for you turned your dream jnto nightmare not going there not going there!!!!!

Sooooo yahhhh and the name happened as as a kid your sisters dream it was to work something in designing as she used to stitch barbie clothes on her own and what had happened in her life she blamed you for it somehow was right from others point of view for elder sister to be married first and when she doesn’t there’s that big doubt that comes along with a hell of lot questions!!!!!

But somehow you couldn’t see the many questions doubts as it always came down to that one moment of living a moment leave alone a life with somebody as it would def come down to that eventually and you just couldn’t see yourself in that space sharing that space with somebody else…

Like the day you told your mom you would go ahead and get married with anybody if she really wants you to but it would only last a day or two and eventually will come down to what you are now……after that never did that question ever come from her!!!!!

The equation with your sister is nothing like what it was before she loved you she adored you nothing of that anymore and you don’t blame anybody for that, it’s just situations leading to things and stuff!!!!!

And when she decides to you leave it for her and just take care of the planning organizing and management things and final selection of campaigns witb shoot direction and styling!!!! 

It’s been a big step and frankly charlie these things never even mattered to you somehow so it didn’t make that big of a difference you have a Lott more time for yourself now joined Pilates planning to go for early morning walks at kbr but that’s still a lil away knowing you have to be up early for that and dummmmmmmm it is!!!!!!

Amidst a zillion more other things there’s this calm like no other it’s that feeeeeeeeeel charlie where all of you gets drawn without even consciously wanting or deciding to but it’s not in your control it’s like that inner sense of belonging no matter what or how you are on the outside that feeeeeeeeeel of every string of nerve in your system being pulled closer every single time to just that one presence that one sense of human that one sense of belonging that one sense of feeling like you are finally Home…

This morning high feeeeels different today toooo much deeep ho gaya!!!!!

His sleep face was your most MOST favvvvvvvv one this morning toooooo ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaa it’s when you most felt to eat his face awaaaaay every single time you used to see him that way!!!!!!! 

Sing miyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ayyyaaaaaaaaaaa poooora ka poooooora heart I say!!!!