don't feel a thing!

 all these years of silence blocks and the pushing away.....all those times when you wanted to just go n see him and couldn't cause of financial reasons back then all of that distance evruthung all this while never really broke you this bad.....

This time this block this time did break smthing the worst way possible like it just broke you in the worst possible way for the first time .....like after that now you don't feel a thing nothing at all.....

Stop being in your place been over 15 days now cause being here now after all these days today the first time is why you know you didn't want to be here.....it did become the Him corner of your house...

This feeeel some places can make you feel the vibe of some place I say!!!!!

Deleted him off and stayed tht way for the first time this long in all these years.....cause you know now!!!!!

It's only today being a mother's day and all those flashes of him as your kid back then the moments and thar need to add him back just for the day today....

Is when you realise what it was all bout actually.....having him on WhatsApp was in a very weirdly strange way of that feeling of holding him closer to you cause that was only way you could.....in your mind it was that feel of having him closer all these years where you just couldn't have him off ur whatsapp for no longer than a day or two....some dream some momenr some sound made you wanna have him back cause that was your way of holding him closer to you.....

This time after that feel of the break in you after that realisation you don't belong there.....you let it free that feeling of holding him closer set it free....and just let him be, living his life having people he wants to be with instead of being the one there where you don't beling anymore.....

Just today that feel of the whole mommy thing that need to hold him closer today was there.....like after that you finally slept for a bit cause all these days you just couldn't.....

It's these thungs that you don't wanna write now cause you don't like this you this you feeling all this cause it's like reading exactly what and how you feel on the inside...... 

But today that need to just write the you out in the Him corner....

Feela good here the calm today with no sound nothing just the music the breeze in the air the mind at ease...

It's like the only bond you share now to think of him this way...

Strange nai charlie after all these years ekdum se smthing just breaks you that bad that you finally don't feel a thing anymore...

It's a strange feeling first time !!!!!!!!