stranger strangest things!

This strangest of things that has happened more than once charlie....

The sec even if be it you sharing it all here the way it just cnabges it away!

Not sure if it's the karnatak oatheeeetic wine back it again that you just gotta finish or the mind what it feels is right....

And it only occured to you just now as you were writing bout the block....

The things you are happiest bout and you write out and it just changes awaay....like the thing bout him watching ur first n only stroy that made you happiest cause that to you meant that you meant smthing to him for him to even randomly see want to see your story.....the sec you screamed our write out your hapoeiness poooff it's gone!

Never happened again!

The sec you talk bout his frequent Sunday sightings making your Sunday's all Youdays with that feeeling of having seen him loking forward to seeing him even ve it in ouctires on Sundays Youdays it's done poooffffff again!

To the recent one noon meets online again in your madhead it's you living him right there which happened almost everyday until you happy write it out poooooiffffffff fck the gone again!!!!

No windee they say don't say out how much you love never show your love before someone else never care too much love too much.......

Amidst all this somedays some movies and that one feeeeel every sjngke time how much of Him from back then did you finally become..... how much of you has changed and become THAT much of him.....from the movie you like music to what you like doing your need for the mee time to just be on your own your walks at the oddest of hours are like those drives of his that he would love to go on just by himself to get his mind right....

Cause u can't drive walks do that for you!

Or this time of the hour with his music playing that one corner slow even with the movie playing candle lit just your kinda me time with all Him that beauuuutifully slow flowing throufh you....

Connecting moments sounds words......

The fear!

 Been a movie day tootally.....

Also yet another one of those moments that u see smthing sooooo good and that very first n only name person face that comes ro your mind knowing he would loove it too but also when you forget it's been that long and with time people change cause in some way you have too.....

When you live different situations is when you realize how much uve changed..

Its strangely all fading away charlie the missing there that much love still there but that thing bout that wait.......

The movie this new found love for great soundtrack based movies that u loooove now.....this very one today knowing his love for that kinda music knowing that him from back then would've loved it too...the one you knew!

The same you back then would've straight away msgd me asking if this one was him cause there is no other way it could be somebody else it's that strong thing that one feel that screams through you somehow that's him same feel back then over that other skype like random page that he suggests you to come on cause the skype wasn't working and it keeps changing new peoppe coming in and you just gotta find yours and there he was talkin to you like some random guy but in you that one string feeeeel of him which he later does mention bout it being him...

 That same this time too and yet you couldn't just ask him away cause in tat moment it was bout if you do he woiod block you again and then you think he is there but maybe now you are just another contact on the list......not a word nothing at all!

So what would that mean like what's more important to just be with living from distance or to just lose that bit of it too....

This movie now that one line does it for you and with friends wedding planning moving in finally day after and the work plans with too many things on mind comes down to some words some moments that you come across and the way it just connects it all away!

Just like that!!

To this one moment when you had to reply this stylist for some outfit for tomo to be picked and that usual thung to see him for a bit first and that sec you dont see his pic for a sec with that one lil sec of feel he blocked you back??!

As you write this now that one strange fear too which has happened more than once...

Just like in the movie the mention bout saying things out not to tell anybody anything if you want it to last!

Him!!!!!!!

 In two minds if him or not with that also thoug if be had to he woidkve done that frm his number instead......then his spy histry on other side and also cos nobody else no other guy would have ur number also zeee the doubt I say....today again

Another mesage saying hello hi random and u finally _reply back asming who n all and turns out for some richa u ask again asking if it's him and a hehe yes but then calls you as zhre also confusing.....

But whooooo hotaaa nai chalieeee aur kon hota if not him thete is noo99 way ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaa its himmmmm.....

Also if himmmm would've frm his number ayyyaaaaaa howleeeeeeeeeedeee thru all this one thing onsideidyent how onlyyyyyy You are being missed on a karnatka wine high t0999o!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That one himmmmmmmmm in yhe world for u I saaaaaaaaay!!!!!!!!!!!

Cooooookieeeeeee pieeeeeé how onlyyyyy Uuuuuu are being missszzrd I sayyyyyyy

moments!!!!!

 Some days on the calendar right there one big bold colored number with an even bolder halo circled around!!!!!!

One of those dates of his on the calendar is the valentine's!

Just when it wasn't easy enuff that one mezzage waaaayyyy tooo early morning hey this is me!

And lo gone you were then n there!!!!

Yet another one of those moments where you lose that com9leye sense of reality and presence and float awAY FLY awaaag to the wAAY it makez you feel then n there that person that line that message becomez him as his promise frkm back then every vakentinez with you loving you more than the previous one.....also when you feeel that spy him is on yhe rise again.....

Cause there is noo99o absolute way any other guy specifcally coulw would have your number other than him!!!!!!

AyyyyaaaaaaA IF GIN wasn't enugg the karnatak wine today I saaaaayyy!

Words, promises...

 

Handwritten notes...!

shadows...!!

 It's this feeek charlie like this pic he'd posted days back and you usual missing checmkmg on him and that very sec he posts this one pic of a tree and the shadow light play....by the windows it looked that similar to that window pane of his other house you met him at and also like his actual house.....

But the shape of the tree it's that abstract form of one sleeping the other whispering away getting closer... you could see interpret it that way as that's exactly how you live him feel him now...

Also that feeeeel of having him in the lilst of moments wit you through the day and through the sleep like you just feeeeeel him there with you...throufh n through just there!!!!!!

Like the shadow like that tree bending iver the shaodw wbispering away to having missed him for years now the only other waking time you feel him to be closest is when he comes online now one of those lilst one sec meet around 12:30ish in the day like you wait for that time around or vytimw you find him online is like your moment when he is the closest like in your mind that has missed him for what seems like lifetime now that's your moment when he is right there just there other side of the glass of the device he is right there closest......

Cause otherwise even having being arihnd this close till now geographically could never see him around then came the block to once unblocked it's akway been thus one moment when he felt the closest like he is there and you are living him.....

As weird ass crazy as this sounds smthjnf nai are waaaaaay beyond the logic even if it sounds madness to you alone you knowwww what that means to you....like you drop no matter what you are doing to be arond there at that time to just live him even for a bit!!!!! Also maybe why as much as you did love that painting like dp of his you miss seeinf him seeing his picture again your way of living him with the distance habfjng there!!!!!!

The more you write the more this feeeeeeeling!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Hiw beautifulky strange are the ways of the heart n mind trying to fill up for the missing in its own crazy way......like to just fill it up away his presence I saaaay I swear!!!!!!

Hiw that one someone that one presence feeeks like nothing else can!!!!!!!!

Its weird nai to think of it billion gazillion fazilluon people walkjfn arojnf and yet that one just that one changes it all away and HOW!!!!!!

JUST THAT ONE PRENCESS!!!!!!

princess?!!!

Presence!!!!!!!!!!!

Shadows...

 Soooooooo yahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Holding hiding away from your own mind away and HOW!!!!!!!!!

from your place to now every time you see gulmohar the way it leaves a smile big smile on your face - mehboobabad!!!!

To the corners of his bake house big bazaar having that version of him wanting to see his color of love on you that badly that makes you stand under direct light so he could see it clear and that one smileeeee on him soon as he sees your neck colored all colored away by him......

This nite this lil gin high mind and this rush I say!!!!!!! Ever since that one moment!!!!!!!

Never not even for a second could you would you ever get used to anything to do with him and when it's the sound of his name ayyyaaaaaaaa this feeeeeeeling inside of you ever since that one moment!!!!!!

Kyaaaaaaaa ho jaaataaa ki charlie!!!!!!

Ekdum seee woooiiish bolkeeeee it all just changes away ekdum seee.....

Sooooo yaaahhhhh 

To the gym wali galki turning to orchids flower wala think of us when uo8 think of flowers do you still think of us??;!!!!!;

To lifestyle to tibba Frankie spot to the hay place where you couldn't find a table on valentine's to the the turns n sways on the flyover that he would swoooosh away just so you get close to him to thme rk cineplex to the khushii tiffin at rd 10 to kbr ka gate to the many spots of gulmohars to any lil thing on the way to q mart to the polo assassins window display that has his blue n red t shirt that he used to love wesring and you loooooived feeeeeeeling his hand away over it cause it was the softest t shirt possible and he like eveuthjng else knew that too the waay he would make you hold his hand over skin instead of holding over his t shirt and wvrytime you see that same combination t shirt anywhere or on anybody that feeeel of his t shirt that you can still feel over the tip of your fingers.....

Tjat one touch that one feeeeeeeeeeel of his hand over the t shirt......

This mind now only gettting worse I say!!!!!!!

Rushes!!!!!!!3

 Nothing no one smthing could ever make you feel that way ever again.....

Just that one look that one face that one touch that one Him in the world for you!!!!!

And today after years when you hear someone you just were blushing away just by the sound of his name that one feeling also I say almost forgotten.....like smthimf like that exists too?!

To just walking around with that one Him rushing through you all those moments of him living you and that rush through you like he could just know by your face exactly what was running on your mind no mayyer what the situation or place is no matter whose around he would just knowwwwww just by your face......and when in complivated situation that one look from him knowing again just knowing that would make you happy like nothing or no one else in the world could....

To just by your face knowing same time that year on maha shivratri just by your face and knowing you that beauuuutifully well you protesting against your mom or that day on valentine's when he insists on a movie date to let you live your "ideal" valentine's date from movies thatbyou always dreamed bout and making you live your dream but it was him charlie his way of loving you that was that slowly that beauuuutifully transforming you away into all things Him.....and suddenly all you knew bout love and all things love was just Him...

To just live him love him did become Love to you.. 

That day when he talks bout the movie datevon valentine's and in the parking lot just bout to get off and just hold his hand and just be looking at him and the way he fataaaaaaak se starts the engine and speeds out from there and makes you lay over his lap and that one feeeeeeeeeeel inside opera it was......

Not a word spoken that day your idea of love too just like his did become Him.....a date an ideal movie date did become to live him to love him in your most loved place on the face of this planet I say - Opera...

Ayaaaaaaa that one place and that many Hims lived there and evey single time that one mention bout this one place and this feeeeeeeeeeeeling it overloads you with!!!!!!!

Times!!!!!!!

TIMES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rushes!!!!!!!2

 The sec you hear that one name in the world goosebumps it's that wordless feeeeeeeling charlie like all of him suddenly rushing through you at the highest fcking speed possible like you are that still on the outside sitting there looking at the froth over your coffee with that sound of his name all of rushing through you.....

And the way post call she hangs up and asks you the first thing wasn't it cause of the name and you ask waht and the way she says you were all pink blushing away and then adds up aren't you crazy bout him and that one big nod with just a yep and you get off and walk out for a bit....

Plug in his music stroll around the mall just living all him away.....

That one track that one moment that evening when he meets you after coming back from that Pune festival that he was at the first meet after coming back and picks you up just stops under a street light and looks at you and just tyat one look one stare and the waaaaaaaaaaaay it makes you feel all on inside just thatvone stare of his and that very sec he plays this track by Darius Rushes...

The way him telling you how you just blush when he just looks at you bhi to that even deeper blush with that first touch of the meet even be it everyday.....

It was something charlie to just see him to be looked at by him..... exactly why you love loooooove live him jn his places...the way the moments lived there the versions of him lived there are thus fresh like it was just yesterday.....he was there standing there walking upto you and you living that one beauuuuuuty of his.....just looking you in the eye with that one smileeeeee on him knowing just knowing even in that moment you were just that happoy living him away in that walk of his.....

Be it him waking back from getting water food to eat getting movie tickets or just peeing n heading back anything to everything evry moment lived him frim a distance or was it the whole vibe feeeeeel of just watching him living him walking upto you and as he did looking you in the eye knowing how truly deeply madly you loooooived living him in that very moment....

That one thing bout looove charlie you end up loving living any to every moment of theirs.....any to everything bout them means way more than just a random moment cause you tend to see them way beyond than just that moment you begin to connect relate just know them live them love tjem beyond those random details seen known by any and evrybody else....it's that side of theirs that just you know you see you connect you relate you loooooooove makes you go crazyyy bout em....cause it's smthinf just you see it as feel it as cause that's what love does to you seeing them more than what they are on the outside.....

Dig dive in awaaaaaaay!!!!!!

Ayyyyaaaaaaaaaa howleeeeee still writing You beauuuuuuuuuutiful big lil thing I tell you!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rushes!!!!!!!

 That one face in the world for you, that one look in the world for you, that one n only touch in the world for you...

There couldn't be wouldn't be anybody else than Him...

In the middle of a meeting with your manager bout the upcoming men's wear just blazer design n patterns at Starbucks and this call on your managers fone some stylists assistant and she says that one name in the world for you, Chetan...

Ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa even writing it now howleeeeeeeeeedeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chetan!!!!!!!

Chetannnnnn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Some moments!!!!!

 whatsuppppppp charlieeeeeee!!!!!

Beeen long waay too long but that need to hide away from your own mind when the misseing is only getting worse by the second......

To getting back also cause when he strikes your mind away there's no thing that can hold you back from writing the missing out cause it got baaaadky worse than just bad misseeeing!!!!!!!

 

It's that one month full of everything all things rush......

Firstly and like always most importantly it's that one month that thing on the calendar that again changed it all with Him...

The valentine's month that completely transformed away with all things Him....

The one month with too many beauuuutiful most beauuuutiful memories of different versions of Him and his love for you...

To the moving bit giving the present one away for rent and moving to another one.....

Last week was panicky when thought some heart issue of your mom and turned out to be just the gas acidic stuff but that feeling when you couldn't reach back on time and nobody around her to be with her was shaky.....

Also made you take this decision of moving closer to the studio so you can cut back on the 2.5 hours journey back home everyday.....

But whooo hota nai charlie one place one way and a lifetime of memories and having to move away though you know you still have your home here but that feeeeeeeeling charlie of not being able to live him through these places of his that which has now become your most loved routine whilst heading back n forth from the studio....

But first the moment from the day and the way it just transformed you and everything all around you away and how!!!!!!

Howleeeeeeeeee stil writing reliving it all how only You were missed I say!!!!!!!!