Him = coming alive...!

 U think of this many a times on dull days sometimes how nothing makes you come alive not being anywhere being gifted something by your mom just to cheer you up like being somehwre nothing else has this kinda affect on or over you!!!!!

And here's him with a dream with a stare through sleepy starry eyes of his some gentle slow whisper of his taking your name some visual photograph sound of his whistle sound of his whiff whiff his hand movement of his hand anything to everything to do with him the waaaaaaaay waaaaàaaaays it transforms you away like this......

This mind this face this all inside what and how it's feeling away right now or evr since the start of the day on the outside no matter what this smile this rush of him this mind this beauuuutifully high on him like it's afloat off the ground just like his psy beedi vibes.....

The waaaay it leaves you transformed the visual of his house memories and flashes of him in corners lived......is when you realise again time n again how much HOW MUCH you loved living him even in his spaces to just live him around to live his lilst of details!!!!!

Today to live these lilst of moments of him his sound of whistle his hand the moemnts lived with him feeling his hand away skin and hair away..... like all it takes is a visual a sound to do this to you and howwww!!!!!!

It's this beauuuuutiful feel of rush charlie mind just hapoy high on him is when you also feel how happy someone's existence can make you feel is also when you realise that's how much you love them......not just cause you want them to love you but because you just love them....love them for their existence......

Chipppy today you are missed very very differently and for the zillionth time if only you had the slightest idea or feel, as to how much and how bad you were missed!!!!!!!

Sound of his voice...!

 Sneaking away the holding hands moemnts just before dropping you back late in the evenings like casually walking out and suddenly would come close chummi you away in the middl3 of the same place or just hold your hand away and on your way back home when you ask him why would he do that outside what if som3body sees him do that and stuff and just that one face he would make charlie saying he just loved the idea of you being at his place in his home right there and suddenly it used to make him feel very happy bout it like tujhe aise dekhe tho mere ghar mein it just makes me very happy i donno why.....and cause it suddenly used to make him that happy he loved the idea of chumming you away in the centre of his house or to just hold your hand away before everybody else even be it for a moment just used to make him that happy...

To just sitting there and watching tv with daadi for a few mins like he would stand at the stairs in ishaara calling you and here daadi wanting to spend some time with you holding your hand.....and after a while she herself used to tell you now go he is waiting for you.....

Soon as you are with him the very first thing somebody else holding your hand when I'm missing you this much just feels weird......like he would hold you away or ekdum se sit on the floor with against the wall and make you sit between the leg and hold you and tell you this......there was that tone of adoooooorable complaints in his voice the way he wood share such things away with you!!!!!

It's that thing again charlie of knowing someone loves you and that moemnt of realisation he loves you That much to you thise moemnts were all and more bout such realisations.....

HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

this one big sigh your heart lives i say after something's you relive as you write......

spaces 2!!!!

 It's been years since been there like somehow somehwre that wait was always there to just see his room in some story of his just so you could relive the moments seeing his room SOMETHUNGS again are beyond logic.....just that need to relive things visually seeing the corners of his room that him and you had named like the all out wall of his right outside the washroom that was yours and his most fav corner and wall of the house......to the lucky corner to the mirror corner to the sneak out corner to his music collection corner of his room but today to see his house inside of it after years left you with a huge rush of missed and mixed memories......

Cooking for the first time in your life like a proper meal with sheera poori on his demand to making rotis for breakfast for him early morning where even uncle stays back for some cause you were making it to daaadi stepping into the kitchen and how it becomes a big deal in the house cause she never did for any ody and actually does it for you cause she was more worried forbyou than what you were cooking.....the person that filled up that missed out grandmother love and adore in your life......even chachi usedbto see and feel this she definitely loves you a lot for her to be with you the way she used to be.....

To the dining area again that meal with him where him that beauuuuuutifullu High stays back for you even when he had to be somewhere cause that day that one meal can never forget..... instead of sliding down he takes the steps that slow and with each step just looking at you also wasbthe first time when his sister was telling him something he instead constantly Stares at you without even responding and just bout to leave takes a step back and instead joins you at the table his sister again asking he had to rush and he instead nods and calls out bhupal to lay a plate for him too....

That first thing with that one smileeee he asks you poli khaati and you just nod asks bhupal to get one for you brings without ghee asks him to bring along and takes your plate adds the ghee and that wait still watching you eat it..... looks for bhindi on table and that was the last portion of it on your plate get off and give it on his plate and that one stare through n through charlie like all that while his sister was speaking to you speaking to him but he was barely responding to any lik all he was doing was making the most of your orsence that day......

That one smile seeing you give the bhindi and in ishara asks you to have the poli and soon as you take the first bite asking again without a word if it was good and just by your expression that one smileeeee that follows!!!!!

It's the way some moments sort of are sealed away within you thus clear even as you write and relive now the waaaay he was just looking at you that day!!!!!!!!

There was that sense of beautiful irony charlie that day he never stared at you that way constantly with his sister around and also him doing that for the first time also did scare you in a way that day.....lil did you kn9w!!!!!!!

SOMETHUNGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Spaces laced with memories!!

 Just like sound and visuals, there's something that beauuutiful bout spaces and corners laced with memories....and specially when you've lived someone to the fullest in that specific space...

That visual of the inside of his house after years and right in the centre of it....the very first time when he takes you there right outside and Chachi tells him over the fonebthat fufu wasbthe re too and it wasn't the right time to bring you along, but him being him it's that thing again charlie, if he really wants to do something nothing no one can stop him from doing so.....that day too you insist chachi over call asks him not to do so but he takes you along you were literally shivering that day enter the house everybody all ladies in daadis room suddenly from all that talk n sound therebwas pindrop silence in the room everybody turns around and looks at both of you and the only two people that were smiling away in that room was daadi and Chachi.....

And he gets that nervous finally and shaky voice but smiling awaaaay that wide smile ofbhis says Soni ki friend hai.....and just asks you to come along upstairs with him....daaadi still looking at you smiling away asks you to come to her but he insists you come along with him....in ishaara tell daadi you'll come back again and go with him....

Him chuckling awaaay that adorably tells you everybody in that room knows you are withme now....and you are confused asking him even after him telling em bout Sonis fri3nd and him still smiiiiiuiling away thatvone happy smile of his they've never seen me bring home any girl before didn't you see their faces.....

As much as shit scared you were he was just that happy where you keep telling him you should be sitting downstairs insyeadband he tells you one more second downstairs and theyall will sit around you and get it out of you....

To the other moments of living thatbadooooorablneess of his sliding down from the stairs instead of taking the stairs asbyou live him sitting over the dining area.....

To those moemnts of lvijgn him missing him away in his presence across the table over lunches and dinners at his place....to him smiliiiing away that big smile sitting across the table on Holi just with that constant stare over your neck like his eyes were glued onto your neck throughout the lunch and you leave the food and get off to take a look as he in ishara even mentions bout taking your hair in the front with thatvone smileeeee.....

It was the darkest tone of his color of love over you!!!!!

Biggest and darkest and that one rush soon as you see it no wonder it was making him that happy away and HOW!!!!!

SOMETHJNGS again you write and relive!!!!!!

To live Him...!

 The soundbof his voice to the video to just the simple realisation HE IS IN HYDERABAD!!!!!!!

Like in your head logic should've been more like ya so he has been all these years too but the waaaaay feeeeling him away last night to this morning's dream him asking you to turn around and see like he was right ther3 all that while when you were searching for him.....which you mostly do 99.99999 percent of your life now.....like that's become your way of life now!!!!!!

Something's nai charlie you just gottaaa feeeeeeel it away swaaay awaaaaay to the waaay something makes you feel without questioning the reality and ruining it away.....cause there's a reason why we are made to feel things to live things and to just live them without questioning the whys of it...

Today the waaaay that whole vibe of the dream of his closeness of him making you realise he was right there that beauuuutifully fell insync with that realisation of him in Hyderabad made you feel was something else to just visually live him live the almost same vibe of the late night drive was like giving a visual to what and how you felt away just the night before...

The mind today at work this face today at work just wasn't straight.....the dye wala gets the color wrong and wastes away 35 metres of fabric and manager talkingnto the dye wala tells you the same hoping you would instead sort it out but this face today this beauuuuutifully him high and you just instead mention to recolor it again and back to your face.....like the smile just wouldn't go today to the same comment from the staff at workshop too Aaj mam bhot khush dikhre cause the smile was that bad glued on your face.....just that one ting of  a realisation HE IS IN HYDERABAD!!!!!!!

to much later througbthe day manager heads down to the workshop you grab her fone again to relive the moment and thus time it was the biggest memory rush in the recent times.....

Posts q picture of a kitten right in the middle of his house to the back there was his kitchen to the right daadis room to the left the dining table and every corner almost a memory moments relived!!!!!!!!

Even as you write and relive now ayyyyaaaaaa that one place too!!!!!!!

Coincidences...!

 That one longndrive to kulatpali and that vibe lived and missed his presence that badly with!!!!!

Like it made you relive those late night drives back home from opera same empty streets his sound of music playing that rush of him that beauuuutifully high on him statevof mind as you just can't take your eyes and hands off him to just feeeeel him away the waaaay he could sense that rush through you and just that one nod of his as you lay over his shoulder and feeeel his arms away just that one nod and that smileeeee saying am understanding what's happening and that one stare without a smile or word.......SOMETHUNGS again you write and relive this feeeeeeeeeeeeling it suddenly hits you away with!!!!!!!

It was too many feels too much missing as you miss3d him with on that drive .....

This morning since that dream that sound of his voice that stare of his that you could seee through even when that sleepy with eyes barely opem.....

Manager walks in and the first thing you ask the cook to make is Paratha as she loved it at your place and she heads over to the kitchen as expected grab her fone and rush to your room there it was the most loved circle of your life circling away......itvwas a late night drive location tag Hyderabad with his friends him sitting on the backseat for a change......

The vibe of the moment of that video was almost everything you missed and felt him away with late night drive sitting in the backseat Beatles playing rearvuew on the view .......

It's like these lilst of things that bring him along is when you realise how these lilst corners of your life are laced away with him..... THAT much of him!!!!!!

The stares through his rear view with his sister beside him and you at the back right behind him and these lil conversations througbthe reflection and he would suddenly play some track you loved the most and that on3 stare missing you away right ther3 through the reflection......

Again it's all bout the lilst of things charlie in life that can make you happy like nothing else prolly ever can.....

U don't n3ed too many things or biggest itbthungs to be happy it's all in the details, lilst of details of someone just in the way they move talk sound breathe......all in the details!!!!!!!

Chipppy you were missed a lot today and God knows if you only knew how much!!!!!!!

Kabhiii lagyaaaa when this kinda misseeeing hits you away like this if only you scream loud away enough can he hear it can he feel it away!!!!!

This is when you start to blame the beer now!!!!!!it's not you it's the beer!!!

HIM!!!!!!

 It's just the waaaay he gives in the third time instead of playing to the way the kitten brings forward the forehead he instead caresses it away without a sound.....

Just that transition right there stole your heart awaaay like that was complete heart moemnt right there shared between the two...

It's the lilst of things charlie in life that makes you love someone big.....to you it's always been these lilst of things bout him that bring you so soooooo much joy also why you looooooooved living his details away always his lilst of things that used to make you that happy.....his bond adooooorable kid talks with lucky too backnthen your heart right there!!!!!

This morning late night still asleep and you hear his voice that close to your ear asbyou move to and with the sound just that touch of his holding you away like you literally slipped away into his arms andbyou tried to turn towards the sound and the waaaaaaay he just gently holds you awaaay to the morning dream like this has been happening quite often lately.....

Wandering into the woods sometimes to the others around concrete walls or tallest of buildings around like you just wander with his some track playing in the background like aimlessly walking without knowing what you were looking for but always in some corner find him away and that's when you realise all that while you were looking for him...

This morning tree these tallest of overgrown trees around and abive where you could barely see the sky bhi just trees and big leaves all around n over and you try to make your way through and much after that one voice in the world fornyou, kidhar ghoomri re howli turn around and see once.....and you just stand there in that state of Khushi or just shock wndbthe waaaaaaay he slowly whispers saway like pehle Wale moennt mein you hear his voice at a lil distance but that second whips3r of his voice is when you feel his voice his breath over your ear like turn even less than an inch and feel his lips over your ear and calls out again karely the second time around and that one sudden rushhhhhhhhh through you and you dhadaam se turn and wake up with that jhatka!!!!!!

It was just that heightened level of khushiiibTHAT much love for him rushing through you in that very moment and from that moment on that beauuuuutifulky just high on him.....

In the previous dream when you turn and slip you just see a glimpse of his eyes they were sleepy or maybe your eyes were as you barely opened them but even in that one s3cond one his eyes like they pierce away travel through your soul every single time......

Just the waaaàaay he was thaaaaaaaat close to you in that one second of stare.....

Ayyyaaaaaaa some moemnts you recall as you write this feeeeeeeeling ekdummm se it can fill you up with!!!!!!!!!!