sucha fool!

 When you suddenly feel like suchaa fool reading your own dreasm here the moments lived where the ziliom times you fekt he ztill loved you wanted you in his life....all these thungs you'd felt all these years presence or absence the way you feel like sucha fool now!!!!!

Exactly why love is the strangest of feelings what it can do to your mind the things it can make you feel make you dream like all that were fragments of your own mind your own imagination all the thungs you'd felt all this while we're just things that were filing uo for his presence.....

And not some real magic like thung happening cause now you lost all that faith in magic love and the things alike....

The only thing there is is the reality.....it was all your mind all this while all these years all those dreams just you and your mind....

Times wjen you wish you hadn't written out these dreams and momenrs!!!!!!

It's that feeling charlie like you've woken up from a long dream state and it all feels just that ajeeb now......

a new dawn!

 A new dawn this time not looking back again again one of th8se zillion attempts to change yourself.....

To get a hold on yourself on your life!

Cause you were that close to smthing you'd never felt before!

That hope this you the way you feel now the way you've been feeling ever sinxe, you don't deel this way ever again!

This sense of not having your own worth in someone's life is the worst possible feeling ever you jsur donno could never firgure out all these years what did you do how did you harm that bad .......

What did you do so wrong!!!!!!!

words!

 Words and the way on some days they can haunt you!

Weeks back when she said some day you'll find yourself standing all by yourself when the world around has moved on, that's when it'll hurt the most.....

Thing you knew is one thing but when the thing actually happens when you live that thing it's a different thing altogether!

How someone that one someone's presence no matter how lil it maybe can make all that of a difference and then when that image of your reality in your mind is broken all over again it changes everything away.....almost everything including all that you'd believed all this while....

The way this time felt different this very different!!!!!!

Strangely cause may e this time you didn't expect it not even a bit.....cause also thus time was the longest he hadn't blocked you back so you think it'll stay he'll stay.....just like you did back then!!!!

It did really break you change you like it never did before....

Love is a very strange thing charlie, once you live that feeling it just stays with you and then it does things to your mind that you sort of start living it that way thinkng it will always remain the same.....you'll always feel the same but that again is something you either get lucky with or it just doesn't happen...

Kabhi lagta would it better not knowing him at all atleast it wouldn't have been this difficult!!!!!!

Or maybe if you actually were like everybody else not love so much or just change when it's gone just like that! 

If only you were different! Lile everyvody else!

and gone!!!!!!

 The end charlie 

And this time I'm goneeeeeeeooo!!!!!!

There is norbibffcc else in the world no one else in the worldllll that cud causeee this much painnn to u.....like notubgf ellzeee no onee elzee!!!!!

Just the waaaaayyyyy it's feeelinge this time!!!!!!!

Mainn aisaaeee kyaaa karei chalieeea!!!!!

Bas!!!!!

H9 gyaaa!!!!

to just!!!!!

 For the first time in all these years never felt it till this level when you see something again and this time that sudden urge to get off and get away from it all to just leave it all and go away or to not want to see live another day......

Smthings u can never get used to and thus time the block again has done more damage than it did ever before !!!!!!

It just hit you the hardest this time!!!!!

Bas chale jaana......

born with it

 Kabi lagtaaa maloom actually it is true!!!!

Lucky in love yiu just gitaa be born with it....bas waisich ho jaana rehna tabich hota.....

Nai tho this happens!!!!!

Lile need to be sooooooo lucky that it stays and not jsyt for a time but stays ...

Like so99o lucky!!!!!!!

Utaaaaa luckyyy honaaa Ayyyaaaaa thus mind nowwww his details lilst one with evry blink of an eye now......thatvone window paaar him!!!!!!!

Howwww nowwww!!!!!!

Kitttaaaaaaaaa lucky honaaa nai!!!!!!

How naturak it truly is!!!!

 Ab dimaag betting a lil more high on hum I say.....and this is when you can inky thunk of all hindi aings possible to sing out to him....every bad good dirty hindi song possible is whe. You know mind is now that baaaad high on him akso when the jealousy get awakened I say!!!!!

Been inlne for long and that feeel suuuu majaaani kismat I say whoever that also includes the security be oasses by or that dog or cat he pets away cause when the mind feeeks thus high in misseeeinf him it doesn't see gender breed or position I say.....al it knows all it feeeels is thus misseeeing!!!!!!

That one pic of tankbund he oisted today and those beauuuutiful moments there too.....him jnow8nf you like nobody ever did or will that love f9r trees and you just bend iver a lil and the waaaaaay he wood slow down there move the car closer to the trees just so you could loo under the trees and feel that light thriufb the tree.....the waaaaay he just loved watching you live that moment just be there no words norhubg and just wtahx you live your most loved thing!!!!!!

Everytime full date even after years now you go there and that need to slow down and relive him from that moment cause that was also the day when looking to your side did become your most loved thing as you in that kinent lokking up and then to your side see him living you that beauuuutifully with that one smile ayyyaaaaaaaa that one smile of his bas pakad keeee khaaaaaa jaaanaaaa uskuuuuuu¡!!!!!!! Yummmm bolkeeeee no asking mei khay ya nai bas khaaaa jaaanaaa pakad keeee......

Ayyyaaaaaaaa howleeeeee tum ekdum seeeeee zoooor seeeeee yaaad areeee miyaaaaa!!!!!!!