GVK!!!!!

 To the other day out with mom for bhai jaan movie and it had to be Inox!!!!!!

Something’s again can never get used to like it always feels the way it always DOES!!!!!

These very corners of that one place of him finding him finding versions of him in every corner almost starts with the first visual of Hard Rock Cafe to the parking lot to the security check space close to the elevator was the spot to discover the bird the MOST beauuuuuuuutiful human bird bout to take a flight youd ever witnessed and the waaaaaaay it did become your most loved and waiiiiiiifed for moment soon at some mall!!!!!

To experience that form of the gorgeous human bird!!!!!!

To the washroom space the entire lobby walking towards him with that one face ayyyaaaaaaaaaa standing in that corner and looking on the other side and still wondering how did even manage to be the waaaay manage to alll the things that he is made of!!!!!!!

Every bit of him is LOVE charlie!!!!!

He is practically the walking talking breathing flying version of LOVE definition of it I say!!!!!

The beauty of that day was when he actually stayed for the first time in years!!!!!!!!

It’s always been this way in dreams like you sense him feel his touch or smell him with eyes closed and make sure not to move or he disappears and you wake up……but that day with that THAT AMUCH missing rushing through yuh you open your eyes to live him and the way he was till there leaning over you waiting for you to move and you literally jump over him to hold him away and the way he still was there charlie like even now as you write the waaaaaaay it’s actually making you this happy weirdly donno why just thinking he actually stayed and holds you back hugs you tighter like he was waiting for you to do that!!!!!!!

The entire day there was that different level of apni aapki Khushi like happy for no reason or your own logic n reason only having these beech beech mein inside screams he stayed this morning he stayed didn’t go !!!!!!!

Even writing now reliving that moment ayyyyaaaaaaaaa poooora ka poooota howli bana diyaaa ineeee nai!!!!!

His way of love…!

 Working on pooris was finding another version of him that day finding another version of his love for you!!!!!!

Like all through those few mins that one face of his watching you stayed with you even after all these years like this very moment to shut your eyes and relive that very moment to relive that him from that very moment ayyyaaaaaaaa mera poooora ka poooooooota heart he is I swear!!!!!!

To that moment when he hears his dad was back from work to one after the other coming home and he takes the sheera out saying Shriya banayi Shriya banayi loudly and uncle was about to go up change and stuff and instead come over at the table including the others not because you had cooked but because they could hear and sense that Khushi in his voice as you bring out the pooris and uncle actually mentions about serving him first cause you THAT badly wanted to and wasn’t sure of doing it amidst everybody else and that face charlie that one him I swear even with everybody around the way he just would t take his eyes off you cause he was that happy!!!!

First bite in and that one bigger smile nodding his head as others to start ear the first bit and he actually says it out loud tasty hai nai like literalllllly looking at everybody’s face and saying it like he was making sure they all say it’s nice and they laugh over it and unckle actually says it was nice just a lil more sugar was needed…….

And everybody gets up and he still sits there eating one small bite after the other like he was relishing every morsel as he ate in there are something’s that make you happy charlie and there’s that one thing that makes your heart happy makes your inside happy like every inch every cell in you alive and happy happiest it’s ever been to you it’s always been Him!!!!!!

The sight sound smell taste sense feel presence or absence it’s always been him…!

And HOW!!!!!!

That day to live that side of him to live that version of his love for you was something else…..to know this could be love too this too is Love in the most beauuuuuuuutiful of ways!!!!!!!

Soon done gets a lil Dabba from inside and starts to fill it up and you ask him what he was doing that for and he mentions bout taking it to your place of something you specially cooked for him cause he always knew you had no clue about cooking and yet wanted you to make something for him and that something did become that special to him…

That day making that sheera your mom wiping your face and insisting you leaving it she will finish it and you just didn’t want to cause making that sheera that day was reliving him and his love for you!!!!!!!!

To finally to the temple and you get off and actually go with mom soon there like everytime you see baba the way the zillion complaints jump right out cause baba had always been the only one as kids you ever prayed or believed in…

And then to lose him was like losing that sense of belief in the other most believed aspect of your life Sai baba…..

But that day something just shifted in you charlie like the second you were there that one beautiful calm and you still had the smile on you know that cause there was this one cleaning lady smiling at you as she and the Pantulu ask you to leave the dabba before baba and even add that you cooked for baba you serve baba!!!!!

It was beautiful touch the feet and first thing you see is with him at the Rani Gunj temple soon as he was back from Bangalore!!!!!

Head out sit out while the Aarti goes on and that one beauuuutoful calm something you’d experienced and finally decide to be there every Thursday and to skip non veg n daaru again on Thursdays again!!!!!!

Something’s you donno why you do what you do it’s that one experience charlie that one shift you experience that sort of does it for you to you it was that that whole vibe of that day!!!!!!

It was that sense of being grateful for having found Him in your life, being thankful to baba for Him…!

THE process!!!!!

 Even cooking for 1000 people would’ve been quicker than what it took you to make that sheera that day!!!!!

It was an EXPERIENCE !!!!!!!

Like soon as you step in chachi mentions bout heading out to somewhere like you were on your own kinds cause she had to step to pick himaja or something it was and she calls for the Suji pack from the store and rest you had to find on your own……..

He goes up stairs for something with just you in the kitchen and call up your mom for quick recipe and hang up and he was there as he looks for something around the kitchen and you still surprises you how did that even happen like the first up drawer thing you open had the ghee that you thought would be to the next one for the vessel and the spoons and stuff like you always knew where what would be there and he stands there wondering how you actually did know and manage that like that was the only bit in the entire process that you managed on your own…

From there ro starting to cook it like it just wasn’t cooking no matter how much you stirred it though like it was a few hours or something and daadi comes out asking and he mentions bout you cooking sheera for him and she actually comes over to the kitchen and first thing she tells is how can you make her sweat like this it’s so hot and starts to wipe your face with her saree and asks you to move and she starts to stir it for you saying after how long she was actually doing that and stuff…..talks bout something bout cooking her first meal and stuff and then gets tired and you insist on continuing and he takes daadi back to her room and you back it after a good 3-4 hours finally it was done……all that while last few mins or something him sitting over the counter beside watches you tries to wipe your face with his tee and that one constant chuckle saying isliye thoda practice karo abse I love food samjhe!!!!!!

To the after making Pooris this was easy as you wer used to making paranthas and rotis at home……by then chachi was back the very first thing he mentions to her is maloom daadi help kiye Shriya ku and she was that shocked and comes over to ask you again and you didn’t Know until then that daadi hadn’t been cooking for a very long time now and for her to be in the kitchen just for you was a very big thing!!!!!!

It was beauuuuuuutiful charlie!!!!!!!!

Especially having missed out on that grandparent love thing and that day you missed your mom the most with that lost feel of how to make this cause HE wanted to eat something you made like he specially mentions that anything you can make he wants to eat and sheera poori was the easiet according to him…and for that to daadi come out and help you meant everything with her love for you!!!!!

Like it did surprise or shock chachi that bad!!!!!!!

To making pooris and this time was right beside you sitting over the counter close to the tap watching you belo the pooris with that constant smile on like you could clearly see he wasn’t just smiling but he was that THAT happy the way he was moving his legs slouched a lil and just watching you with that one adooooooooooorable face!!!!!!! And then after a bit shared with you that he used to sit that way exact same ways when his mom used to cook and he loved doing that witb you!!!!!

Something’s nai charlie the waaaaaays he would say something’s and relate to one thing or the other alwaaaays used to make you feel the most loved most luckiest person to be born I say!!!!    

It’s that level of Khushi of anything out of nowhere he would do!!!   

Rewinding back to Thursday

 Last week your mom for some reason wanted to visit this close by Sai baba temple Venky must have mentioned the location details def!!

Cause the only she knows bout was the Rani Gunj one cause of you!!

And that very morning some discussion over the table with the quarter chef now Raghu the daghu about what to make for the Prasad to the temple and you were in the kitchen for chai and you donno what hits you you come out and say I’ll make some sheera…

Still donno charlie kya Kaise cause till then you had actually stopped visiting temples been over 2-3 years now!!

Like never used to pray nothing except for the Raksha thing your mom taught you for before going to bed and the very first person you pray it for has been him!!!!!! Like that was your only prayer bit for the day…but that day you were just very very happy cause of some dream of his like could t stop smiling kinda loving him that morning it was… when living him becomes loving and you skip correcting it cause you love the sound of it……

Sooooo yaaaaaaa and you decide yes will make sheera myself and your mom shocked as ever and you skip the work thing for later that noon that day…..enter the kitchen and a series of questions ye Kaha hai who Kaha hai cause you didn’t know a thing what was where in the kitchen had been years now cooked anythung cause of work!!!!!!

And the way looking for things with your moms constant comments over it you have your own giggles with his music playing to the side……cause the same you when he mentions stepping down the stairs with you at his place stands before the kitchen and looks at you and asks you mere liye kuch baanati something meetha and you to you it sounded the most out of the world thing that very moment the inside you one loud scream isliyeeeeeeee mummy boletho Sunna cooking seekho boletho sunnaaaa and you just nod and ask what he says sheera poori bana that moment very moment charloe you should’ve seen his face ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa that adoooooooooooooorably eyes alllll looooove soaked up his tone of voice adoooooooooorably eat him up kinda kiddish and that THAT much Khushi all over his face with that excitement of you cooking for him and that itself gets you all excited and you head to his kitchen…

Some moments this beauuuuuuuutifullu clear ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaa that one face I swear anyyyyyy day over any biryaani possible sluuuurp bolke!!!!!!!!! 

Some sounds!!!!!!

 Some sounds just like that play it close your eyes and that very second goosebumps cause you found him and HOW!!!!!!!

The very first visual as the track plays him his that one peculiar smile with a lil smirk and the waaaaaaaaaaay it looked that sexy on him!!!!!!!!!!

Some moments like these this very moment these eyes the mind all of you ekdum se just like that transformed I say!!!!!!!

Pure beauty of a magic I say!!!!!!!

Sound of music…

 There’s something bout writing him to a certain sound of music like you try to find a track shut your eyes for a bit take a moment or two soak it all in feel in the vibe and of it syncs with your state of mind like you must find him as you shut your eyes for a bit and if you don’t it doesn’t sync with the writing……and change of another track!!!!

Like it very often happens that one track you play through all your writing cause it synced that well but it’s not necessary when you play it over now feels the same only happens with tracks that you find randomly not his music…

Still can’t the one track things like these experiences like these beautiful nai to think of it now how some sound out of Nowhere literally holds your hand away and helps you find him as you look for him now…!

Slides of Him!!!!!!

 How much is toooo much to miss a single face on the planet for this longest ever!!!!!!!!!

Like you blink through and there are constant slides of him expressions versions of him rushing through you on a constant mode…

Again where you are struggling to write out with no net and power issue evenings to the blog page issues yesterday!!!!!!

It’s this huge heart scream out that you soooooooooo soooooooooooo baaaadly want to and unable to do so!!!!!

And finally get the Internet changed this morning and aaaj you will heart out I say!!!!!!

Workout done pushed through today with the hectic schedule lately work and post work too!!

To this very moment mid workout his monolink track and the waaaaaay it fataaaak se changes the track of the mind and HOW!!!!!!!!!

It’s sudden deeeeel charlie that sort of overlaps you away with the sound…

To the post workout stretch moments ayyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa you bend and you almost see him bend towards you the other way round you move n feel his hands over you it’s all magically weird the way your mind plays him through these moves…….like he is just there with you in every move with wvey move!!!!!!

To this moment when you lay your head down the robo cop visual of his from Skype call pops up the call before you met him at day at his Dd space every single time you recall something or the other from that meet the waaaaaaaaaaaay it app starts to feel on the inside lilst did you know that day lilst idea if only you had that day!!!!!!!

THIS LONG!!!!!!!!  

Even writing now his faces charlie his expressions his smiiiiles through these moves with you you still wonder how’s that even possible even waking state but the waaaaay these moments feeeeel beyond world it’s waaay more than just magic cause magic somehow could be slightest superficial but these moments are beyond that…

SOMETHING ELSE!!!!!!!

Heart mind face insides of you still smiling I say and HOW!!!!!!!!!!!

Howleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee you gorgeoooooys lil big adooooooorably delicious sexy thing how only you were missed I say!!!!!!!!