Zoned!!

 Some days the mind and the mood is in a different time zone only!!

It's been one of those severe doses of nostalgia today like you've suddenly landed back in 2009 and living him away from back then.......like by the end of the day after a whole day of time travel the way this him now almost feels like a stranger except for the dream him...which is the him from today but in dreams with the same love for you still!!

As much as it sounds confusing writing it out it feels waaaaaay more co fusing inside your head especially after the today's dream....

Like the him fr today and the way he despises your presence is like he never loved you only!!

Like it's all in your head kinda vibe!!!!!!!

To the most loved moment where your heart every single time does this lil happy dance the Red Circle around him and soon as you see it in evening it's bout his work with his sister for the studio and when you watch it in some sceme thers your Aditya apartment in the background that clearly visible and that one constant thing everytime with his work, it has his hands on it kinda loooooove and pride that you are filled with every single time...

It's been a half day working day cause too many things to work on and yet with moments like these today this heart of yours zoned to all things him...

Like literally you were walking through 2009 today the mornings with him the evenings with him the late nights with him every lil detail rushing through you to the end of the day when your mom mentions bout if you would be doing your karva chauth this year too as it's on 26th mahashivrayri as it's been hectic and late nights at work and you just nod with a yes.......like ofcourse there's no if or maybe in that!!!!!

U don't even know if he still does over the years but something's nai they make you feel complete in a certain way and you just can't help but want to feel it that way that specific day and also look forward for that feeeeeeeel of him from this day every single year...in the strangest of ways it makes you feel closer to him this one day!!

It's been a weird mix of day with too many him high feels to maxest of lows strangely!!

Some joys!!

 It's still madness I know but some joys of the heart are just beyond reasoning or even you!!

Like it's not even upto you why or how or does make u happy for that moment away even before you live his story....

That one red circle circling away is like one lil dance of joy your heart does every single time......today some work of his sister bit before seeing it that one heart happy dance it does is just pure madness I say!!!!!

Sometimes nai u wish changing things n yourself was as easy for you too as it is for others when u miss him away like this....!

Heart of eyes!!

 Have said it before can scream overa zillionnnnnn trillion godzilliaaaaan times more he is the ultimate HEART of your eyes and life I say!!!!!!!!

There's nothing absolutely in the world no other face place thing in the world that makes your eyes you feeeeeeeel all this away the waaaaaaaaaaaays he does...

Come back home just half an hour back been pretty hectic with late nights and the shoot tomo so much for Bombay you have no clue what's why's hows and yet!!!!!!!

And it's been one constant thing to see the most looooooved circle away knowing it's after long like you are trying various things in terms of holding your mind away but this one thing of living him away just can't I say!!!!!!

And the second you runnnnn for your mom's phone to see him ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaa that beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuty of him in that grey and black striped sexyyyyyyyyyy shirt looking all things delicious away!!!!!!!

To a zillion more memories rush through you as it was his friends rabias birthday from Bangalore days jute is cute...

This thing bout some memories no matter what you do the waaaaaaaaaaaaays they can make you feel away bringing a zillion more moments along is just something else!!!!!!!

To those few hours when you that thaaaaaaat bad wanted to see him the circle and couldn't cause of the block again reliving those few times you just could on WhatsApp and how lucky and howwwwweeeeeee happy that very lil thing also used to make you feel away and how you missed it today when at work and you couldn't !!

His Bangalore trip was to know learn what it was to miss him how it was to love him from a distance this very feeeeeeeel right now as you write and recall those lil lipoments from that trip of his!!!!!!!!!

Standing in the balcony right now looking up with that one question again, WHY!!!!!!!!

Was it too much to ask for!!

This mind right now reliving that deliciousness of him to the sound of his from Bangalore calls!!!!!!!!

Some moments like these I swear I SWEAR!!!!!!!!!!!

Beautiful echo...!

 This beautiful echo of some promises on days like these!!

What come may I swear lately every year on the 14th Feb we are going to be together loving each other more than the previous year...

Some part of it remained a constant for life for you...!

Some days nai it hurts and hits that extra hard nai!!

Moments!!!!!

 Everytime you see yourself in a state like this his words always come along, I’m telling you I have your remote here with me……!

This story of his of whistling woods and too many memories too many conversations of his with his love for that place the way he would talk bout his team and stuff and you were just starting to love listening to somebody regardless of what they were saying it was just that loooooooove pure love for that one sound of voice the variations expressions of their voice the versions of his smile as he shared it away to just living his details away to today you wake up with this deliciousness of him again in the black shirt…

Now when he comes in that shirt ever since the block again there’s this weird lostness like you don’t know what to make of it or it’s just you now kinda logic to it now…….like it’s been weird lately even with the late night work schedules to Sunday work too now and yet there’s that weird calmness soon as you wake up in the morning post his dream…

Like you do this secs of self talk so after all it’s been your mind all this while then!!!!!! And that alone is good enough to make it all weirder and losterrrr for you!!

A working Sunday and just sometime back your mom showing some reel again and you again try to see him and there he was him in that black shirt his style ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa that very second the heart of yours a zillion beats on one single second cause that’s how goegeousylyyyyyyyyyyyyyy delicious he looked him in that shirt lil lil daaaadi and that beauuuuty of him smiling just seeing him that way one huge wave of emotions all at once and HOW!!!!!!!!!!

Not yours to see you’ve been trying to self talk your mind out everytime you wake up with a dream of his…….like in your mind the block this time changed a lot of things away and yet it still all looks the same it’s that level of weirdness in your head now!!!!!!

And then of all days to live a moment of this magic this beautifully insync with your dream it almost felt like he came from Bombay to your dream wearing the same shirt that kind of continuity!!!!!!

Something’s you write and this feeeeel now!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How do youuuuu even!!!!!!!!!

With a face like that one with a HIM like that one!!!!!!!

How do youuuuuuuuuuuu evennnn!!!!!!

Photograph…!

 How many dreams lived how many moments lived and with each one of them making another wish away…with a someday soon kinda logic playing in your head everytime you wake upto him in a black shirt dream…

Cause that’s HOW strongly real he felt in those his words his actions the sound of his voice and him breathing showing telling screaming away his love for you in the same black shirt and then to wake upto a dream of his again on a Sunday same black shirt to sometime back to actually live him in black shirt looking that deliciouslyyyyyyyyyy gorgeous this lil weak heart of yours I swear!!!!!!!

Windows…!

 This LOOVE for windows...!

Tryijg to get an early night for the early morning walk at kbr and as you keep switching sides this one visual now of the lights of the car passing by below against the curtains and the way it brings back your Veera Desai childhood memory of loving this visual like something bout it felt strangely magic like like youknoe stars moving across the curtains...and it always used to amuse you and keep you up for longest hours possible...

Something this beautiful bout windows nai it's like one way of looking at all by still not being there and still be able to and the way it also always take you back to his Versova one......where after a few moments you again try to open it or move and he says you can't and you tell him bhool math mein tujhe gym mein Mili weights section mein woh bhi and he immediately lifts you up and throws you over the couch all this with the most adoooooraaaaaaaboe sound of his chuckle like some moments this strong as you write now and close your eyes you can ALMOST hear his chuckle from that moment!!

Ever since the very start of the day today there's something some scent in the air that feels that familiar to the scent of Bombay and also why youve been deep breathing all day today!!

Since youd decided to take small steps for the brand exposure the first preference is always the client base volume part of it and then selecting the city as per that and as per the order stats your first preference should've been Bangalore instead......but there was that immense need to do it in Bombay for obvious reasons...

Like you know always been a overtly visual person and when he did unblock you you were waiiiiiiiting for his reaction of some status of yours once in Bombay but was short lived again for reasons only two people know him and the oopar department!!

Now you are lost like hiring a bigger team getting more designs ready has been hectic lately working on it full force for the launch but now Bombay?!

It's giving a full lost cause vibe!!

It's not like a day goes by that you suddenly zone out like completely and just wonder why how or what!!

Like even today some staff of maggam brings over a steel stool to place few of his tools on for some reason......as you notic it you just stand there and smile away akele akele.......till the master asks you what it was bout and you head out to the terrace and relive that one adooooooorableness of him!!!!!

His sister takes you to hisbathroom showing you the stool he sits on for shower and jokes bout it and he gets super embarrassed bout it clarifying later that as the water speed was slow he used to sit over it and wait for the bucket to fill up for the shower and you just smile away holding his face in your hands and the waaaaaaaay he chuckled over it asking you sure have a strong visual nai!!

And you actually imagined him sitting waist up ofc sitting on it and you couldn't help but adooooore and relate to that face he made then and to picture him on the stool of his...

To this other kid in the lift yesterday white collared tee and short chaddis and that one feeeeeeeeeeel fataaaaaak se HIM!!!!!!!!!!!! To waiting out for the order at concu and a white g wagon comes over to park the number 2727!!!!

How do you even after having lived looooooved that many versions of someone!!!!!!

Like still be finding him in lilst of yahas and the wahas this often apartfrom the dreams that are on a higher roll only...

Like you've been trying this time but it's like it's in you made a Home inside of you now...

How do you change that or break that!!

Visuals!!!!

 The way it brings back all those mosttttttr LOVED memories of him on a Skype call!! To this particular one from his Versova flat which had this big sheet paper roll right behind him and you jokingly ask him if all those were tissue rolls!!

At work on a work FaceTime with the Pernia pop up team in Bombay and discussing bout how many in total of each they would require with every campaign launch and they mention of bout 6-7 pieces of each design so say there’s a campaign of 6-10 designs they would require in total 700-800 total designs roughly plus we need to have a website mandatory so in total the final launch in Bombay goes to 2-3 months from now…and this has been delayed because of your accident earlier and today when you were still in middle of this conversation somebody from her office plays Tera hone Kaha boon at the back…that very moment the way your mind all of you in that instant flight mode of everything him him looking at you as he drives whilst the song plays like that moment THIS clear even after decades!!

And you get off saying an excuse me urgent call thing and that need to see him tabhi k tabhiiiii and there he was ayyyaaaaaaaaa the most loved circle of your life I say!!!!!

Play it and it was a FaceTime call with ringo that one LUCKIEST fellow I swear him looking his gorgeousssssssssssest self with a daaaaaadi him in daadi your ultimate and ONLY weakness of life I say!!!!

To the blue and white plaid shirt and that combination somehow everytime takes you back on the treadmill watching him look that beauuuuuuutoful for the first time in full clothes!!!!!!

It’s this feeeeeeel you realise the beautiful itch khujli it gives you on the tips of your fingers everytime you see a red and blue striped polo tee the waaaaaaaaay it always takes you back to holding his arm and feeling his skin away beneath the tee as that was that fineeeeeee the fabric of the tee…..

To the same beauuuuuuuuutoful itch on your skin cheeks and lips as and when you live that beauty of him in daaaadi!!!!!

It’s that very instance the way your heart goes ayyyaaaaaayooooooooooooooo this one fellow this one face in the world I say!!!!!!

How much you’ve wished for just that one face for life I say!!!!!

It’s the wqaaaaaaaay it makes you feel on the inside apart from the mush there’s this feeeeeeeeeeel of how you loooooove every detail of his face away in numerous ways possible and not only by the fire ways……it’s almost every way possible just that one face ayyyaaaaa even as you write and relive that moment how lucky how truly lucky did even rjmgo get I say!!!!!

Coming home this smile on you giving up writing slowly but also this inside missing scream after living him away you just had too….

And of all the days today you insist your mom on coming to the studio to decide for the collab with Pernia and this happens…

It’s also when you miss the very reason that him having you on WhatsApp had made you happiest to just being in his inner circle and not just a onlooker living the beauty of him away……

But today’s moment the epic timing of things and the way it makes you feel today heart happiest I say!!!!!

Yo landing to words like these every word with a visual him holding you off the ground oookijg you in the eye as he holds you and pulls you down on the floor back…

Some visuals nai etched forever I say!!

Moments!!!!!

 Said it before can scream overa zillion times more there's no face no other face you would wanna eat away slurp away I say THAN HIS!!!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa kuch bhi karlo kaise tho bhi but this one CONSTANT feel of life I say this is now!!!!!

Moments right now like these now you can't keep a straight face on even on a work facetime right now and had to hang up immediately!!!!!!

Him ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaa in daaaadi is the ultimate form n face n way of love for life I say!!!!!!!

This heart this mind this all state of you right now seeing him in that!!!!!!!!

How hard is it to just fulfil that one wish you've wished away for almost all your life now like how hard is it!!!!!!

The only thing human face place ever HIM!!!!!!!!!

Howyuuuuwish!!!!!!

 Getting dunkkkkkkked like this after longest time possible propyyyyy the best then f ever wverrrrrrr!!!!!!

Some feeeeeeeels like comeoutraaaa you deeeep diveen and hiwwwwwww!!!!!

Anybodyyttyyyytg callllll the do toeeeeeer am a thousanddddddd degeeeeeez in loveeeeee!!!!!

N howwwwwuuuuu wish you couwleeee be anyyyy of his hirosimaaaa or the nagasaaakissss that he loveeeed just sooooo you could squisaaaahhhh huggggg kisssss eat him up awaayaaaaaa throug the pic and for realllll most impotentlyyyy!!!!!!!

This maaaaaakik of some Kent’s just days back wen you see this honeeeey sing video and think like talking bout bimmm only like every word almost is talking bout himmmm and save it up on your storeirs highlights on ig cut to days forward and he posts bout it saying it most fav cut off the foxymentary!!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaeeeeeeeee this misssssssssikissing tonight to this level how yuuuu wish toooooo many things tonight how you could be anything he lovedand not this you that he hated this bad!!!!!!   

Just to beeeeee anythung anybody he loved but this!!!!   

This feeeeeeeeeeeel mixly ironux feeeeel tonight to just missssss him like this tonight!!!!!!!