Sound of music...!

 Working on edits and checking for interior reference and this artist you are loving the vibe of after discovering at true black days back...this one song starts to play this sudden need to shut your eyes and there you are in his Versova house him by your side looking you in the eye and with your hand on his chest where you could almost feel him breathe...

Some sound playing on his laptop just that visual of him looking at you with that feel of him breathing moving gently under the palm of your hand...

Like you are literally breathing him along with every breath that feeeeeeeel of him!!!!!

This has been happening a lot lately this visuals of him in specific places out of nowhere like you look up it's raining this huge gorgeous tree above and he comes along then and there in that very moment it's like that sudden rush of him against your skin out of nowhere!!

And the waaaaaaaaays it makes you feel like right now too this strong feeeeeeeeeeel of him right now too!!!!!!

You are trying this bad and yet moments like these and the waaaaaaaaaaaays they sway you off n away and howeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!

Singaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa hiwonly you are being kissed right right now nowwwwweeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!

Moments!!

 From editing pictures to now when the photographer mentions bout being too caught up with some family thing and you had to find a way out so you dobthese tutorials for 3 days and every bit of it goes off your head...

Finally today in your room alone and all of two feet and rhye playing you sit down for editing this reel and final cut you yourself were shocked caused the one thing you were that sure of was wanting to add your own his music to it...it's a way a thing bout having some of him with every work you do on your own...

It just fills something just makes it all that much more beautifuller for you...it's like sharing it with him like having him in some way...

And the second after a lot of LOTTTTTTT of self doubt post it the same second the model friend calls you up asking if it's the guys work or whose cause she knew about the photographer thing and the second you tell her it's done by you the things she mentions complimening your work it's that one feeeeeeeeeeeeel charlie....

From not knowing what editing meant back then when he was talking bout it to directing every scene move pose theme for the pictures and reels both with this place specially his house of gulmohar vibe from his movie shoot......even that day on shoot like you had one ear plugged in a r rahman music missing HIM away that baaaaadly and the other focus on the shoot and stuff......

It's that feeeeeel that viiiiibe of him in that place surrounded with all his love-in form of gulmohars all around you!!

Like can't write out what and how it made you feel that day through the shoot looking around above sometime in middle of it that vibe of losing yourself to all things him......like you almost could feel his touch over you that shiver for a second or two that strong vibe of him!!

And youd been waiting to get these reels done as you had got it done in a way with glimpses of gulmohar here n there and that feeeeeel of him how it used to make you feel kinda visuals living him away...

Like th whole vibe of it surrounded laced with all things him and himfeels!!

So you finally do it yourself and seeing the final now it just makes you this happy how you wish you could share it with him tell him it's your first edit ever not Pro enough like his but this feeeeeeeel of something's nai is just beyond the way it made you feel inceit was done...

To working on the other one now with same track that you were missing him away with then on the day of the shoot...

Playing it onloop and this rush of him now the more you are listening to it!!

Ayyyaaaaaaaaaa sing miyaaaaaaaaaaaa how only how only you are being missed away!!!!!!!!!!!!

This beauty!!!!!

 This beauty of some nights like these!!!!

Thisbaaaaaadly sleep deprived working on edits and yet it feels like the almost ideal with all him things rushing through you and howeeeeee right right now!!

Waking ups!!!!!

 It's that line between where you wanna be at and where you have to be instead that makes a huge shift!!!!!!

When you wake up from THAT much him again in your most loved black shirt 4th time in a row since last few days with that same level of peak missing you his rush that you feel smell with all of him away and still in that zone and you are slammed with 25-30 work urgency calls and having to make big decisions in a matter of an hour.......

U still donno how to deal with something's sometimes like your mind all of you on the inside still that comfyyyy rushyyyy loved up zone and on the outside having to be strict strong having to take care of things on your own kinda vibe like you just don't get the timing of things sometimes...

Like how am I supposed to deal with this where all of you still is in that himzone feeling most loved wanting to most love him away...

Like how do you even!!!!!!!!

It's like from all the rush blush flush on your skin to straight face conversations!!!!!!!!!!

Like what to what kinda vibe suddenly the day slams you with...

Sing miyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa how only you are being missed away this very moment if you had the slightestestestestest of idea bhi!!!!!!!!!

I swear charlie if he only knew!!

Nights…!

 This love for edit nights it’s like you are completely in this zone of HIM even whilst working…from jazz to his music playing now editing laying on the floor with this wild breeze in the air……it’s suchaaaaa him vibe with everything this beautifully quiet and his music plugged in this feel right now!!!!!!

And this need to see him and there he is after soooooooo long with the red hood on that one level of khushi fataaaak se run to your moms room to get her phone luckily it was on the side table…..and it was bout some next project of his and auyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa this one Khushi can never get used to seeing his name on a project of his…

It’s that one big smile it brings on your face with that one thought again!!!!!!

Can never get used to some feels I swear!!!!!

It’s this state of mind ever since the shoot it was great but that one feeeel of surrounded by just gulmohars the waaaaaaaaaays it did bring back every single moment with him right from day 1!!

It has been one time travel ever since then like even in between the shoot from directing shots and poses your mind kept zoning in and out to evrythung him…

To that moment as you were saying the byes to the team this one new makeup artist you collaborated with comes to you with her hand behind her and then gives you this sunflower saying you are cutest she has ever worked with…

But that one feeeeeeeel to see that sunflower in your hand sunshine HIM!!!!!!!

The fields of sunflowers to that feeeeeeeel of waking upto him!!!!!

Some moments nai bas rest of it all just goes blur it’s like you were holding his face in your hands kinda vibe!!!!!!

Even recalling it now ayyyaaaaaaaaa sing miyaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!

Moments!!!!

 Some.momemts you just donnoooooo don't make any sense what so ever!!!!!

It's been quite a few days now moments dreams on location moments for the next upcoming shoot to just find him in corners like to find a gulmohar house rending you of his picture from his on blue canvas shoot him sitting on the steps of the house of gulmohar.....like back then there was this house in the Galli that had gulmohar surrounded all around.....and just the sight of it used to bring him along and then to actually find him sit at some house set in Bombay that was surrounded bygulmohats was like a moment lived together on different timelines...

Many years after now looking for a location and thus one you see had a house covered in pink and white gulmohar immediately call Arpita and confirm it tabhi k tabhi...

To actually seeing the entire location was surrounded with gulmohars and sunflowers again a visual from your many dreams of his...fields of sunflowers all around and turning to your side to finding him right there beside you with you...

The whole experience of being there at the location was a completely different vibe like you were in the most beautiful state of lostness I say...

To this week last few days se apart from his dreams there is this one contsnqt thing you've been doing......like in sleep you keep saying I miss you I miss you i miss you so so much repeatedly even now mins back when you were working on the shoot prep of cover shot planning going through stuff fall asleep with your head on the table itself......and you actyaplywake up to your own sound of voice saying i miss you I miss you so much and yub wake up cause at one time you just got that loud saying it!!

That it wakes you up!!!!!

Not sure what's this how's this cause something like this has never happened before!!

Like you miss him a lot every single day dream him and stuff get up saying things away to him in sleep and in dreams but this one thing repeatedly for over a week now same thing same way has never happened before!!

When the missing gets waaaaaaaaaaay Outta hand maybe why it makes it way Outta mouth!!

Nonsens nai still this confused sleepy state not sure what's happening !!!!!!

Sounds and visuals I say!!!!!!

Kyaaaaaaaaa tho bhi...!

Becoming!!

 A super sleeeepy start to the day super late!!

And this one visual and realising to become Him...!

His that fav striped shirt to his shoes...

Some moments nai this one zorrrrrrrr ka feeeeeeeel it fataaaak se overloads you away with and howwwweeeeee!!!!!