H H

 A lil too him high tonight a lil too drunk a lil too nostalgia his sound of music flashback loop or n just like that sit here reading comments that sounds like it was a lifetime ago 

N yet how do you still feel all this away n how s ok be sounds the wayyyyyyyys it takes u back to that very moment Ashe plays itin car on way to sangji n that one look that one shift in you like suddenly everything had changed for you ekdum se......for life!!!!!!!

Gear change song playing just like that yourlide took a turn n how nai.......that one that one him I swear charliey

Aisaaaa kaiiisa ekdum se

This big sigh with a smile even as it plays now 

Word full mornings…!

 Just a bit of the full rush of word n text flow this morning!!!!!

When the start of the day feels like this already!!

This beauty of some ironies like these!

Visuals!!!!!!

 Visuals that strongly resemble the vibe of evenings at Opera……

Moments and suddenl flash backs of one of your most fav  spaces like these on a Sunday like this one!!!!!

ironic magic of sound!!!

 More than half sleep on the couch with this track playin on loop mind high on him eyes shut and suddenly these glimpses of him that you haven't even seen him as in person for real but at the inorbit entrance very same place that many memories to the way of water that youd seen there exactly on the day you did the first time with him....very VERY shubodh i mean but this sudden feeeel as you live him at the very entrance the now him talking something to you his voice you can hear him you can see but can't understand what's he trying to say....open your eyes tryin to make sense of the moment cause it definitely wasn't a dream you are quite up n not asleep yet.....

N with that sudden sense of confusion to just seeing him for real charlie is it normal for just the sound of music without any lyrics can make you feel like a fool you've been all these years......all this time away!!!!! Sude yly such a fool hoping waiting maybe this dream maybe this place maybe this moment maybe this sound n you'll find him for real see him for real again!!!!!! N the years went by just like Why would a sound without any words ekdum se make u feel away like this n all this at once......

The game!!!!

 To the day today out to get a few work things done and then back home to lavanya her boyfriend and few of her friends as the boyfriend now moved to the same community as yours and she stayed back there for the game today....the second you step in and settle down and she says the name are Chetan pass me the chips no and your hearrrrrt one look at you looking around and she laughs out saying her name is chaitanya but they call her Chetan and says sorry to you saying I should've told you this before and you were somehow embarrassed with your sudden reaction over the sound of his name and their reaction over it as your mom still standing looking at you and rush out of the room to the balcony.....

It was a beautifully weird and ironical moment charlie how some names you just can't take it to be a regular one.....the way it was that rush ekdum se with that sound of his name cause ever since the morning today waking upto that feeeel of him it just felt beautifully different today as you trying to get back yourself with his music for a bit turn around your mom there and the way she gets surprised as how you were smiling away as she adds the way sound of his name still makes you that happy ......it's this thing suddenly your mind tings away if only you could tell her it's not about the still makes you feel that way it's always been this way all this while...

Somethungs you don't choose in life charlie they choose you...

Today throufb this awesome game of football as the others keep mentioning bout Messi's win being predestined over the history and stuff the way the conversation leads to destiny and fate.....it's always been this charlie it had to be Him...

It's always been Him and had to be Him...!

It's not just your mind or what you go by things with its happening in moments that shpuldnt be that way who even listens to these tracks or how does one moment connect with the other this insync how do you always end up feelin hum his closeness him mqking you feel he is with you when you are sick how does he answr away that sudden doubt your heart feels cause of moment or conversation through the day.....

There are things that still don't make sense like his absence for real when there's that THAT much of love of his still with you in moments like those......

Why it's still just you when there's still that much him that you feeeel away that he makes you feeeel away to be more precise!!!!!!

This mind i tell you form that very moemnt this morning nothing else that one closeness of him that one presence of him even with eyes shut!!!!!!!

Moments!!!!!!!

 To this morning this restless sleep moving changing sides over n over again again when you don't remember when you actually come back to your room from the couch and this one time you were bout to fall off the bed at the edge and thus one pull suddenly to the othe side as you move this one feeeeeeeeel of him with that scent of his over your neck his daaadi to his chin nose and a moment over momentvit was that rushhhhhhhh in him charlie that you could suddenly feeeel over the way he just holds onto you that strong grip with these moments like you lose sense of what's happening is it abdream or happening for real are you sleeping or awake like you don't feeeel a thing else than him it's like beyond that you just don't remember feeling seeing anything just that rushhhhhhhh of him over you in ways again daaaammmmnnnnn!!!!!!!

Something's this neeed to just write out knowing you can't!!!!!!!

It was very very different charlie these are very things you don't recall relive any which way cause you know the after feeels that well like moments like these suddenly make you realise what it was to feel all this away what it was fo feel him that way to live this feeeeels altogether!!!!!!

It's that sudden weird feel it can leave you after sometimes.....and also when you don't wanna feeel the absence that way it's that weird empty feeel thig that you avoid thinking feeling!!!!!

But starngeky this morning felt that real his feeeel his rush his presence everything every bit of those moments felt like he was actually there with you...somethungs you write and ajeeb it feels it was a dream that you know and stil felt that real!!!!

How only nai!!!!!!!!

Moments!!!!

 Some moments nai they just fill you up with something so much ekdum seee like you can't think feeel live beyond that thing!!!!!

That almost an hour at the store was all and more bout that like by the end of the day you could feeel the flu kiclin in but the waaaaay it just made you feeeel away evrything him right form the very start.....

Conversations with him him hinting you away in waaaays to make you realise his love for you back then to these other songs being connected with various times and phases of loving and living him.....

To soon as you are home and there aS some series mom was watching it mentions something bout call card and the waaaay the mind goes back to those late hours of the night when suddenly you would rush down to the phone store to get it recharged just so you couldnt miss out on messaging him or taking his call.....it's that whole era kinda vibe of realising his love loving him and then missing him all this while......it suddenly makes you tealise the difference of the timeline the then and the now kinda vibe.....

Mom applies some hair oil as you fall asleep on her lap as you move she gets off to her room and you wake up for a bit to play his music still on sofa and as you turn this time you feeeeel that fabric change under your head like now as you turn you feel the legs to be leaner the denim feeel under your head snuff around and there he was still eyes shut you get a lil closer to where you could smell him more andbthat one touch of his hand over your forehead can't write out in words charlie what WHAT it made you feeeeeeeel like in that very moment!!!!!!!

The more you write now and relive these moments of his closeness ayyyaaaaaaa this ehaaaart i say!!!!!!!

Howleeeeeeeeeee you beauuuuuuutiful lil big adooooooorable thing how only you were missed abhiiiiii k abiiiiiiii!!!!!!!