Looking for him !!!!!!!!!!!!

that one moment as you finalllly hold him awaaay and make the most of that hug to that same feeeeeeeeeeeeeeling after years now on your back as he lives your presence the saaaaaaaaaame way like he used to !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

smtingsssssssssssssss you dont wannnaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa write and alsoooooooooooooo write bhiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

self tortueeee only i say !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

to that moment when he holds you away and tries to move you  a lil back and you keep going closer to him and him trying o move you a lil away and this one time he zooorse tries to move u a lil peeche and then jataaak se holds your faace agaaaaaaaaaain the same way like he used to..... like you know take ur face in his handss looking into youreye and that feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeling as even in that moment again u try to look around if it was happening for real and in your mind u were loking for any sign of your room like bas kidaaar room dik jaaye so you know he is actually there for real you are actuallly liiving that moetnt with him for real.....

and that one adoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooorable sound of his chuckleeee and the waaaaaaay he says howliii hai tu pooori malooooom and you just nod away saying a yes and that one tear in his eye and the waaaaaay it sjakes you up to just see that tear in his eyes and it shake syou moves you and you wake up !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

that feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeling you wake up with................

goosebumps all over you tat strong smell of his still there and that same love of his for you just for you rushing through all of you.............

the way that moment was to make you feeel his love for  you just for you !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

lke you know making you feeeel all of you feeeeeeeeeeeel like he still loved you and sirf loved you !!!!!!!!!!1

lke that  touch of his the way he was making you look at him instead of looking yaha waha for proof of his presence like he knew you wre looking for smthing that coul make you relate that tit was happenign for real.... and there he was holding you away to make you realize make you live that love f his...... that feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeling f the same exact dream kal aur aaj subah chalrie the after of that same dream was smhign else......

its like you felt his love for real..... his love for you for real after  years........

you donno how what or complete madness it even sounds writing it out now.......

but it just felt nothing but his love for you and that strong......

like you can feel that moment feeeeeel his touch even as you write now......

the way he just held  you the waaaaaay he just was looking at you thsi wriing moments some moments and the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay its making you feeeeeeeel right now again !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The love !!!!!!!!

the dream !!!!!!!

that lost state of mind waking up and not finding him or with that slef complaint mode of why did you even moveee when he was anyway walingupto you to this dream day before o smrhing when you again walk away to that sound of him humming some song it was this time......

and dooor at the distance finally find him still humming awaay as he turns towards you and ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa that feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeling in your heart inside of you all of you to just that sight of him even reliivign the moment nowww................

how that one face just that one face in the owlrd becomes the world for you !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

like nothin no one else just that one face in the world for you just that one him !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

like you know  you know thats where your heart belongs thats exactly where you belong wanna belong !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

that one him !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sooooooooooooooooooo yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa that one moment as he still humms away and starts to walk towards you and you try to hold your best this timeeee like you know make sure not move een a bit and this time he nods awaaaaaaaaaaaay ayyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa nods awaaaaaaaaaaaay with smileeeeeeeeee like he knewwww why exactly you werent moving like again knowing that well and that very same sec he just stops and that one same tone of voice the same sound of same words after years i loveeeee you karely...... and just stops looking at you living your presence this time...... like just stops there and just looks at you and in that moment charlie i sweaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar merkuuuuuuuuuuuuuu kyaaaaaa huaaaaaaaaaaa i still donnoooo like in that sec it felt that strong like it was for real like you look around with him stil saying it again this time as you look around like you were tring to recall the place tring to understand the reality of that moent..... like you know looking for some spot that makes you feel that moment was happening for real and not just a dream like you look around star t to take a few steps around trying to look for somthing some connection that makes you feel it was for real and the waaaaaaaaay that adooooooooooooooooooooooorably he calls you out karelyyy howliiii kya doondri bey...... mei i love you bolaaa terkuuu jawaaab nai detiii howliiiii...... ayaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa that one adoooooooooooooooooorable childkike tone of his voice and that one pullllllllllll in that sound of his and you turn around and runnn to him and this time charlieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee the dream dint break....... like you actaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalllllllllllllllllllyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy managed to reach him hold himm touch him smelll him awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay........

like you literally dive your nose into him holding him like one deeeeeeeeeeep long snifffffffffffff of him to save all of him awaaaaaaaaay in that one sniffffffff in that one touch in that one holding him like you literally grab all ofhim away even reliving it nowwwwwwwwwwwwwww this feeeeeeeeeeeeeeling SOME moments !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

its like that in that one moent you relived the thousand times you held him away for real in real especially in those meets at his other place again back then not knowng when youll see him next....... and like that every hug everytime yu held him was that much more precious that much more neeeeeeeed to hold him save him away in that moment..... make the most of that hug most of that touching him smellling him !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the more you wirt enow thisssssss feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeling now/1111111111111111

whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy liivng the dream relving it through the day a zilion times over dosnt doooooooo what writing it now does every singel time !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

its like you are touching him now as you write this weeeeeeeeeeeeird beutifullllll feeeeeeeeeeling.............................

Dreams !!!!!

this one specifi dream of walking into the woods looking for him to some sound like you hear some sound and walk towards the direction of the sound this one thing did start after the bup to years now and there have been many times when you are just confused or just hurt or just upset or lost this one dream is always there......

and walkign walking you see him standing at a distance as you go closer and he turns dheeere and you just stp there cause that one sight of him that one visual of him finally there standing and just a few steps away holds you awaaay..... with that feeeeeling of finally having found him and you just stay living him as he still looks at you with atht same smileeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee on him......

every single time that one first look at you and the waaaaaaaaaaaaaay that one beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuutiful smile on him like takkkkk bolkeee that very same sec......

but this weeek youve been having the same one 2 3 times when this one time you finally reach that same spo and with that feeeeeeeling rushing through you of having found him finally and the way this t ime he starts to walk towards you with that same face again of his that same expression like knowing what and how him walking towards youw as making you feel knowing exactly how you are feeeling inthat moment with that nod of his and as usual when you couldnt wait any longer you try to run to him instead causeee uneeee dheeere deeere aaara thaaa and whoo ni hotaaa chalrie maybe cos youve waited this long and bas us timepe whooo dheere steps nai smaaj araaa tha an dyou move to run to him and back to the eality.......

that one feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeling soon as youw akeup whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy would you even that !!!!!!!!!!!!!

am telling you chalrie merse saaaaabbbb hotaaaaaaaa eerything you can keep yourself off off like you know have a hold on yourself work wise everday tsuff sab hotaaa like you are completely diffrt person otherwise but this anything to eerthig to do with him and bas that you is diffrnt !!!!!!!!!!

completely diffrnt and even this you nowww in this moemnt as you write your mind herat out this you is ddirnft to the evyday you......

antghig to do with him and the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay it achalnges all of you away and howwwwwwwwww !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

everybit of you HIM and that khushiiiiiiiii of this one dream to just live him to just live those expressions after years cause with year snow maybe thodaaa thodaaa its like the visuals are fading away like you cant recall his face that clear though the day but the waaaaaaaaaay he is just there that clear that adoooooooooooorable same him the sec you shut your eyes......

merkuuu ni malooom charlie kyaaaaaaa hojaaaataaaaaaaa this khushi today last 2 3 days like you are totally letting the reality be away andsticiign to what you are feeeelig.....

like you know allowing yourslf to live this moment of khushiiii cos he made you feeel so !!!!!!!!!!

his touch his smell his presence his every sec of expression his every detail every bit of him to all of him and you are that beautifully gone and how......

like through the day through the jhaduu or the mopping house you play his song out loud sing it away reliving him the sec it goes masoom chehra tera nai bhooool payeeeeeeeee mukuraaaaaa keeee dilkuuu churaaate haiii ayyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa howleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee howleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee howleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee howwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww nowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HIM !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

why how what smthing could never undrtsand !!!!!!!!!!

ever since the start how suddnly he did become this imp this everthing to you ekdummm seeeee !!!!!!!!!!

to years nowwww years of dreams zillion of em and yet when you live some dreams the waaaaaaaaaaay it leaves you ransformed is smthing else !!!!!!!

where its like reality kuu pooora baaju mei rakke all you can feel think live looooooooveeeeeeeeeee is how and what he made you feel like in the dream......

bas that sit khaaalaas !!!!!

rest of it for now is like on one side and all that stays is the him you lived in the dream the moment livd with him what and howwwwwwwwwww he made you feeeel ike in the dream basss thats all that stayss !!!!!!!!!
and the after of dreams like those is aaaaaaaa haaaaaaaaaaaaaaapppppppppppppy you haaapiest you that you just cant hide your smileeee that one face awaaay !!!!!!!!!!

like itttaaaa ki it makes your moom keep looking at you baaar baaar wondering whstup with you butttt naaaaaaaaaaai huaaaaaaaaaaa naaaaaaaaii horaaaaaaaaa charlieeeeeeee moooh baaandich naaai horaaaa itaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa baaaaadaaaaaaa smileeeee atak gayaaaa uneeeeeeeee atkaaaaa diyaaaaaaaaa akeeee !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

itttiiiiiiiiiiiiii khushiiiiiiiiii andaaaaar seeeeeeeeeeee itttiiiiiiiiiiiiii khushiiiiiiiiiiii kyaaaa bolnaaaaaa uttiiiiiiii khushiiii hori !!!!!!!!!!

jab jab uneeeeeeee aiseee ataaaa tab tab its that feeeeeeeeeeeeling that srong feeeeling lik he is atcually telling  you that sapne mei aaakeee as mab as this ousnds but smthing nai you cant help !!!!!!!

its justtttttttt the way it make syou feel !!!!!!!!

that s trong in your stomach wala strong !!!!!!!

same to same dream oopar oopar tw days repeat peee how then !!!!!!!!!

this feeeeeeeeeling whe you feeeeel inside rushing running through you its this beautiful thought how just like that you become someon like you know not stya the you that you were and jst lik that become smeone this beautiful !!!!!!!!!

ayaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa howleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee tummmmmmmmmmmmm bhooooooooooooooot zooooooooooooooooooooooooooorseeeeeeeee cheeeeeeeeek cheeeeeekkeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee yaaaaaaaaad areeeeeeeeee miyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa charlie if only you screaaaaaaaaam yahaaa aur waha ekdummmmm seeee abiiiiiii k abiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii this momnt here right now uskuuuuuuuuuu hilaaaa ke lagnaaa meichhhhhhh yaaad kari bolkeeeeeeeee ayaaaaaaaaaa whyyy dont magics like these happen......

abiiiiiiiii k abiiiiiiiiii lag jaaaaanaaaaaaaaaaaaa............

vodkaaaa was a baaaad deaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Barse sapneeeee.....!

of all the weeks of all the dreams of all the zillin times youve wokenup to him the last weeeek was smthing else !!!!!!!!!!!!!

ike that THAAAT much of him in one pooora ka poooora weeek was smthing else.....

been years now you waking up to him but this week was othing like  youve felt lived dreamed before.....

to the last two days and hayeeeeeeee ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay he did come in the exact dittoo way two days oopar oopar!!!!!

and to that aaaaaaaj thooo daru upgrade banaaaa thaaaaaa thooo aaj vodka with pneapple it was !!!!!

ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa himmmmmmm itellll  you makes your heart makes all you every inch of  you this thissssssss happppy !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

like ekdummm se dadaaaaaaaaaam bokeeeee this one makeovr takes place just a bit of him bhiiii and howwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

howleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee YOU annnooyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyying lillllllll adoooooooooooooooorable big beautiful thing on this planet how onlyyyyyyyyyy you were missed hwwwwwwwwwwww onlyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

againnn this moment here nowwwwwwwwww howwwwwwww onlyyyyyyyy you were missed !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!