Days!!

 Some dates on the calendar and thus very feeeeeeling!!!!!!

Guru Purnima back then 31st whow it's been 10 years today!!!!!!

Counting dates and years reliving memories away...!

Since you last saw him for real lived him for real breathed him for real touched kissed him for real!!!!!!

To having lived that feeeeeel of his presence in entirety for real or having felt the feeeeeeling called love for real...

From can't go a day without living you to this...

This one ironically funny sudden realisation as you are noting down dates and details from conversation of different production houses for the shoot and the second you write down 31st July that feeeeeeel of 2015 again to realising that's how long too been kissed touched felt like to think of it now that long!!!!! If you even remember how to!!!!!

Be it last nite as the date changes to this morning of waking upto him to the day throughout when you realise after calls fr Bombay that it's ten times cheaper to shoot in Bombay than in Hyderabad to the very words of location around your most LOOOOOOVED Versova to this very moment now as you write down the date....

What to what only nai!!!!!

Like always this one feeeeeeel lil did you know then in that moment of laying on the floor living his beauuuuuuuty away as he holds you up and off the floor closer to him that moemnt there!!!!!!

Till today!!!!!!

LILLLLLLLLL did you know then!!!!!!!!!!

Visuals!!!!

 It's been a packed schedule recently and there are these lil moments of pure joy and missing peaks level through the day start of the day by living that beauuuuuuuty of him away one big slurp every morning soon as you see him.....to these lilst moments ones through the day to today when it's been a working half Sunday to turning into a Youday yet again........

The heart of your eyes and life when you live the almost kid version of him all over again after years!!!!!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa how much you adoooooooored that version of his!!!!!!!

This one Rakhi pic with his sister and that expression that face that one smile of his your absolute absolute heart I swear charlie!!

To the other memory rush him just having left for Bangalore in his sister's room crying missing him away already and you end up speaking out your missing away to her prolly for the first time... Like how much you loved him and stuff kinda talk so much so that you tell her how you wish you were another sister of his just so you could stay with him and live him for longer...

To that the way she adds being a sister wouldn't keep you forever with him the way being his love and something would instead...

And she hugs you and that's when for first time you tell her out out that you really loved him...

Some visuals nai it's the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay they leave you with this sudden shift sudden something rushing through you.......like you can't get over the waaaaaaaaaay he looks with that expression and smile on him...

It's one of those khaaaaa jaaanaaa kinda expression on him...!

How adooooooooorable I swear!!!!!!!!

To living him away like this after the longest time where back then it was an everyday thing...

Sometimes nai it feels like it was one big most beautifullest just dream you'd lived in your life...

Heart of your life!!!!!

 That one face that ONE human becoming the heart HEART of your life pooora ka poooooooora heart of you life!!!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa sing miyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa your heart there on his face!!!!!!!!!

This very moment to live him away on a sundaay!!!!!!!!

This heart right right NOWWWWEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!

Waking up!!!!

 Waking upto this face of your life and heart Isweaaaaar!!!!!

When you feeeeeeel this beauuuuutoful hand itch to just feeeeeeel his face and daaaaadi awayyyyy!!!!!!

From a himcoming like that one this morning to a himcoming like this one and you just don't want to get off ajust stay like this and live this beauuuuuuuuuuuuty of him awayyyyy!!!!!!

Ayyyaaaaayyyyoooooooo this heart of yours right now!!!!!!

Singaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa how only you are being maaaaaaaaaaaadddddiiiiily missed away if you only knew!!!!!!!!!!

Visual story!!

 It’s also why you could t be a book person really cause there’s that beauty of living stories with visuals sound sand feels!!!!!!

Also why you loooooooove these lilst moemnt of him that you come across your day throughout the day somebody passing some place some number plate some board some sound some memory rush it’s this beauuuuuty of visuals……

To this movie day before and the waaaay it had these moments after the other that you felt that strong connection with like it was reliving him from back then white shirt stripe shirt Geetanjali though the story not much for it’s these lil things that felt like sitting and reliving him from back then……

To this moment the day at the traffic seeing just his daadi and lip in a random moment to this moment at work you still were busy listing out fabrics for the upcoming collection with pen and paper and this sudden strong need to live him that very moment and there he was agyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa……you the happuesssssst that very moemnt when the staff asks you kya hua madam ekdum se your face is glowing with that smile…..

And you just had to get away and you head out for a drive ofc with the driver with his music playing……

That stare of his the waaaaaaaaay it bright back the same moment from the lift same visual almost from the lift close your eyes relive that moment the way the lift slowly coming up where on the call he did mention bout tere liye surprise hai I want to see your reaction and the second the lift starts to come up that feeeeeeeeeeeeel like seconds back there was that rush before seeing him that restlessness that something unsettling and the second he starts to come up in the lift auyyaaaaaaaaaaaa the waaaaaaaaaaaaay there was this sudden state of almost flight mode like suddenly there was no rush no restlessness sudden calm sudden something shifting in you just him smiliiiiiiing awaaaaaay that smile of his touching his face away and that khauhiii in you as you scream ayyyaaaaaaaa Teri daaaadi!!!!!!

To him first coming out and coming close to you looking you in the eye and then holds you away and off the ground to your steps corner and that feeeeeeeel to just feeel his face his details his daaaaadi away where he actually lets you live his details awaaaay as you first just start to feel touch every detail of his his eyes his nose his forehead his lips his chin his daaaaadi to just going closer and sniffing his daaaadi away feeeelinf his daaadi away with your cheeks and face and the waaaaaay after letting you live him he holds your face away and tells you now my turn and something’s you write!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It’s this picture of his the waaaaaaaaaaay it did bring back your most loooooooooooooooved memory of his daaaadi beauty!!!!!!

To know that’s also something you could looooove this madly a feature a something bout loving someone was new and still geeeels the same the exact same……still this looooove this madness for his daaadi him with his daaadi looking that much more gorgeous!!!!!!!

Ayyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa the only face the ONLY human that brings out this side of you makes you come alive literally in every sence of the word…!

Pure madness!!!!!!

 THIS one night tonight it's when you again n again phirseeee realise wber who you reqk ABSOLUTELY happiness is I say!!!!!!

When just 1 beer gets you so hiiiiighheeeee cause you already beeeeflying highhhhhhhd on him I swyyyyy!!!!!

When he beeeee this delicioyslyyyyyyyyyy slurrrrrpyyyyy gorgeoyssssssi saaaaay!!!!!!

This neeeeeedto just feeeeeeel his daaaaadi awaaaaay him with that beauuuuuuuuuuutyeeeeee eof his daaaaadi his lipsssss his eyesssssssayyyyaaaaaaaaaa that one look of his his hqnfsssssssaaaytyaaaaaaa and you just can't stop looking at him denving swaying moving away right now with this viiiibeeeeeeof him!!!!!!!

Singaaaaaaaaaaaaaa looooooveeeeee you allplll over again I saaaaaaybe it that evening in the steps in 2009 seeing the dqqqaqadi for the first time or be it today when you missed him like that the mostttttest to see him like that ayyyaaaaaathid heqrttttt of yours!!!!!!!!!

This mind this him highddddddd happpppppeeeeeeyyyyy you!!!!!

Like you are lkterallllly flying right nowwwwwwweeee just with these beats looking him right now it's like he is right across the table some moments and this suddenyearbing away!!!!!!!!

Your hwaaaaaarrt poooora ka poooooora on his face right there!!!!!!

Luckyyyyyyy I swear to live that look live that momnt of his  his!!!!!!!

This day todqaaaaay saving away tgisssss highhhhhhhd saving awayyyyy this flight mode you are on this highhhhhh on him!!!!!!!!!

 

Howeeeee!!!!!

 How do you even describe this very state of mind right now!!!!!!

Twinning waaaaaay with happiness!!!!!

To see him with his gorgeousness of daaaaaaadi ayyyaaaaaaaaaa there's no other state of loooooove thanthis possibly ever!!!!!!!!

Where everything inside of you is dancing away and your face ultra level of blushing away I say!!!!!!!

Another longest day at work but the happiest you've been in the recent times cause he came running literally in all his glory and gorgeousnesssssssssssnest of his daaaaaaadi!!!!!!!

Ayyyyaaaaaaaaaaa thaaaaaaato onebeaiuuuuty of your life I swear!!!!!!

To I black and you in black too just walked home and this face can't hide won't hide!!!!!!!!!

Happpppppy andhoweeeeee also another one of your wishes to twin with him...!

Daaaadi!!!!

 Him in daaaaaaaadi my pooora ka pooooora heart charlie!!!!!

Ayyaaaaaaaaaaaa this state of mind and state of face ever since akele akele smiliiiiing away in traffic right now that you had to pull over the window blind thing ayyaaaa sing miyaaaaaaaaa suchaaaaaaaa beauuuuuuuty in daaaadi I say!!!!!!

I swear!!!!!!!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaaaa!!!!!!

 This heart of yours right now ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa singaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa THIS THISSSSSSSS beauuuuuuuuuty!!!!!!!!!

This heart this mind right now !!!!!

This face right nowwwwwwweeee!!!!!!!!

Singaaaaaaaaaa how only you are being missed away abhiiiii k abhiiiiii!!!!!!!!

Moments!!!!!

 Soooo yaaaaahhhhhh!!!!!!

It’s that very same evening that you live the beauuuuutyvof him in his daaadi the very first time falling drowning in loooove with him in bis daaadi…..to feeeel his daaadi to live the beauty of his lips surrounded by the daadi the way it just surrounded and right there in the middle was his pouty lips…..like you’ve lived him from up close a zillion times by now in the dreams but today you still donno if that car was for real if that was something you actually saw or was just day waking tripping away…

Cause the waaaaaay it felt like actually seeing just that bit of his face for real the daaaadi his very lips for really real today…

After the longest time!!!!!

To right there in that galli mins after watch somebody walking on the side of the street wearing a olive jacket and that feeeeeeeeeel as you ask the driver to slowdown and turn around to see if it was him and nope wasn’t…

Just that feeeeeeeel of back to back moments of him in a matter of few mins with your mind already that beauuuutifully high on him ever since the waking up…those moments that moment of his daadi for real was something else…

Even to think of it now as you relive and write now ayyyaaaaaaaaaa how you looooooooooooved it on him howwwweeeeeeeeee you liveddddd it away!!!!!!

Like from those moments to a hectic day at work it’s like your mind was in a different zone altogether like you kept blanking out at work too…inspite of the planning packing of the order to just make sure it’s completed today even with this schedule on your mind still in a diff zone I swear…

Like there were moments you were just sitting in the reception area of the studio playing carbon based and just reliving that evening away on loop…him coming back from Bangalore…

It was another one of those most magical evenings with him…!

It’s this feeeeeeee every single time like right now when you relive how truly blessed you were for having been loved by him and to have loved Him…

A him like Him who bhi after all!!!!!!!!

Singaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa howwwwwww only you are being missed away today tho!!!!!!

It’s nights like these state of mind like this when you miss him in ways like these do you this strongly feel if he ever does !!!!!!!!

Something’s nai shouldn’t let your mind go there only!!!!!

Nai!!!!!!!!

Moments!!!!!

 Like from that moemnt on the way these initial moments with him were rushing through you……like that one constant smile glued on your face…

To finally heading out for work and this one lane has become your most fav one to miss him away with cause the first time you explore that lane the very first thing to share it with him…

Yes it still happens any music any place any galli any food any shirt the first and only person that rushes through Him…

This one being road no 66 Jubilee Hills on your way to work this one lane in your head has become the him lane wishing to be there with him…..

Wishes I tell you they just wish away!!!!!!

Day dreaming away every single time there…

And this one turn just before the turn some car just speeds by and all you could see was the lips and the beard around and you don’t know what that moment was still no clue you immediately shut your eyes and that very moment of seeing him through the lift door in his olive jacket him with a full grown wild daaaaadi looking his gorgeousssssssssssss best self ever and smiiiiiiling that smile awayyyy!!!!!!

That one first visual of him back from Bangalore to see him that way standing in the lift as it comes up your heart then and there in loooooooooooove maaadly in looooooove all over again with him….

The way he comes out and just watches you lost in him and you couldn’t say a word initially nothing at all you were just living that beauuuuuty of him away even as you write now that one visual this THIS very clear of him…

Even now in this very moment!!!!!!!

Feeeels!!!!

It’s that one turn in sleep in charlie just that one turn one sniff and to just knowwwwwww he is here it’s that sudden transition through you to just knowwwwww he is right there beside you…

That one sound of him that one sound of him breathing that same sound you were that used to listening him just bout to fall asleep and the sound he is used to make to him breathing over the call as he falls asleep ayyyaaa to hear the same ditto sound this way and to then feeel him waking up as he moves around you……just touching just feeeeling away your presence your arms your face your details just feeling them away…..as you try n go closer the way he would still wanna just feeel your away details with that smile on him……This time white shirt and ayyyaaaaaaaaa that one beauuuuuty of him with lil daaaadi and that feeeeeel in your heart the second you see him like that move that way breathe that way making those sounds smile away that way that lil heart of yours…..instead wanting to just kiss hold eat his face away and you can’t just cause of the way he wants to live your details away….

Like you wake up with that THAT much him smiling away and to those calls checking with the doctor for the broken toe and the doctor says you need to check with a dermat first…

Every single time a skin specialist back then a dermat now the very first thing HIMMMM!!!!!!!!

Cause that also was your almost first line of conversation when he mentions about his sister and stuff and you ask him if he knew some skin doctor and he mentions bout the doctor in Karkhana and writes the number on a piece of paper with his email and contact number on it…just in case if you wanted to know the location and stuff!!

Then asks your number instead and starts typing something away on his phone with that adooooooorable smile on him knowing upto something and a text from him it was guess who this is bwaahahahaha kinda something…

It’s this moemnt you write now and this feel as you write now when you live a what was a random moment back then lil did you know nai how that moment will soon be changing your life away…

Changing you away for life nai!!

Some days!!

 There are some days and it's like just made for you kinda vibe right from the very start of the day and it was just perfectttttttt!!!!!!!

Cause it again felt like you literallyyyyyyy just saw him and all you could see was his adooooooooorable pouty lips with his daaaaaaaaaaadi ayyyaaaaa all around!!!

And it's been the longest working day ever as you had to finish a super urgent wedding order and you literally just walked in ghar and the first thing you had to see was your face...

Cause when he rushes through you like THIS it just shows all over your face and yes it did today too......

In the shabbiest oversizest but beautiful chocolate brown shirt your face is like a bulb today lit with the happy glow!!!!!

Him highhhhhhhd!!!!!!!!!

And howweeee!!!!!

Moments!!!!

 Moments like these even in a traffic jam ayyyaaaaaaaaaa this lil heart of yours singaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa how only you are being missed away this moment abhiiii k abhiiii!!!!!!

If he only knew ayyyaaaaaaaaaa this one moemnt!!!!!!!

Sound of him…!

 It’s been this lately with him talking to you in the dreams it’s like you wake up with that much of his voice in your head it’s been this routine lately….to check his ragged thing for that ringo reel of his with him talking…

To the sight of Lamborghinis becoming your favourite as his voice echoes through you gaddo mein nai chalti……

Something’s nai it’s like comfort to your soul like presence to the missing kinda vibe…

It jus does something away that fataaaak se brings back the smile on…

It’s like from that much him from the dream moments back to waking upto to no him and then finding him again kinda vibe…

That sound of his voice ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa apart from the many things you miss him for it’s this one too the sound of his voice…

The versions of his voice and howeeeeeeeeee you grew loving each one of them!!

Something’s you write now and relive the sound of his voice as you write been a lifetime nai!!!!!!!!!

Saying that this weird twisted feel but he just was talking to you this morning too!!!!!!

Kyaaaaaa thooooo bhi!!!!!!!!!!!!

It just feeeels that strong in your gut too like can’t be a dream he is there for real kinda vibe and yet and YETTTTTTTT!!!!!!

Nobody!!

 Every single time any slightest thing to do with his work and the waaaaaaaaaay it fills your heart all up with that much pride!!!!!!!!!

That feeeeeeeel of it has his hands on it to just living his work and for this time for once and first time liking it too cause it had way too many likes so yours wouldn’t get noticed……as the story the person narrating it the THE MUSIC his music on it that perfectly insync with the vibe of the story…to just for the love of glass or lak bangles also being for him…

To this very day today when you decide to take the day a lil slow and head out and notice shreyansh downstairs your neighbours kid standing alone with the ball in his hands and walk upto the kid asking what happened and the kid says kittu didn’t come down yet and that very feeeeeeeeel ayyyyaaaaaaaaaa kittuuuuuuuu……

Drop down your bag and join shreyansh for a lil football thing and after few mins you don’t notice the rock beneath this side of sand and one kick and you hit your toenail over it….bleeds half open and you sit there with that very first feeling and tell shreyansh nobody can replace kittu nai…that kid there nods away still worried wit your toe bleeding…

That one feeeeeeel I swear when the thought strikes you that very second too many versions of him rushing through you right then there……and usually you slightest of pain and you scream but in that very moment it was that one thought charlie ek chui bhi nai nikla mooh se just that one thought nobody can replace Kittu nai…!

Apart from the dreams lately that one thought today out of nowhere stayed with you and howwwweeeeeeee kittuuuu the kittuuuuuuuuu I swear!!!!!!!

No wonder!!

 When you just right now see some guru Purnima post on Instagram and realise yesterday was guru Purnima and this one strong realisation hits you it’s now been officially 10 years now!!!!!

No wonderrrrrr yesterday felt that weirdly weird all day…

10 years now having seen him for real or last seen him back then too it was guru Purnima in 2015 July 31st…

Until and unless it hits you you don’t really realise realise certain things nai…whowww!!!!

10 years since last seen him for real breathed him for real touched him for real kissed him breathed the same air as him for real watched him walk across the room closer to you for real……..

10 long years!!!!!!

Even writing it now over n over again feels waaaaay weirder than the realisation itself!!

No wonderrrrrrrrrrr yesterday felt the waaaaaay it did!!!!!!!

Him!!!!

 One place of him and you come back home with THAT much him!!!!!!!!

It's that sudden feeling yesterday he was right here he was THAT close...to now!!

One amazing movie but the day yesterday just how it became all him........ this mind then this mind now that him!!!!!!!!

It's that sudden realisation of the then and now that hits you out of nowhere and this state of mind you land in ever since...

He was right there charlie just there close to you!!!!!!!!

Mooooood!!!!!

 One lilst glimpse of him in his room of all places!!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaaaaaa how baaaaaadly you longed to see his room again and after all these years ayyyaaaaaa that room of his…

It’s like you go rolling over decade back right there in his room karelllyyyyyy holding you by your waist screaming in that adoooooooorable tone of his voice showing this corner of the room that cockroach just flew it had wings now can’t see it anywhere…holding you tightly screaming moving you yaha waha trying to trace the cockroach and all you could feeel think live loooooooove adooooore was that version of him…

And you keep telling him it’s ok it’s not there anymore and him being him that beauuuuuutifully telling you all the possibilities of it coming back in the night to him like that adorably tells you it will find him in the night am telling you karely do something and all you could think of was everytime he said do something do something chummi eat his face up but his sister was just in the next room and his room door was open and him still screaming you couldn’t just couldn’t get your mind straight looking for the cockroach……

THAT many beauuuuuuuutifu versions of him lived in that very same room of his…

Ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa this mind today and it’s a mid week drink away tonight……

At work you see that halo over him and ever since then you just couldn’t help but think of the moemnt entering home and living him away……like that urge to live him and you ofc couldn’t cause mom was home today and you needed her phone for that…..the second you come home take her phone in your room and that feeeeeeeeeeeeeel of living him a side glimpse of his in his room editing and ayyyaaaaaaaaaaa your complete heart HEART right there on him!!!!!!

It’s that feeeeeeeeeling every single time charlie one something to do with him and it’s like your heart right out there living him away even the other day at first n only attempt at pickleball and this one guy in corner white shoes and all you could get your mind to relive was him in his white shoes walking across the gym and you living adoooooring him away from distance…

How do you even put the belts on this lil mad heart of yours!!!!!!!

How do you even put sense to it!!!!!!

Right now mind toooooooooo happppppy him highdddddd and this Norah singing is like leaning over him watching him from upclose smiiiiiiuling that shy high smile of his looking through you like into your soul and across……and all you can feel right now is him breathing his nose that slight twitch as you come close his eyes blinking that adooooorably as he gets conscious knowing you are that lost in him staring away……

Some tracks nai ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa this prettiest thing of your life all you ever loved loooooooooooooved!!!!!!!

Fuzzzzzy state of mind I say right now!!!!!!!!

He is that caramel custard vibe of your life I swear!!!!!!

This mind right in his room feeeeeelinf too many things away living toooooo many waaaaayyyyy too many versions of him away and this wish right now as the mind gets this beautifully slow and hiiiiigh super higjhhhhhh on him he better comes tonight too!!!!!!!

Black I say!!!!!!!

Sing miyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa if you only if ONLYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!

Like your face just changes just changes just like that one lil glimpse of him and it just changes!!!!!!!!

Always!!!!!!!!

Visual of loooove!!

 When even just the side profile fills you up with THIS much missing singaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!

HEARTTTTTTT of your life I say!!!!!!

Waking up!!

 Every single time he comes like this in black!!!!!!

This heart of yours ever since the waking up you just donno how to what to how only to I swear!!!!!!!

This mind that THAT him ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!

The MOSTASTEDLY gorgeous I sayyyy!!!!!!

This close and yet and YETTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!

Ultimate level of loooooooooooove kinda visual to the sound of him breathing...!

How only you are being missed away sing miyaaaaaaaa!!!!!!

If only had the sliiiiiiiightest idea bhi...

To be loved!!

 What level of love someone has to have to open an account today’s times just to follow her to live her details away…

Knowing him and his love level to just know to be loved by him like that!!!!!!!!

What bliss what luckiness I say!!

Some realisations nai it gets all different somehow…just when you realise it realise the fact of it!!

Aaj ka morning realisation just feels different, VERY!!

LOVE!!

 This forever looooove for his hands ayyyaaaaaa a zillion n more moments lived with that beauuuuuty of his hand...even on drives holding your hand as you lay on his lap also sometimes being your ultimate safest and the most loooooved seatbelt with sudden brakes holding your tighter!!

Some visuals nai bring along a zillion more memories and howwwwwweeeeeeeeee!!!!!

Today him petting that cat was all that and more...one lucky pussy I say!!!!!!!

It's that affection that fondness the waaaaays he just pets the cat away...this ever love for animals ayyyaaaaaaa that one big beauuuuutifulky gorgeous lil human I say!!!!!!!

This hugeeeee missing u come back home with right now after the longeat day of work...