THE sound…!

 Zillion decibels of sound that you come across every second of your day almost including the buzz of the air in the air and then of all the sounds that falls on the curtain of your ears there’s that one sound and the waaaaaaaaaay it zinggggghhhhh bolke rings throug you!!!!!

Of all the sounds in the world that ONE sound of his voice ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!

This one feeeeeeel every time you play the video soon as you come back home too that nurture care adooooooorableness in the sound of his voice for ringo like always being protective of anybody that he truly loves was also one of those zillion other traits bout him that you absolutely LOOOOOOOVED!!!!!!

The way he is super protective about anything and anybody that he truly absolutely loves u lucky lucky lil ringo I say!!!!!!

How truly absooooolutely lucky I say!!!!!!

That one slight conscious smile on him ayyyyaaaaaaaa how you used to adooooooooore that one expression on him too when you that lost in him driving and the waaaaay he used to make that similar face with that slight smile even with the irritation in his tone that one look on him!!!!!!!!!

Ayyyyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa heart of your life I swear!!!!!

This tired head right now and the waaaaaaay it eases all of you away like suddenly THAT him highd himzoned even without his psy beedi…

Another one of those wishes something’s you write and complete madness still I say to hear this artists commonsaints  tracks living him away for real……it’s a WHOLE viiiiibe right now even without a single sip of your drink down this feeeeeeeeel like you are flying almost just that one look on him that one smile of his atyyaaaaaaaaa the waaaaaays it makes your heart dance away literally !!

Singaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa how only you are being missed away if he only knew I swear charlie!!!!!!

Especially in this phase you are in last few weeks like it’s come full circle finding your new studio space right close to his melting moments ice cream place….

Like one full circle after years lil did you know back then having his strawberry strip ice cream in that very place it will come down to this after years now…!

His smileeeeeee!!!!!!

 Ayyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiyoooooooooo the waaaaaaaaays him smiling puts a smile away on your face right in the middle of packing organising and planning this khushiiiiii seeing him in white after this long!!!!!!!

Ayyyyyaaaaaaaaaaaa this heart right right right now!!!!!!!!

Suchaaaaa mood!!!!!!

 Him suchaaaaaaaaa mood sucbaaaaaa vibe!!!!!

When you wake up with THAT much him this zone of mind it lands you in and with so much going on it’s like your zone of getting lost and finding your actual self back again kinda vibes…

U try to keep yourself as busy and more as possible with work but there’s no denying the waaaaaaaaaaay his presence in dreams like these or moments in music that you find him or places you find him in like the cloud last night as it rained there was this one cloud above you were him tripping away on and with and howwwwweeeee!!!!!!

Like this one artist that feeeeels all of him with the vibe of the sounds common saints but there’s nothing sainty bout the waaaaaaays it makes you miss and feeel him away with the sound…

There’s so much to write so many feels so many moments and yet that feeeeel the more you write the more missing it grows away with and the you it transforms away into how do you even put a control seat belt your mind away!!!!!!

Missing him in waaaaaaaaaaays more than one even with cement in your hair literally amidst all chaos there’s him the ultimate SUNSHINE of your life I say!!!!!!!!

His that one presence that one smile that one feeeeeeeeeeel that one rush from this morning and this mind this you ever since then……..

How do you face a dusty day ahead when there’s this rosy hazy state of mind this himzoned away!!!!!!!!

Like howwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!

Singaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!

If he only ONLYYYYYYYYYYYY knew!!!!!!!!

Sound of music...!

 Working on edits and checking for interior reference and this artist you are loving the vibe of after discovering at true black days back...this one song starts to play this sudden need to shut your eyes and there you are in his Versova house him by your side looking you in the eye and with your hand on his chest where you could almost feel him breathe...

Some sound playing on his laptop just that visual of him looking at you with that feel of him breathing moving gently under the palm of your hand...

Like you are literally breathing him along with every breath that feeeeeeeel of him!!!!!

This has been happening a lot lately this visuals of him in specific places out of nowhere like you look up it's raining this huge gorgeous tree above and he comes along then and there in that very moment it's like that sudden rush of him against your skin out of nowhere!!

And the waaaaaaaaays it makes you feel like right now too this strong feeeeeeeeeeel of him right now too!!!!!!

You are trying this bad and yet moments like these and the waaaaaaaaaaaays they sway you off n away and howeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!

Singaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa hiwonly you are being kissed right right now nowwwwweeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!

Moments!!

 From editing pictures to now when the photographer mentions bout being too caught up with some family thing and you had to find a way out so you dobthese tutorials for 3 days and every bit of it goes off your head...

Finally today in your room alone and all of two feet and rhye playing you sit down for editing this reel and final cut you yourself were shocked caused the one thing you were that sure of was wanting to add your own his music to it...it's a way a thing bout having some of him with every work you do on your own...

It just fills something just makes it all that much more beautifuller for you...it's like sharing it with him like having him in some way...

And the second after a lot of LOTTTTTTT of self doubt post it the same second the model friend calls you up asking if it's the guys work or whose cause she knew about the photographer thing and the second you tell her it's done by you the things she mentions complimening your work it's that one feeeeeeeeeeeeel charlie....

From not knowing what editing meant back then when he was talking bout it to directing every scene move pose theme for the pictures and reels both with this place specially his house of gulmohar vibe from his movie shoot......even that day on shoot like you had one ear plugged in a r rahman music missing HIM away that baaaaadly and the other focus on the shoot and stuff......

It's that feeeeeel that viiiiibe of him in that place surrounded with all his love-in form of gulmohars all around you!!

Like can't write out what and how it made you feel that day through the shoot looking around above sometime in middle of it that vibe of losing yourself to all things him......like you almost could feel his touch over you that shiver for a second or two that strong vibe of him!!

And youd been waiting to get these reels done as you had got it done in a way with glimpses of gulmohar here n there and that feeeeeel of him how it used to make you feel kinda visuals living him away...

Like th whole vibe of it surrounded laced with all things him and himfeels!!

So you finally do it yourself and seeing the final now it just makes you this happy how you wish you could share it with him tell him it's your first edit ever not Pro enough like his but this feeeeeeeel of something's nai is just beyond the way it made you feel inceit was done...

To working on the other one now with same track that you were missing him away with then on the day of the shoot...

Playing it onloop and this rush of him now the more you are listening to it!!

Ayyyaaaaaaaaaa sing miyaaaaaaaaaaaa how only how only you are being missed away!!!!!!!!!!!!

This beauty!!!!!

 This beauty of some nights like these!!!!

Thisbaaaaaadly sleep deprived working on edits and yet it feels like the almost ideal with all him things rushing through you and howeeeeee right right now!!

Waking ups!!!!!

 It's that line between where you wanna be at and where you have to be instead that makes a huge shift!!!!!!

When you wake up from THAT much him again in your most loved black shirt 4th time in a row since last few days with that same level of peak missing you his rush that you feel smell with all of him away and still in that zone and you are slammed with 25-30 work urgency calls and having to make big decisions in a matter of an hour.......

U still donno how to deal with something's sometimes like your mind all of you on the inside still that comfyyyy rushyyyy loved up zone and on the outside having to be strict strong having to take care of things on your own kinda vibe like you just don't get the timing of things sometimes...

Like how am I supposed to deal with this where all of you still is in that himzone feeling most loved wanting to most love him away...

Like how do you even!!!!!!!!

It's like from all the rush blush flush on your skin to straight face conversations!!!!!!!!!!

Like what to what kinda vibe suddenly the day slams you with...

Sing miyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa how only you are being missed away this very moment if you had the slightestestestestest of idea bhi!!!!!!!!!

I swear charlie if he only knew!!

Nights…!

 This love for edit nights it’s like you are completely in this zone of HIM even whilst working…from jazz to his music playing now editing laying on the floor with this wild breeze in the air……it’s suchaaaaa him vibe with everything this beautifully quiet and his music plugged in this feel right now!!!!!!

And this need to see him and there he is after soooooooo long with the red hood on that one level of khushi fataaaak se run to your moms room to get her phone luckily it was on the side table…..and it was bout some next project of his and auyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa this one Khushi can never get used to seeing his name on a project of his…

It’s that one big smile it brings on your face with that one thought again!!!!!!

Can never get used to some feels I swear!!!!!

It’s this state of mind ever since the shoot it was great but that one feeeel of surrounded by just gulmohars the waaaaaaaaaays it did bring back every single moment with him right from day 1!!

It has been one time travel ever since then like even in between the shoot from directing shots and poses your mind kept zoning in and out to evrythung him…

To that moment as you were saying the byes to the team this one new makeup artist you collaborated with comes to you with her hand behind her and then gives you this sunflower saying you are cutest she has ever worked with…

But that one feeeeeeeel to see that sunflower in your hand sunshine HIM!!!!!!!

The fields of sunflowers to that feeeeeeeel of waking upto him!!!!!

Some moments nai bas rest of it all just goes blur it’s like you were holding his face in your hands kinda vibe!!!!!!

Even recalling it now ayyyaaaaaaaaa sing miyaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!

Moments!!!!

 Some.momemts you just donnoooooo don't make any sense what so ever!!!!!

It's been quite a few days now moments dreams on location moments for the next upcoming shoot to just find him in corners like to find a gulmohar house rending you of his picture from his on blue canvas shoot him sitting on the steps of the house of gulmohar.....like back then there was this house in the Galli that had gulmohar surrounded all around.....and just the sight of it used to bring him along and then to actually find him sit at some house set in Bombay that was surrounded bygulmohats was like a moment lived together on different timelines...

Many years after now looking for a location and thus one you see had a house covered in pink and white gulmohar immediately call Arpita and confirm it tabhi k tabhi...

To actually seeing the entire location was surrounded with gulmohars and sunflowers again a visual from your many dreams of his...fields of sunflowers all around and turning to your side to finding him right there beside you with you...

The whole experience of being there at the location was a completely different vibe like you were in the most beautiful state of lostness I say...

To this week last few days se apart from his dreams there is this one contsnqt thing you've been doing......like in sleep you keep saying I miss you I miss you i miss you so so much repeatedly even now mins back when you were working on the shoot prep of cover shot planning going through stuff fall asleep with your head on the table itself......and you actyaplywake up to your own sound of voice saying i miss you I miss you so much and yub wake up cause at one time you just got that loud saying it!!

That it wakes you up!!!!!

Not sure what's this how's this cause something like this has never happened before!!

Like you miss him a lot every single day dream him and stuff get up saying things away to him in sleep and in dreams but this one thing repeatedly for over a week now same thing same way has never happened before!!

When the missing gets waaaaaaaaaaay Outta hand maybe why it makes it way Outta mouth!!

Nonsens nai still this confused sleepy state not sure what's happening !!!!!!

Sounds and visuals I say!!!!!!

Kyaaaaaaaaa tho bhi...!

Becoming!!

 A super sleeeepy start to the day super late!!

And this one visual and realising to become Him...!

His that fav striped shirt to his shoes...

Some moments nai this one zorrrrrrrr ka feeeeeeeel it fataaaak se overloads you away with and howwwweeeeee!!!!!

HimRush!!!!!!!

 This one trip of him ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaa this rush of him when it turns a usual sunday to an eventful one and now the post sunday too!!!!!

Like right from his dream to day through to that one moment visuals charlie all and more bout him!!!!!!!

Meeting a friend in the evening for coffee to talk bout the next shoot and deciding things and as she talks this one guy behind does the smoke ring thing and off they go in the air one after the other......

Everything else goes blur her face her sound the people around the place around your eyes Trippin on those smoke rings and his face from Skype doing the same thing and then waiting and watching your reaction over it....you get so excited as you'd seen it for the first time ever and he nods over that adoooooooooorably chuckling over your reaction........ask him to do again and nods again that adorably maloom tera and right before doing it again thswaaaaaaaaaaaaaay he stops looks you in the eye that deeeeep and then starts to do it again...

Like you didn't know something like that existed from hating the smell of cigarettes earlier to the smell of cigarettes now all HIM to you till date like as and when you smell it it's like HIS scent to you now...the waaaaaaaay it brings all those visuals of him smoking that sexiiiiiily away it's like suddenly he is suchaaaaa mood suchaa vibe........like you just want to live him when in that zone.......his eyes his smile hits different his facial expressions to the way his body moved when taking that puff away it was all just that different and moody and howwwwweeeeeee you looooooooved living his details away....

It used to give you that different kinda high like losing yourself in his zone kinda thing!!

Yesterday too those smoke rings that beauuuuutifulky bring him along cause these lights ay the new coffee place were those orangy street lights kinda tone vibe again like the complete place dark brown tone with that light to in between living those rings and feeeeeeeeling that rush of him through you it's that HIMzone it lands you in...till she screams your name out asking if you were listening anything at all that's when you come back to your senses and the guy smiles and asks if you wanted to take a hit and you realise how long you were staring away!! Get off fataak se and usual phoje excuse and gonto your car and play his music and just be there for a second...

This always happens it's only after do you realise how it tooooootally absorbed you away like losing the compete state of reality like there's no sense of reality thatlost you were in that moment of Him...

Tell her you had to rush back home for some work urgently and instead ask the driver to take your fav shoe factory galli and just take a round and that rush of him playing Lucky Ali away.......

Some moments nai bring it all back and howwwwweeeeeee!!!!!!

To coming home watching this robot movie electric something and the mind still in that zone.......when two feet strangely the sound of guitar strings just calms and all creates that storm inside of you almost bringing visual of his two feet along from Goa...

It's like that one music every sound has become his msuic now with the stamp of his two feet literally over them...!

To this waking up today ayyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa him in black shirt in THAT black shirt to feeeeeeeel him this way again like never before to touch feel taste live him this waaaaaay the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay he just moved differently in a black shirt every single time!!!! N

It's like it awakens the side of you lights that fire that's almost numb otherwise without him...

It's that spark that sudden fire that feel through you like you LOVE it and also struggle to tame it down to face the actual reality side of the day ahead........

Cause this is different when it hits you like THIS!!!!!!

Even now as y9u write this shhver of the hands as you feel the rush again reliving the visuals of this morning the him from thismoe Ning!!!!!!!

To actually living him away on WhatsApp THAT one face in the world for you I swear!!!!!!!!!!

Singaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa how only why only!!!!!!!!

Versovaa!!

 Some words and this sudden LOUD RUSH of feeeeeels gushes through all of you!!!!!!

Like you are that still on the outside but on the inside what's happening how's it happening is something that you alone know and can feel!!

If you could go anywhere in the world where would you go!!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa this one zooooooor ka feeeeeeeel it comes along with in that very instance...!

Some words I swear!!!!!!!

The very sound of it and all you could think of was Versova!!!!!!!

Another one of his most LOOOOOOOOOVED places of your life!!

Moments!!

 Amidst serious discussion and planning and you looking out notice the gulmohars in full bloom and the waaaaaay that visual takes you immediately off n away to the moment with him plucking them for you outside the Sanghi temple…

Like he had parked the car a lil ahead and he goes behind the car area to pluck it and you turn around looking out of the window living that visual away the waaaaaay he that adooooorably selects the best one out of the lot…like not plucking just any out of them but choosing the best one out of the lot!!

And that visual right right now out of nowhere there are some moments that precious to you even in that moment living him away it’s that feeeeeeeel of living some visual that precious the most important one out of all lived yet……be it then be it now years after still feels that special the way it brings the widest possible smile on your face right now!!!!!!

That beauuuuuuuuty of living him away ayyyaaaaaaa those were the days!!!!!!! 

That time TIME of your life!!!!!!!!!!

THE TIME of your life!!!!!!!!

Some days!!!!

 When you've been feeling this way all day even now just a drink down working on work marketing list thing and the waaaaaay the mind keeps drifting off and away to everything him and HOWWWWWE!!!!!!!

When you live such moments it's this realisation over again how that one face in the world no matter the distance how long it's been whatevrr it maybe the waaaaaay it can make you this happy away is beyond logics and reasons!!

Like all day today that one picture of his had this wide smile on you and you couldn't help it then can't help it now u give up writing and here it's brings you back cause you this baaaaad want to write out this feeeeeeeel this rush of happiness right now!!!!!! Like always it just shows on you not just for you alone to see and feel but others notice it that evidently on your face the smile the face the glow hits different!!!!!!!

Cause you can't share it out say it out any other way!!!!!!

That one face ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa it's like all coming back rushing back his details the sound of his smile sound of his voice his every detail through the picture coming back and howeeeeee!!!!!!

How truly absolutely lucky you gotta be for loving living and being loved by someone that way...

And living him every single time gves you these feeeels like just make you THIS happy!!!!!!

To live him charlie ibswear his details everything to anything bout him hayeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!

Walking talking breathijg moving form of LOVE just LOOOOOOVE that beauty of a human I say!!!!!!!

From a Holi full of day with allllllllll of him from that day to actually living that beauuuuuuuuuty of him the very next day...ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa such gorgeousness I sayyyy!!!!!!!

Singaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa even right now if you onlyyyyyyyy knew how are you being missed away!!!!!!!! Savjngt this THIS happy you away cause the picture the window the chilllllll gorgeous viiiiibe of him and something just bout it has made you happppppy this happppppy and you don't even know how the whats!!!!!

Daaaadi!!!!!

 HIS daaaadi is where your complete heart is ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa how do you even with your day with a straight face on when THIS inside of you is vibe this feeeeeeeeeeeeel this rushhhhmaxest possible ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa suchaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa gorgeous human I swear!!!!!!!!!

Singaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahow only you are being missed if onkyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy u knewhad the slightestttttttttidea I sayyyy!!!!!!!!!!

Menu Ishq tera peewee dooooooooobaaaaaaaaaaaaaa dooobuk dooooobuk I say!!!!!!!!!

Charlie kaisaaaaaaaaaa thooooo bhi kyaaaaaaa thooooo bhiiiiiiii howwwwweeeeeee thooooo bhiiiii whyyyyyyy thooooo bhi!!!!!!!

Hayeeeeee!!!!!!!!

 How craaaazy is toooo much crazzzyyyyyy!!!!!

THAT ONE FACE IN THE WORLD FOR YOU!!!!!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa the waaaaaaaaaaaays anything him brings out everything in you!!!!!!!

Like suddenly you are injected with this BURST of life and everything that makes life living worth it ALIVE rushing in you!!!!!!!! Like the blood in your veins speeding max possible kinda vibe rush through you!!!!!!

To live him hayeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee how you miss it to see him in this new French beard Avatar ayyyaaaaaaaaaa and the way even the side profile of his EVERYTHING delicious!!!!!!!!!

Your absolute morning eat treat slurp treat drool treat I say!!!!!!!!!

Singaaaaaaaaaaas how onlyyyyyyyyyyy you are being missed away I say!!!!!!!!

U see the red halo over him last night and couldnt see it cause your mom had slept with her phone under the pillow and you wait for her to be up so you could live him all night...the second you wake up she was out to temple and you again waiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitfor her to come back calling her more than 9 times away just sooooooooooooooo you could live him away...

And the second you do this feeeeeeeeeeel right now speeeeding through you waaaaays beyond!!!!!!!

Sing miyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa howwwwwwwweeeeeeee like this only hayeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee HIM this you right now!!!!!!!!!!!

Howwwwwwwweeeeeeee onlyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!

Days!!

 Some days on the calendar hit different no matter how long it's been!!

It's like the brain automode functions on flashback setting...

Like it all rushes through you coming to pick you up with his sister then right at the gate of your apartment him standing there and you show him your cheek asking in a way for him to put the color first on you cause you knew his sister would...but you wanted him to first and as his sister goes to the car he immediately rubs his cheek against yours as he had some color on..........

Some moments no matter what this THIS feeeeeeeeeeeeeeel it always fills you up with is...........

How only why only!!

Moments!!!!!

 Some words you are so strong like things to affect you easy and this lil inside talk that starts immmmmeeeediately!!!!!!

Like how lilst thing to do with him has THAT level of impact on you.......like it's been almost 2 months now to this new routine of early mornings and that one second u see his picture visible again that one second for that one second you think he added you back on WhatsApp and in that lil second you suddenlu decide from tomo home workout to dance tracks to the post workout routine of himcomings from tomo like you suddenly switch from KBR early mornings walks to workout just by seeing his picture.......to realising his picture was on public view on WhatsApp not like added you back......so you stick with your routine... to deciding not to write at all to anything him and thus rush to write him out like today his docu won at IIFAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!

Like suchaaaaa BIG thing big win it's been!!!!!!!!

It's this feeeeeeeeeeel of that Red hood over his Insta that instant Khushi it fills you up with first being some very proud moment of his sister's interview to this another being his docu win!!!!!!!!

Like you call for a pastry to just celebrate it something's nai are just beyoooooooooond!!!!!!

Like the affect the strong something he has on you is something you yourself could never figure out!!

Hayeeeeeeee singaaaaaaaaaaas work won!!!!!!!!!!!

Some moments!!

 Like you are still in a general mode he hasn't added you back but still some feeeeeeeels nai just can't help it!!!!!!

To just live him first thing in the mornings to mad rush moment at work now and pause it all and live him ayyyaaaaaaaa some feels can never grow used to!!!!!!!!

His face sound of his voice his details his nods his smiles every lil detail has always been LOOOOOOVE to you!!!!!!

This very moment this feeeeeel right now!!!!!!!!!!

Mornings like these!!

 Just woken up with some call from work n instead get on WhatsApp still in that himzone from dream n the first thing you see is HIM!!!!!!!!!

First initial excitement he is baaaackkkkkkkk!!!!

Next realisation you are still public viewing him n not added you kinda thing!!!!!!

But that one feeeeeel of waking upto to that one face in the world for you ignoring the rest of the facts in this moment PURE BLISS  I say!!!!!!!!

Like u have noooooo idea the mood the zone the state of the mind right now!!!!!!!

Sing miyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa how only!!!!!!!!!!!!

Zoned!!

 Some days the mind and the mood is in a different time zone only!!

It's been one of those severe doses of nostalgia today like you've suddenly landed back in 2009 and living him away from back then.......like by the end of the day after a whole day of time travel the way this him now almost feels like a stranger except for the dream him...which is the him from today but in dreams with the same love for you still!!

As much as it sounds confusing writing it out it feels waaaaaay more co fusing inside your head especially after the today's dream....

Like the him fr today and the way he despises your presence is like he never loved you only!!

Like it's all in your head kinda vibe!!!!!!!

To the most loved moment where your heart every single time does this lil happy dance the Red Circle around him and soon as you see it in evening it's bout his work with his sister for the studio and when you watch it in some sceme thers your Aditya apartment in the background that clearly visible and that one constant thing everytime with his work, it has his hands on it kinda loooooove and pride that you are filled with every single time...

It's been a half day working day cause too many things to work on and yet with moments like these today this heart of yours zoned to all things him...

Like literally you were walking through 2009 today the mornings with him the evenings with him the late nights with him every lil detail rushing through you to the end of the day when your mom mentions bout if you would be doing your karva chauth this year too as it's on 26th mahashivrayri as it's been hectic and late nights at work and you just nod with a yes.......like ofcourse there's no if or maybe in that!!!!!

U don't even know if he still does over the years but something's nai they make you feel complete in a certain way and you just can't help but want to feel it that way that specific day and also look forward for that feeeeeeeel of him from this day every single year...in the strangest of ways it makes you feel closer to him this one day!!

It's been a weird mix of day with too many him high feels to maxest of lows strangely!!

Some joys!!

 It's still madness I know but some joys of the heart are just beyond reasoning or even you!!

Like it's not even upto you why or how or does make u happy for that moment away even before you live his story....

That one red circle circling away is like one lil dance of joy your heart does every single time......today some work of his sister bit before seeing it that one heart happy dance it does is just pure madness I say!!!!!

Sometimes nai u wish changing things n yourself was as easy for you too as it is for others when u miss him away like this....!

Heart of eyes!!

 Have said it before can scream overa zillionnnnnn trillion godzilliaaaaan times more he is the ultimate HEART of your eyes and life I say!!!!!!!!

There's nothing absolutely in the world no other face place thing in the world that makes your eyes you feeeeeeeel all this away the waaaaaaaaaaaays he does...

Come back home just half an hour back been pretty hectic with late nights and the shoot tomo so much for Bombay you have no clue what's why's hows and yet!!!!!!!

And it's been one constant thing to see the most looooooved circle away knowing it's after long like you are trying various things in terms of holding your mind away but this one thing of living him away just can't I say!!!!!!

And the second you runnnnn for your mom's phone to see him ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaa that beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuty of him in that grey and black striped sexyyyyyyyyyy shirt looking all things delicious away!!!!!!!

To a zillion more memories rush through you as it was his friends rabias birthday from Bangalore days jute is cute...

This thing bout some memories no matter what you do the waaaaaaaaaaaaays they can make you feel away bringing a zillion more moments along is just something else!!!!!!!

To those few hours when you that thaaaaaaat bad wanted to see him the circle and couldn't cause of the block again reliving those few times you just could on WhatsApp and how lucky and howwwwweeeeeee happy that very lil thing also used to make you feel away and how you missed it today when at work and you couldn't !!

His Bangalore trip was to know learn what it was to miss him how it was to love him from a distance this very feeeeeeeel right now as you write and recall those lil lipoments from that trip of his!!!!!!!!!

Standing in the balcony right now looking up with that one question again, WHY!!!!!!!!

Was it too much to ask for!!

This mind right now reliving that deliciousness of him to the sound of his from Bangalore calls!!!!!!!!

Some moments like these I swear I SWEAR!!!!!!!!!!!

Beautiful echo...!

 This beautiful echo of some promises on days like these!!

What come may I swear lately every year on the 14th Feb we are going to be together loving each other more than the previous year...

Some part of it remained a constant for life for you...!

Some days nai it hurts and hits that extra hard nai!!

Moments!!!!!

 Everytime you see yourself in a state like this his words always come along, I’m telling you I have your remote here with me……!

This story of his of whistling woods and too many memories too many conversations of his with his love for that place the way he would talk bout his team and stuff and you were just starting to love listening to somebody regardless of what they were saying it was just that loooooooove pure love for that one sound of voice the variations expressions of their voice the versions of his smile as he shared it away to just living his details away to today you wake up with this deliciousness of him again in the black shirt…

Now when he comes in that shirt ever since the block again there’s this weird lostness like you don’t know what to make of it or it’s just you now kinda logic to it now…….like it’s been weird lately even with the late night work schedules to Sunday work too now and yet there’s that weird calmness soon as you wake up in the morning post his dream…

Like you do this secs of self talk so after all it’s been your mind all this while then!!!!!! And that alone is good enough to make it all weirder and losterrrr for you!!

A working Sunday and just sometime back your mom showing some reel again and you again try to see him and there he was him in that black shirt his style ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa that very second the heart of yours a zillion beats on one single second cause that’s how goegeousylyyyyyyyyyyyyyy delicious he looked him in that shirt lil lil daaaadi and that beauuuuty of him smiling just seeing him that way one huge wave of emotions all at once and HOW!!!!!!!!!!

Not yours to see you’ve been trying to self talk your mind out everytime you wake up with a dream of his…….like in your mind the block this time changed a lot of things away and yet it still all looks the same it’s that level of weirdness in your head now!!!!!!

And then of all days to live a moment of this magic this beautifully insync with your dream it almost felt like he came from Bombay to your dream wearing the same shirt that kind of continuity!!!!!!

Something’s you write and this feeeeel now!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How do youuuuu even!!!!!!!!!

With a face like that one with a HIM like that one!!!!!!!

How do youuuuuuuuuuuu evennnn!!!!!!

Photograph…!

 How many dreams lived how many moments lived and with each one of them making another wish away…with a someday soon kinda logic playing in your head everytime you wake upto him in a black shirt dream…

Cause that’s HOW strongly real he felt in those his words his actions the sound of his voice and him breathing showing telling screaming away his love for you in the same black shirt and then to wake upto a dream of his again on a Sunday same black shirt to sometime back to actually live him in black shirt looking that deliciouslyyyyyyyyyy gorgeous this lil weak heart of yours I swear!!!!!!!

Windows…!

 This LOOVE for windows...!

Tryijg to get an early night for the early morning walk at kbr and as you keep switching sides this one visual now of the lights of the car passing by below against the curtains and the way it brings back your Veera Desai childhood memory of loving this visual like something bout it felt strangely magic like like youknoe stars moving across the curtains...and it always used to amuse you and keep you up for longest hours possible...

Something this beautiful bout windows nai it's like one way of looking at all by still not being there and still be able to and the way it also always take you back to his Versova one......where after a few moments you again try to open it or move and he says you can't and you tell him bhool math mein tujhe gym mein Mili weights section mein woh bhi and he immediately lifts you up and throws you over the couch all this with the most adoooooraaaaaaaboe sound of his chuckle like some moments this strong as you write now and close your eyes you can ALMOST hear his chuckle from that moment!!

Ever since the very start of the day today there's something some scent in the air that feels that familiar to the scent of Bombay and also why youve been deep breathing all day today!!

Since youd decided to take small steps for the brand exposure the first preference is always the client base volume part of it and then selecting the city as per that and as per the order stats your first preference should've been Bangalore instead......but there was that immense need to do it in Bombay for obvious reasons...

Like you know always been a overtly visual person and when he did unblock you you were waiiiiiiiting for his reaction of some status of yours once in Bombay but was short lived again for reasons only two people know him and the oopar department!!

Now you are lost like hiring a bigger team getting more designs ready has been hectic lately working on it full force for the launch but now Bombay?!

It's giving a full lost cause vibe!!

It's not like a day goes by that you suddenly zone out like completely and just wonder why how or what!!

Like even today some staff of maggam brings over a steel stool to place few of his tools on for some reason......as you notic it you just stand there and smile away akele akele.......till the master asks you what it was bout and you head out to the terrace and relive that one adooooooorableness of him!!!!!

His sister takes you to hisbathroom showing you the stool he sits on for shower and jokes bout it and he gets super embarrassed bout it clarifying later that as the water speed was slow he used to sit over it and wait for the bucket to fill up for the shower and you just smile away holding his face in your hands and the waaaaaaaay he chuckled over it asking you sure have a strong visual nai!!

And you actually imagined him sitting waist up ofc sitting on it and you couldn't help but adooooore and relate to that face he made then and to picture him on the stool of his...

To this other kid in the lift yesterday white collared tee and short chaddis and that one feeeeeeeeeeel fataaaaaak se HIM!!!!!!!!!!!! To waiting out for the order at concu and a white g wagon comes over to park the number 2727!!!!

How do you even after having lived looooooved that many versions of someone!!!!!!

Like still be finding him in lilst of yahas and the wahas this often apartfrom the dreams that are on a higher roll only...

Like you've been trying this time but it's like it's in you made a Home inside of you now...

How do you change that or break that!!

Visuals!!!!

 The way it brings back all those mosttttttr LOVED memories of him on a Skype call!! To this particular one from his Versova flat which had this big sheet paper roll right behind him and you jokingly ask him if all those were tissue rolls!!

At work on a work FaceTime with the Pernia pop up team in Bombay and discussing bout how many in total of each they would require with every campaign launch and they mention of bout 6-7 pieces of each design so say there’s a campaign of 6-10 designs they would require in total 700-800 total designs roughly plus we need to have a website mandatory so in total the final launch in Bombay goes to 2-3 months from now…and this has been delayed because of your accident earlier and today when you were still in middle of this conversation somebody from her office plays Tera hone Kaha boon at the back…that very moment the way your mind all of you in that instant flight mode of everything him him looking at you as he drives whilst the song plays like that moment THIS clear even after decades!!

And you get off saying an excuse me urgent call thing and that need to see him tabhi k tabhiiiii and there he was ayyyaaaaaaaaa the most loved circle of your life I say!!!!!

Play it and it was a FaceTime call with ringo that one LUCKIEST fellow I swear him looking his gorgeousssssssssssest self with a daaaaaadi him in daadi your ultimate and ONLY weakness of life I say!!!!

To the blue and white plaid shirt and that combination somehow everytime takes you back on the treadmill watching him look that beauuuuuuutoful for the first time in full clothes!!!!!!

It’s this feeeeeeel you realise the beautiful itch khujli it gives you on the tips of your fingers everytime you see a red and blue striped polo tee the waaaaaaaaay it always takes you back to holding his arm and feeling his skin away beneath the tee as that was that fineeeeeee the fabric of the tee…..

To the same beauuuuuuuuutoful itch on your skin cheeks and lips as and when you live that beauty of him in daaaadi!!!!!

It’s that very instance the way your heart goes ayyyaaaaaayooooooooooooooo this one fellow this one face in the world I say!!!!!!

How much you’ve wished for just that one face for life I say!!!!!

It’s the wqaaaaaaaay it makes you feel on the inside apart from the mush there’s this feeeeeeeeeeel of how you loooooove every detail of his face away in numerous ways possible and not only by the fire ways……it’s almost every way possible just that one face ayyyaaaaa even as you write and relive that moment how lucky how truly lucky did even rjmgo get I say!!!!!

Coming home this smile on you giving up writing slowly but also this inside missing scream after living him away you just had too….

And of all the days today you insist your mom on coming to the studio to decide for the collab with Pernia and this happens…

It’s also when you miss the very reason that him having you on WhatsApp had made you happiest to just being in his inner circle and not just a onlooker living the beauty of him away……

But today’s moment the epic timing of things and the way it makes you feel today heart happiest I say!!!!!

Yo landing to words like these every word with a visual him holding you off the ground oookijg you in the eye as he holds you and pulls you down on the floor back…

Some visuals nai etched forever I say!!

Moments!!!!!

 Said it before can scream overa zillion times more there's no face no other face you would wanna eat away slurp away I say THAN HIS!!!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa kuch bhi karlo kaise tho bhi but this one CONSTANT feel of life I say this is now!!!!!

Moments right now like these now you can't keep a straight face on even on a work facetime right now and had to hang up immediately!!!!!!

Him ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaa in daaaadi is the ultimate form n face n way of love for life I say!!!!!!!

This heart this mind this all state of you right now seeing him in that!!!!!!!!

How hard is it to just fulfil that one wish you've wished away for almost all your life now like how hard is it!!!!!!

The only thing human face place ever HIM!!!!!!!!!

Howyuuuuwish!!!!!!

 Getting dunkkkkkkked like this after longest time possible propyyyyy the best then f ever wverrrrrrr!!!!!!

Some feeeeeeeels like comeoutraaaa you deeeep diveen and hiwwwwwww!!!!!

Anybodyyttyyyytg callllll the do toeeeeeer am a thousanddddddd degeeeeeez in loveeeeee!!!!!

N howwwwwuuuuu wish you couwleeee be anyyyy of his hirosimaaaa or the nagasaaakissss that he loveeeed just sooooo you could squisaaaahhhh huggggg kisssss eat him up awaayaaaaaa throug the pic and for realllll most impotentlyyyy!!!!!!!

This maaaaaakik of some Kent’s just days back wen you see this honeeeey sing video and think like talking bout bimmm only like every word almost is talking bout himmmm and save it up on your storeirs highlights on ig cut to days forward and he posts bout it saying it most fav cut off the foxymentary!!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaeeeeeeeee this misssssssssikissing tonight to this level how yuuuu wish toooooo many things tonight how you could be anything he lovedand not this you that he hated this bad!!!!!!   

Just to beeeeee anythung anybody he loved but this!!!!   

This feeeeeeeeeeeel mixly ironux feeeeel tonight to just missssss him like this tonight!!!!!!!

THIS!!!!

 U think it'll get easy with time or over time, it never does, you just somehow learn to live with it...

Ever since this morning of his THAT strong of a dream this feeling it overfilled you with with that much missing just to touch him to smell him to breathe the same air as him in closest distance possible to say the least.......

Like somehow you were hoping thinking it's just that he took hispic off and was still there but nope it's a block only and this realisation today and inspite of deciding not writing anymore this need to just do today...

His doc being selectd for movie awards again back to those days talking bout Filmfare awards with him how it was your most loved thing to the nomination today this level of proud this sudden switch of happy.....

Some moments you just can't help but.....!

To that onepic of his and you alone know how you miss that moment of your mornings...

That soft easy feeeeeel on your eyes state of mind state of your soul the first thing in the mornings to just live that feeeeeeeel of him just being there nothing less but just being there...it's this question always was it too much to ask for too much to wish for!!

To just be...!

It's been feeling weird still trying to change the way you are changing your ways of being and still...

Something's nai!!!!!!!!

Sound of music…

 Some sounds on loop and this weird state of mind it lands you in…..which is also something that had been on your mind lately!

Post block ofc!

On your way back from dinner with mom in the jam this song moon bloom ironic name too on loop and something bout this track always lands you on that terrace of yours living that beauty of him away his sleepy face still smiling away chappal in his hands shortest chaddi possible and that complete existence and being of his every single time this very song…

Knowing when he blocks you he does for years together last time 5 years back and this time you still donno WHAT made you that sure for the first time in life that this time he won’t block you back for SURE ever now like never again will the block be there FOR SURE THIS TIME!!!!!! 

Like that level of surity!!

And yet still happens and now this sudden feeling here in the jam with this track next when again!!!!!!!!

To your mom mentioning bout calling it your karvachauth cause she knows it’s Him sentiment for the mama Shivratri fasting of yours asking when’s the date and that’s also the first thing always you check when it’s mid jan every year to be prepared for well in advance….this time comes on Feb 26th!!

Some days nai inspite of being sure you wouldn’t write no more some moments just sort of pull you to something that need that urge to write out this very feeling right now!!!!!!!

Next when…!

Overall!

Slow healing is still a start to the healing...

 Day 1 at work after longest break ever and it HAD to be in his shoes literally cause now you can almost tie one...

To consider this phase as overall healing and getting better!

Some feels nai a day with too many questions still ringing through hazy mind with not just on antibiotics but too many things and still feels better to be back at work...

His shoes, the dinosaur sock on , mind still full of him confused weirding away even with all the work that you have to get back at......I guess priorities in life don't change can't change just cause the situation has changed nai!

Breeze blocks!!

 When you finally block vish from WhatsApp you now know what it truly takes the level of bitterness to block someone and then to feel and be the same place in his life now is the worst feeling ever......to know that's where you are at now! Just having you on WhatsApp bhi seems like the biggest thing to deal with!

Donno why or how or what made you think this time he wouldn't turn back or block back or disappear like you were that THQT sure of it this time that he wouldn't, even after the words from him...still THAT level of surity and then to miss him in moments where you wanted to live him the most now or lately just this feeling you can't fight or hide away from...also that's making you give up writing completely !!!!!!

Life was much easier before writing, cause he met you more spoke to you more still wanted you in his life, strange feels on some days strange thoughts running through blame it all on the heavy antibiotics together!!

And there are some words and visuals his shirt most fav of yours and his finger everytime finding a great waxed arm of yours his usual first very first thing to do is to run his finger across the skin of your arms and how you looooved living his expression his that one smile away every single time...

Trying to change, giving up and still hurts weirds the same way away...!

Like how were you even so sure of it!!!!!!!

Moments!!!!

 Chill in the air in the balcony with the book with many writings as him all through it and thus one feeeel from back then reading his scripts away!!

To words like these cause it was making you that happy away and then suddenly this wave-like feels passing by!!

Sometimes you think it always hurts like before but today the way it feels like it hurt the most this time......still wondering how sure you were he would stay THIS time...

Like THAT sure...!

Can't!!!!!

 From a wound to a surgery cause it caused infection to still sticking to that one feeeeeel that matters the most of it all living him away.....like there were moments that badly wanting to be written and you just couldn't move your one hand to not being able to sleep straight and you alone know how beautiful it still was with just him being around...

As crazy as this always sounds his presence always had made a huge difference that you can't possibly ever explain or write out...

Now this one book that had almost same handwriting as his and it takes you baxk to the feeeeeel ever since the block the change that you shpudve made long back when he decided bout you.....maybe now you shpuld wjen still not ready to yet!

Its been a weord feel starf to the day already and its been feeling worse this tome somehow like always cause you had that still strong feel that maybe just maybe this time he will stay…

For sure kinda gut feeling you still donno how!!!!

Moments!!

 This one feel of realisation today to not write out when too happy somehow that gets away from you!!

That one moment of your mornings you get that easily used to to live him still in that sleep zone mind that one feel of mornings and the start especially recent few days and now that’s gone too!!

Lilst of things…

It’s bout and in the lilst of things !!

Back!

 Some moments never get easy no matter how many times you've lived that feel!

Block is back!

Jan keeps getting weirder by the day already!

Heart of eyes!!

 He is the ultimate heart of the life I say !!!!!!!

Him in white ayyyaaaaaaaaaa this heart of mine this very moment like everytgujf else happening doesn't even matter anymore!!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaa that one gorgeousness of him in whites forever!!!!!!!

When you are not just face smiling but heart smiling away right now and had to write scream out this missing right now as you can barely write!!!!!!!

Somo moments nai pure magic years back then you think he was wearing that white n blue striped shirt of his don't clearly remember to years after seeing him in white on a different terrace though!!

Day is just made already I say!!!!!!!!!!

Your face right now happiest it's felt after long!!!!!!!!!

Days!!

 Some days no matter what, feels different!!

Still there in that terrace living that beauuuuty of him away...

To just live him your most loved aspect of life I say...

It's been very difficult few days still is hoping gets better soon to experience pain on this level somehow gets thus beautifully overshadowed by these beautiful himcomings...

A moment different versions of him almost every day the way it keeps that smile on youand the calm on the inside!!

If only doctors were as human as they are meant to be! To go through this has been most difficult but there's that thing bout finding beauty in smallest moments of him...

To the wait today to live a moment of his day something's nai beyond logics I swear!!

Waking up!

 The THE heart of your eyes literally!!

With barely 2 hours sleep n yet this feeeeeel to waking upto him is something else...

There's that much in such a lil moment as this one...mind still sleepy n to live him away!!!!!!

Also should've wished for all of him away yesterday when wishing away for the halo cause the glory did appear!!!!!!

Sing miyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Things!!

 The things your body and mind crave when feeling absolute worst bit with a smile on is all beyond logics.......

Missing his halo a bit too much today that says how easy you got used to it that beautifully that you keep checking now n then!!

To the sight of paino in a movie now gives you the instant ick how only what only...

To that call from the property agent asking if you would finalise the same space and that one loud inside silent scream comes out iskiii maaaaaki!!!!!!

Been looking exploring different spaces for the studio and atelier together and this one from outsidelooked neat as it was a bungalow with two floors...

The below floor looked too good but there was something off bout the energy there as it had been shut for 2 years now.....the top floor was like a glass floor and inside there was this beauty of the paino...as a kid watching piano in some movie youd always been fascinated with the idea of how the black and white keys could create such beautiful sounds...and there was this regal charm to it and you always wanted to touch the paino...

The secone you see it that one feeeeeel finally you can touch it and there was a call or something that you check and take a step down or something it was.....like it's a blur now what really happened in that moment and you slip and fall a few steps of with a flip and your armpit was on the edge of the staiecase dome like thing...

In that moment you think not had not a scratch at all till the store help who was with you tells you your shirt on the armpit side was all red and you were bleeding with one leg bruised one arm too...

And rush to the hospital to realise you had a double deep cut in the armpit ever since then the whole process of letting it heal on its own as doctor advised without sticthes has been the worst pain possible...

Cause that involve a regular dressing every alternate day without anaesthesia and the pain the screams after feels of it has been worst!!

Theres this side to what happened and then there's that side your most looooved and awaited moment the himcomings!!

How does this happen exactly how you miss him his touch his sense of presence to live him exactly that way is pure magic...and the way it's the sunshine highlight of your day almost!!

Writinf the moment now sounds weird but it's that need to write how amidst all this there's your calm peace and beauty that you always find in Him... The comfort space for life I say!!

Mornings!!!!

 From waking upto all of him to having coffee and this one comes home!!

Some moments pure happiness like after all these days of pain and discomfort this one visual and you now have the widest possible smile on...

Not exactly as cool as his sneakers but prettttty close same to it atleast color combo wise!

Irony being can't wear it already as yet cause of the lace and two hands!!

This loooooove to copy him since the very start!!

Moments!!

 Too much pain can't move around so mind diversion back to working on single hand edits now n this beauty of some visuals...

When your fav most face in the world constantly draws the attention off n away from it all!!

To this one stole full of him moments from back then...

One of Ur most fav things cause you've literally wrapped him init he has slept on it n when you used to wear he loved holding you away it cause of the feel of the fabric he loved!!

From chai dates in chai Galli to stadium dates on the temple steps in chilly winter late evening's to golden hour terrace dates the stole has lived it all too...

It's like suddenly the mind keeps swaying off n away to all things him.......and how!!

Comfort remains...!

Himcoming!!

 Can barely open Ur eyes now at this very moment but this need to write scream this one out when he has been coming with just lips ever since this!!!!!

This very moment it's also literally just bout kissing you away n then staying that waaaaaaaay same ditto way as he did back in Versova!!

Like you can't move your one arm n straight back sleep position n the waaaaaay he just knows how to move over u just with his lips in zooooomed up version again......

Like now it's this feeeeeel of him still that u can strongly feel this very moment!!

Sing miyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa waaaaaaaaaay how only this very badly this very moment if he only knewwwwww!!!!

Moment of MAGIC!!!!

 In a lot of pain having this lil nap cause of heavy drowsy anti biotic and thus one shut eye for a sec and you see the ultimate zoooooooooooooooomed up version of his pouty loved up lips like almost kissing your nose away kinda zooooomed up version!!!!!!!

Just his lips in the frame like this defiiiniteeeely was another one of those very first time himcomings of his!!

Like you wake up from that wit your lips trying to reach his kinda state now...

These meds are doing something's very beautiful to your mind I say!!!!!!!

Himtrippin away and howwwe!!!!!!!!!

The paino...!

 When your childhood love for thepaino lands you in the hospital literally and the effect of painkillers slowly start to kick in and it all feels drowsy and as you try to turn it's his face is all you see now........it's the sound of his voice his slow whispers and this sudden burst of khushi right now that so much so it wakes you up wanting to hug squish him away and you wake up with pillow in your face...

Moments like this when the pain this beauuuuuuuuuuuuutifully gets all laced up with his face the only face in the world foryou I say in pain or muscle gains I say!!!!!!

First thing to ask the doc still in that bad pain how soon can you get back to workouts and stretches and stuff and that one dirty look they give you in the eye and slowmo reply comes after 1-2 weeks atleast and it needs to start slow!!!!!

So much so for taking a second look at the piano how can someone possssssiblyyyyy be tripping on flatest of man sandals too!!!!!

Like how's that even remotely humanly possible how I wonder what you are!!!!!

How do you sleep now with that sound of him that closest to your ears playing softest tune of his voice away.....like how does a voice make you wanna eat up a person away!!!! Like HOWWWWW nowwwwwww!!!!!!

Photograph...!

 Some pictures no matter what you are doing this one tinggggggg smile on face to the waaaaaay it smoothly switches away to his face close to your nose from this morning and now you don't know how to control or hide away the expression!!!!!

Working on client order schedule and in the middle of the chaos your mind that beauuuuuuuuuuuuutifully goes on a himflight mode and howwwwww!!!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa whattttteeeeeeeeee beauuuuuuty of a singaaaaaaa he is I swear!!!!!!!

Yaaaaaad miyaaaaaa dilneeeeee kahaaaaaa hooooo tummmmmmmmmmm!!!!!!!!

Even at work busy day this song playing and your mind is off and awaaaay to all things him now...!

Himcoming!!!!!

 Yes we are calling it himcoming only cause the core of you refuses to believe it take it any other way I say!!!!!!

It donno why can’t be just your mind alone his vibe his hands his words all of him and every bit of him the waaaaaaaaaay he makes you pushes you to believe it’s him and his love for you his missing for you that’s all there is to it…….

Him in black yes black again and the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaybhe comes you were watching some movie after a day full of searching for the white shoe with a green sole online and the closest match on puma order it right away!!!!!

Something’s nai you bas have to not knowing why you do what you do!!!!!! :D cause the heart just felt like and you go with it!!!!!!

Soooo yeah watching movie living him away every now and then you fall asleep and this side turn cause the other side was itching your face away and the second you turn his nose you bump into and before you could even make sense of him of smell his scent and presence away and the way he starts to kiss you away like in that rush… the sound of his rush the sound of him breathing high it’s that same feeeeeeeeeel of losing sense of everything around it’s just him the sense smell and touch of him in that rush and this one time you suddenly get breathe less or something l……he like always senses that in you and stops for a second the waaaaaay he keeps repeating I missed you I’ve missed you so much like keeps repeating and moves his hand over your face…that’s when you open your eyes and see him feel his skin on the cheek and ask him why you no daadi that very moment he moves a lil back to see you and that’s when you see him in that full glory beauuuuuuuuuty of his in that black shirt looking adoooooooooorably sleepy high that one smile as he checks you out checking him out it’s his face in that moment the waaaaaayvthat smile on him is like ultimate level of happiness for you like that’s your world of happiness right there on his face as and when he smiles….

As you are living him the way he moves his hand finger around your face feeling every detail of your face away to that one nod of his ayyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaa it’s that sudden pull like pulling all of you on the inside out to go rush closer to him that one nod of his……and as you move to go closer the waaaaay he pulls you closer holds you away the way he moves around and over you that rush in him this one moment over looking you in your eyes his nose almost touching yours his lips that . Inch distance from yours and that very moment holding your face away he says I love you a lot man with that nod again and the moments after it’s like losing yourself away in someone with someone like you completely lose that sense of yourself cause you are that full and complete of someone……..your senses your sense of taste touch smell feel anything to everything is just that one someone that kinda feeeeeeeel to the way he was just…………..!

Something’s nai you just wishhhhhhhh could write scream out!!!!!!!

Like it was that beauuuuuuuuuuuuutifully messy and still in that state some sound or music it was you wake up to with that sound of like you move away from that THAT intensity of a kiss and your mouth makes that sound you wake up with that same and that feeeeeel like suddenly again not finding him still there doesn’t make sense like you could still smell him over you around a lil and then not being able to find him you just couldn’t understand what just happened……and you look for your fone under the pillow and check it’s 6 am something and that’s when it hits you it was a himcoming…

That feeeeeeeeeeel to rush and go back to sleep saying to yourself pls continue from there pls pls pls continue…….

And it doesn’t the second you finally wake up you literally run to your workout and first look at yourself and it again that clearly shows on your face that zone you your mind all of you on the inside was still in…

It’s that himzone you were absolutely in like literally drowned in kinda vibe it was to finding this one track in a random list and that feeeeeels!!!!!!!!!

As you move closing your eyes away to still feel him on your skin him breathing him touching him moving around and over is pure madness level of magic I say…

It just blows your mind every single time to feel him live him this way in your waking state…!

To this one post and that feeeeeeeeel crave him and howeeeee but not to just sit in silence at first one big slurppppppppp!!!!!!!!!!!

Sing miyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa how only howwwweeeeeeeeeee only!!!!!!!!!!

Visuals!!!!!

 It had been over 2-3 weeks of knowing him as a friend and ever since then he had been insisting on watching this movie with you.....and just close to this scene of the movie the way he specifically mentions to not miss out on the scenes and story ahead when it's bout her article in the book...

Where she talks bout how it was always right there before her in her life that special person that special feeling and yet she couldn't notice it...and the way beech beech mein he just moves ekdum se changes his leg fold to the other one and looks at you with that one smile.......

And you still don't get it it was only much later that night over the call he talks bout it and bout your dumbness in understanding it!!

Watching this movie always is like literally walking through the moments of realising understanding how much you already were in love with him and him making sure to let you know that!!

Something's nai!!!!!!!

What only!!!!!!!!

All in the details!!!

 Years later your current most fav body wash the exact same one Neutrogena rainbath!!

Is this normal or just feeling alllllll this special as it's the youday...!

The things a missing high mind can make you feel is just beyond !!

LOVE!!!!

 Him = LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Him HIM!!!!

 Him in white shirt ayyyaaaaaaaaaa the like THE HEART of your eyes I say!!!!!!

Watching this movie like it's taking you back to the inox movie chair in that very moment with him by your side...lilllllllll did you know nai how these lil lil things are soon going to add and change your life and you for LIFE!!!!!!!

The waaaaaay he comes straight upto you wearing his white n blue striped shirt with you on the treadmill asks you if he looked ok and you couldn't say a word looking at him in full pants and that shirt the waaaaaaaay he looked that gorgeous and asks you again.....bolna chipkali is it ok for an interview and then watches you lost in him...

It's that feeeeeeeeeeel of even understanding how you could possibly stare someone away like that whilst he was still asking you something and you just couldn't say a word cause that's how beauuuuuuuuuuuuutiful he looked in proper shirt and full pants....

Like it was all written way ahead of time...!

Visuals!!!!!!

Like every single time a new memory of his through n through this movie...

This scene where for the first time you reach out to hold some guys hand ever in your life knowing his parents thing back then......and you try to hold his hand as it was a emotional scene son mom thing and the way he moved his hand away...

It was only much later in the day at Sanghi temple he talks bout it after taking your first picture ever.....still looking at your pic saying you know I thought by mistake your hand was on mine it was only much later did I realise it was for the scene.....and strangely I didn't feel a thing for that scene then looks at you saying maybe cause I was with you...

And you joke bout how embarrassing it was for you and stuff and he again adds that line says in a different beautiful tone this time u know I actually didn't feel a thing cause you were with me!!!!

Like onve you realised its love the first time that he comes to see you on the terrace he actually holds you and tells you my mommy you are from today.......

Not sure what this is tonight like you are writing a moment and his sound of voice this clear from that very moment him holding you still feels like he just did mins back.......like it's all feeling this fresh like it was just yesterday!!

Some visuals some movies I swear!!!!!!

All love!!!!!

 All the love in you every bit of it every ounce of it in you having looooooved him away with all of it how would you even have any left in you for somebody else........

Some nights some movies some moments its like walking through every almost every memory of his...

This one another detail you realise now watching it this camel kurta she wears in a scene years after at his dd space in the meet which you always hope you knew wear the exact same camel kurti with jeans......the waaaaaay he loved that on you like pulls you closer and starts to count the camels over initially adoooooorably and after many far off camels to the strategically placed camels ober you the waaaaaay he would look you in the eye have that smile on and then count the camels away!!!!!!

It's like this clear like you can literally see him right now from that very moment with his exact same expression look in his eyes and that one smile on......

This night I SWEAR!!!!!!!!!

Chippppyyyy how only you are being missed away tonight I swear if he only had the sligtestttttt idea bhi!!!!!

Like Love...!

 Just like Love, films too, it's all bout the lilst details that makes a film what it is...

Makes you love a movie or someone wholefully...!

Ignoring the lyrics of the track just the title does it for you, didn't notice it before but the way the alarm sounded so similar to his laptop alarm from back then at his dd space... To the titel of the track Heart of Life...

Literally did become yours, Him the heart the kidney and all things inbetween of your life I say!!!!!

This one movie and lilst detail bout it and the waaaaaaaay it's bringing him back ayyyaaaaaaa sing miyaaaaaa suchaaaaa cutieeee I swear!!!!!!!