Things!!

 The things your body and mind crave when feeling absolute worst bit with a smile on is all beyond logics.......

Missing his halo a bit too much today that says how easy you got used to it that beautifully that you keep checking now n then!!

To the sight of paino in a movie now gives you the instant ick how only what only...

To that call from the property agent asking if you would finalise the same space and that one loud inside silent scream comes out iskiii maaaaaki!!!!!!

Been looking exploring different spaces for the studio and atelier together and this one from outsidelooked neat as it was a bungalow with two floors...

The below floor looked too good but there was something off bout the energy there as it had been shut for 2 years now.....the top floor was like a glass floor and inside there was this beauty of the paino...as a kid watching piano in some movie youd always been fascinated with the idea of how the black and white keys could create such beautiful sounds...and there was this regal charm to it and you always wanted to touch the paino...

The secone you see it that one feeeeeel finally you can touch it and there was a call or something that you check and take a step down or something it was.....like it's a blur now what really happened in that moment and you slip and fall a few steps of with a flip and your armpit was on the edge of the staiecase dome like thing...

In that moment you think not had not a scratch at all till the store help who was with you tells you your shirt on the armpit side was all red and you were bleeding with one leg bruised one arm too...

And rush to the hospital to realise you had a double deep cut in the armpit ever since then the whole process of letting it heal on its own as doctor advised without sticthes has been the worst pain possible...

Cause that involve a regular dressing every alternate day without anaesthesia and the pain the screams after feels of it has been worst!!

Theres this side to what happened and then there's that side your most looooved and awaited moment the himcomings!!

How does this happen exactly how you miss him his touch his sense of presence to live him exactly that way is pure magic...and the way it's the sunshine highlight of your day almost!!

Writinf the moment now sounds weird but it's that need to write how amidst all this there's your calm peace and beauty that you always find in Him... The comfort space for life I say!!

Mornings!!!!

 From waking upto all of him to having coffee and this one comes home!!

Some moments pure happiness like after all these days of pain and discomfort this one visual and you now have the widest possible smile on...

Not exactly as cool as his sneakers but prettttty close same to it atleast color combo wise!

Irony being can't wear it already as yet cause of the lace and two hands!!

This loooooove to copy him since the very start!!

Moments!!

 Too much pain can't move around so mind diversion back to working on single hand edits now n this beauty of some visuals...

When your fav most face in the world constantly draws the attention off n away from it all!!

To this one stole full of him moments from back then...

One of Ur most fav things cause you've literally wrapped him init he has slept on it n when you used to wear he loved holding you away it cause of the feel of the fabric he loved!!

From chai dates in chai Galli to stadium dates on the temple steps in chilly winter late evening's to golden hour terrace dates the stole has lived it all too...

It's like suddenly the mind keeps swaying off n away to all things him.......and how!!

Comfort remains...!

Himcoming!!

 Can barely open Ur eyes now at this very moment but this need to write scream this one out when he has been coming with just lips ever since this!!!!!

This very moment it's also literally just bout kissing you away n then staying that waaaaaaaay same ditto way as he did back in Versova!!

Like you can't move your one arm n straight back sleep position n the waaaaaay he just knows how to move over u just with his lips in zooooomed up version again......

Like now it's this feeeeeel of him still that u can strongly feel this very moment!!

Sing miyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa waaaaaaaaaay how only this very badly this very moment if he only knewwwwww!!!!

Moment of MAGIC!!!!

 In a lot of pain having this lil nap cause of heavy drowsy anti biotic and thus one shut eye for a sec and you see the ultimate zoooooooooooooooomed up version of his pouty loved up lips like almost kissing your nose away kinda zooooomed up version!!!!!!!

Just his lips in the frame like this defiiiniteeeely was another one of those very first time himcomings of his!!

Like you wake up from that wit your lips trying to reach his kinda state now...

These meds are doing something's very beautiful to your mind I say!!!!!!!

Himtrippin away and howwwe!!!!!!!!!

The paino...!

 When your childhood love for thepaino lands you in the hospital literally and the effect of painkillers slowly start to kick in and it all feels drowsy and as you try to turn it's his face is all you see now........it's the sound of his voice his slow whispers and this sudden burst of khushi right now that so much so it wakes you up wanting to hug squish him away and you wake up with pillow in your face...

Moments like this when the pain this beauuuuuuuuuuuuutifully gets all laced up with his face the only face in the world foryou I say in pain or muscle gains I say!!!!!!

First thing to ask the doc still in that bad pain how soon can you get back to workouts and stretches and stuff and that one dirty look they give you in the eye and slowmo reply comes after 1-2 weeks atleast and it needs to start slow!!!!!

So much so for taking a second look at the piano how can someone possssssiblyyyyy be tripping on flatest of man sandals too!!!!!

Like how's that even remotely humanly possible how I wonder what you are!!!!!

How do you sleep now with that sound of him that closest to your ears playing softest tune of his voice away.....like how does a voice make you wanna eat up a person away!!!! Like HOWWWWW nowwwwwww!!!!!!

Photograph...!

 Some pictures no matter what you are doing this one tinggggggg smile on face to the waaaaaay it smoothly switches away to his face close to your nose from this morning and now you don't know how to control or hide away the expression!!!!!

Working on client order schedule and in the middle of the chaos your mind that beauuuuuuuuuuuuutifully goes on a himflight mode and howwwwww!!!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa whattttteeeeeeeeee beauuuuuuty of a singaaaaaaa he is I swear!!!!!!!

Yaaaaaad miyaaaaaa dilneeeeee kahaaaaaa hooooo tummmmmmmmmmm!!!!!!!!

Even at work busy day this song playing and your mind is off and awaaaay to all things him now...!

Himcoming!!!!!

 Yes we are calling it himcoming only cause the core of you refuses to believe it take it any other way I say!!!!!!

It donno why can’t be just your mind alone his vibe his hands his words all of him and every bit of him the waaaaaaaaaay he makes you pushes you to believe it’s him and his love for you his missing for you that’s all there is to it…….

Him in black yes black again and the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaybhe comes you were watching some movie after a day full of searching for the white shoe with a green sole online and the closest match on puma order it right away!!!!!

Something’s nai you bas have to not knowing why you do what you do!!!!!! :D cause the heart just felt like and you go with it!!!!!!

Soooo yeah watching movie living him away every now and then you fall asleep and this side turn cause the other side was itching your face away and the second you turn his nose you bump into and before you could even make sense of him of smell his scent and presence away and the way he starts to kiss you away like in that rush… the sound of his rush the sound of him breathing high it’s that same feeeeeeeeeel of losing sense of everything around it’s just him the sense smell and touch of him in that rush and this one time you suddenly get breathe less or something l……he like always senses that in you and stops for a second the waaaaaay he keeps repeating I missed you I’ve missed you so much like keeps repeating and moves his hand over your face…that’s when you open your eyes and see him feel his skin on the cheek and ask him why you no daadi that very moment he moves a lil back to see you and that’s when you see him in that full glory beauuuuuuuuuty of his in that black shirt looking adoooooooooorably sleepy high that one smile as he checks you out checking him out it’s his face in that moment the waaaaaayvthat smile on him is like ultimate level of happiness for you like that’s your world of happiness right there on his face as and when he smiles….

As you are living him the way he moves his hand finger around your face feeling every detail of your face away to that one nod of his ayyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaa it’s that sudden pull like pulling all of you on the inside out to go rush closer to him that one nod of his……and as you move to go closer the waaaaay he pulls you closer holds you away the way he moves around and over you that rush in him this one moment over looking you in your eyes his nose almost touching yours his lips that . Inch distance from yours and that very moment holding your face away he says I love you a lot man with that nod again and the moments after it’s like losing yourself away in someone with someone like you completely lose that sense of yourself cause you are that full and complete of someone……..your senses your sense of taste touch smell feel anything to everything is just that one someone that kinda feeeeeeeel to the way he was just…………..!

Something’s nai you just wishhhhhhhh could write scream out!!!!!!!

Like it was that beauuuuuuuuuuuuutifully messy and still in that state some sound or music it was you wake up to with that sound of like you move away from that THAT intensity of a kiss and your mouth makes that sound you wake up with that same and that feeeeeel like suddenly again not finding him still there doesn’t make sense like you could still smell him over you around a lil and then not being able to find him you just couldn’t understand what just happened……and you look for your fone under the pillow and check it’s 6 am something and that’s when it hits you it was a himcoming…

That feeeeeeeeeeel to rush and go back to sleep saying to yourself pls continue from there pls pls pls continue…….

And it doesn’t the second you finally wake up you literally run to your workout and first look at yourself and it again that clearly shows on your face that zone you your mind all of you on the inside was still in…

It’s that himzone you were absolutely in like literally drowned in kinda vibe it was to finding this one track in a random list and that feeeeeels!!!!!!!!!

As you move closing your eyes away to still feel him on your skin him breathing him touching him moving around and over is pure madness level of magic I say…

It just blows your mind every single time to feel him live him this way in your waking state…!

To this one post and that feeeeeeeeel crave him and howeeeee but not to just sit in silence at first one big slurppppppppp!!!!!!!!!!!

Sing miyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa how only howwwweeeeeeeeeee only!!!!!!!!!!

Visuals!!!!!

 It had been over 2-3 weeks of knowing him as a friend and ever since then he had been insisting on watching this movie with you.....and just close to this scene of the movie the way he specifically mentions to not miss out on the scenes and story ahead when it's bout her article in the book...

Where she talks bout how it was always right there before her in her life that special person that special feeling and yet she couldn't notice it...and the way beech beech mein he just moves ekdum se changes his leg fold to the other one and looks at you with that one smile.......

And you still don't get it it was only much later that night over the call he talks bout it and bout your dumbness in understanding it!!

Watching this movie always is like literally walking through the moments of realising understanding how much you already were in love with him and him making sure to let you know that!!

Something's nai!!!!!!!

What only!!!!!!!!

All in the details!!!

 Years later your current most fav body wash the exact same one Neutrogena rainbath!!

Is this normal or just feeling alllllll this special as it's the youday...!

The things a missing high mind can make you feel is just beyond !!

LOVE!!!!

 Him = LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Him HIM!!!!

 Him in white shirt ayyyaaaaaaaaaa the like THE HEART of your eyes I say!!!!!!

Watching this movie like it's taking you back to the inox movie chair in that very moment with him by your side...lilllllllll did you know nai how these lil lil things are soon going to add and change your life and you for LIFE!!!!!!!

The waaaaaay he comes straight upto you wearing his white n blue striped shirt with you on the treadmill asks you if he looked ok and you couldn't say a word looking at him in full pants and that shirt the waaaaaaaay he looked that gorgeous and asks you again.....bolna chipkali is it ok for an interview and then watches you lost in him...

It's that feeeeeeeeeeel of even understanding how you could possibly stare someone away like that whilst he was still asking you something and you just couldn't say a word cause that's how beauuuuuuuuuuuuutiful he looked in proper shirt and full pants....

Like it was all written way ahead of time...!

Visuals!!!!!!

Like every single time a new memory of his through n through this movie...

This scene where for the first time you reach out to hold some guys hand ever in your life knowing his parents thing back then......and you try to hold his hand as it was a emotional scene son mom thing and the way he moved his hand away...

It was only much later in the day at Sanghi temple he talks bout it after taking your first picture ever.....still looking at your pic saying you know I thought by mistake your hand was on mine it was only much later did I realise it was for the scene.....and strangely I didn't feel a thing for that scene then looks at you saying maybe cause I was with you...

And you joke bout how embarrassing it was for you and stuff and he again adds that line says in a different beautiful tone this time u know I actually didn't feel a thing cause you were with me!!!!

Like onve you realised its love the first time that he comes to see you on the terrace he actually holds you and tells you my mommy you are from today.......

Not sure what this is tonight like you are writing a moment and his sound of voice this clear from that very moment him holding you still feels like he just did mins back.......like it's all feeling this fresh like it was just yesterday!!

Some visuals some movies I swear!!!!!!

All love!!!!!

 All the love in you every bit of it every ounce of it in you having looooooved him away with all of it how would you even have any left in you for somebody else........

Some nights some movies some moments its like walking through every almost every memory of his...

This one another detail you realise now watching it this camel kurta she wears in a scene years after at his dd space in the meet which you always hope you knew wear the exact same camel kurti with jeans......the waaaaaay he loved that on you like pulls you closer and starts to count the camels over initially adoooooorably and after many far off camels to the strategically placed camels ober you the waaaaaay he would look you in the eye have that smile on and then count the camels away!!!!!!

It's like this clear like you can literally see him right now from that very moment with his exact same expression look in his eyes and that one smile on......

This night I SWEAR!!!!!!!!!

Chippppyyyy how only you are being missed away tonight I swear if he only had the sligtestttttt idea bhi!!!!!

Like Love...!

 Just like Love, films too, it's all bout the lilst details that makes a film what it is...

Makes you love a movie or someone wholefully...!

Ignoring the lyrics of the track just the title does it for you, didn't notice it before but the way the alarm sounded so similar to his laptop alarm from back then at his dd space... To the titel of the track Heart of Life...

Literally did become yours, Him the heart the kidney and all things inbetween of your life I say!!!!!

This one movie and lilst detail bout it and the waaaaaaaay it's bringing him back ayyyaaaaaaa sing miyaaaaaa suchaaaaa cutieeee I swear!!!!!!!

Again!!!!!

 Wake up with that sense of him and thus need to watch this one again...

This scene the first time you see him in his micro chaddis on your terrace and he tries to pull it down and you ajoke bout it coming off anymore if he tries to pull it out......

Tries to sit on the floor and it being too cold he gets off fataaaak se screaming mummmyyyy karelyyyy it's too cold you had this shawl on and you lay it on the ground and then he lands on it saying his usual signature style hummmmi......

His face before and after landing his ass on the shawl heights of adoooooooooooorableness and you were just smiiiiiiling away living him in that moment the waaaaaay he shyys away over it and holds you by the waist and sleeps on your lap as you try to cover the rest of him with your night kurta....

To love him was like knowing a zillion versions of love in itself and as you do knowing these versions existed in you too......from someone being that careless to caring for him protecting him adooooorijg him was something that all was coming to you that naturally...

Like you just couldn't help but love him in different ways as you discover his different versions away...!

Some nights like this and that one gorgeousness of him i swear navy and the cherry on top was his white shoes!!!!!

It did bring back a zillion memories!!!!!

Be it right from the start to the other picture he had shared with you of his before all this distance started was in a navy blue shirt with a white tee inside and his same gym white shoes on...

Some moments nai fill you up with something that big that's indescribable!!

Over n over again!!!!

 Said it before can scream over a goodozillioj times more nothing in the world possibly makes you happy like THIS the waaaaaaaay anything HIM does and when he comes like this ayyyaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!

When you just wishhhhhhh could squishhhhh eat all of him away in one big slurpppp I swear!!!!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaaaaaaa some days like these when your mom insists on some nav grah Pooja at pedama temple and done with it taking rounds again standing in Prasad line and that one moennt ofbseeinf someone in black shirt and ayyyaaaaa that rush of him fataaaak se and you get on ig to live him and there uohrmost lovedred circle rounding and your mom's phone with you fataak se check and there he was in all HIS GORGEOUUUUUUSSSSSSS glory in a navy blue and that same second check what u r wearing same navy tone shirt ayyyaaaaaa that one strong rush of happiness!!!!!

It's pure madness I know I know but some moments nai you just can't help cause you've been twinning with him right from that first stare him in white tee shirt and chaddis with white shoes and you in that back then fav white tie up shirt living that mirror stare with him away...

Today toooo that level of happiness it just filled you with was beypoooond ayyyaaaaaaaa that one GIRGEOUSSSSS human I say!!!!!!

Seeing him smile puts the biggest heart felt happiest smile on your face every single time every single damntime!!!!!!

Coming home now first thing to take a pic dead tired with the longest day but this level of rush level of him highddddd you are right now sing miyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa you are missed the mostest today of 2025 so far!!!!

SOOOOO faaaaaaaaaaaar!!!!!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaa kuuutttttiiiieeeeee kitttuuuuuu the most delicious dish ever made or discovered I say!!!!!!!

It's that feeling something's didn't change and then somethings!!!!!!

Him in his white shoes !!!!!!!

HEART!!!!!

 Said it before can say it over and over again!!!!!

The HEART of your eyes and life I say!!!!!!!

Second time twinning if it was of today this heart this eye this smile this face can't hide won't hide ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa the waaaaaaaaaay he looks this beauuuuuuuuuuuuutiful in a navy blue shirt and another moment of nostalgia his white shoes...not the same one bit that beauty of some visuals again the way it fataaaak se takes you back in time looking at his feet in white shoes walking the walk...

Ur mom staring at you right now and you can't help or hide this smile away!!!!!!!

This grogeoyssssssssssssssness of his!!!!!!!

Sooooooo soooooooooooooooo beauuuuutiful HEART of your life that one face in the world!!!!!!

Sing miyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa how only you are being missed away if only IF ONLYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!

2nd temple outing for the new year turns out this happpppiest for you!!!!!!

Mornings!!!!!!

 It’s just been one flashback kinda morning aaj tho!!!!!!

Even with no dream of his you just wake up with that some rush of his rushing through you……like changing side and getting on WhatsApp to live him ayyyyaaaaaaaa some visuals nai like he just jumped outta many of your dreams starughtvtk that pic of his……still living that feeeeeel of him half sleepy mind and this call from your model friend she had just woken up telling you how badly she wanted to speak to you first thing and asks bout meeting for lunch and that one feeeeeeel the sound of his voice soon as he wakes up and you hang up on her face…….cause you just got swaaaaaayed with the flashback of his morning sound of voice and how you looooooooooooved that lil husky babyyyyish tone of his voice in the mornings…like his mind still hazy with sleep but his voice wanting to speak to you kinda morning vibe of his…

And this model who recently parted with her husband loves talking to you random stuff cause you never bothered to ask her the what’s and the whys and most of her other friends being judgemental bout it suddenly and she has got close that ways……..so yeah there are times when she randomly calls and you disconnect with some reason cause you are just not a morning call person anymore like you are in that himzone in the mornings soon as you are up it’s almost like meditation and you don’t want to disrupt that state of mind and stay in that zone for a whoiiiiiile till you are ready to go on with the day ahead……

Like today you wake up with that thrill with that rush with something you got no clue bout like that one picture was like him coming out of all your black shirt dreams of his ekdum dhadaaaaaaam se like hero wali entry vibe I say!!

And you bas had to get in the workout after longest time and somehow posting bout workouts makes you stay consistent too somehoooowwwwwww!!!!!!!

So here goes the viiiiibe today rapdancing away to any to every song possible….

It’s this feel nai to suddenly feel that sense of coming alive like you can feel the burst of rush through every vein in you it’s not just a picture charlie not just a picture it’s the sync between the dream and reality kinda vibe to it!!!!!

And you just caaannnntttttttt help it!!!!!!

To this one post on one of your most loved pages cause you love the viiibe of that page and the last visual being of a plastic chair the exact same chair used to be in your balcony back then sitting sleeping on it and talking to him away till the morning hours….

Ayyya that one chair and a zillion memories of it!!!!!

It’s been SOME day already!!!!!!! Shows loudly on your face the rush inside of you…

Sing miyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa how only you are being missed away if onlyyyyy!!!!!!!

Moments!!!!

 What you shared with him is yours alone now…!

People wouldn’t understand even if you sit and explain it out with even if you did go by their rule book of living an ideal life it wouldn’t workout for you otherwise…

It’s not something you decided for yourself it’s not something you didn’t want to change or think of it’s just not you anymore….

Nai hota who nai hota it always come back to that one moment with any other guy cause that will happen and you just don’t see yourself standing there with some other face before you coming closer to you touching you living that space with somebody else freaks you out leave alone spending an entire life altogether……

There’s no switch charlie if one side turns off it’s not a sure thing that the other side too will…

Every person has the right to make a decision for their own life and self , he made his and you made yours…

As simple as that!!

because even after all these years of him having made it so clear even in his absence your eyes just don’t feel the need or the want to see another face leave alone anything else it’s as simple as a face……even if talking to some guy work related thing you always look yaha waha and never really look at someone…

Be it events friends gathering stuff kabhi andar se he hua nai not even for a second or even after those rare few sips down never for once even…….

It’s always been that one search for his face in crowds in traffic in places just to live him…….

Your eyes always looking for him subconsciously like not intentionally some black vento some guy walking in a black shirt or a white shoe and your eyes are drawn towards that visual hoping it’s him just to see him…….

Something’s nai are just that beyond you…be it back then you weren’t prepared to stand there and stare at him walking towards you but you did or that moemnt before the mirror him sitting there tieing his shoelace away looks at you through the mirror and you taking your fone back from the instructor as it was on the table and you just stand there instead living him away……there was no movement nothing in you that wanted to move or look away…like evrythung else going blur and the time stood still for you in full filmy style…

That one face loving every detail as he talked chuckled walked around wanting to live every detail of his including realising how it was to love someone’s sound of voice too…the waaaaaay you would loooooove him saying certain words in his own way…the way his hands would move as he explained some scene out from his whistlingwood days it was all working on you one frame after the other…

It was like reconnecting with someone you always knew…!

It all sounds madness maybe now with the changes but to you it’s always been this way it’s not something you chose you selected it just happened to you…

He happened to you and prolly the BESTEST thing ever in your life for life I say…

So it’s not about you doing things and why you do cause you yourself have no idea bout this!!!!!!

Why it still feels the way it does…!

After all this time!!

Visuals!!!!!

 Like you come back from that moment and that very second your mom notices the change in you and you wonder if it was that evident like she literally says it must be nazar cause suddenly your face looks like it came alive after coming to the temple……

Inside this lil self talk mode lil do they know what just happened…….

Like these moments it’s sooooooo hard to keep calm contain all that excitement joy inside of you and Not let it reflect on your face……but am telling you charlie his face him your absolute most fav human on the face and everything of this planet I say…

It’s always been this way and ab tho it’s something that’s grown with you and like he said doesn’t understand something’s you do and why you do which you yourself couldn’t figure out even after all these years now…

It’s like that one chip in you that you are with can’t dismantle it or can’t remove that chip out I say!!

Like all your way back that one smiiiiiiile on I say keep living him over n over again it’s that sudden shift in you like from neutral to highest speed possible rush inside of you…

It’s been one ironically weird month being birthday month like always forgetting your own birthday again…

With that chat with him of two lines that weird lost feeling grateful still there that you can live him away to this next meet with vishruta did tell her before itself that you won’t be going to her place if she has her parents and stuff around as you didn’t want to get too personal and stuff……

And she mentions it’s just her and her daughter and you go see her as she was leaving the next day……the second you reach you see her grad mom there it was all good initially in her room talk and stuff and you were just bout to leave when her grand mom comes over sits next to you and you knew what’s next……

U almost get off to leave and she holds your hand saying so when are you getting married and stuff and you just nod trying to get off as she keeps pulling you to sit down and the next line she starts of saying see adhrushtam it is to find a guy marriage material not all guys are like that and you immediately stop her saying if somebody doesn’t have any idea about a person or situation it’s best they shouldn’t even comment about it and she still continues saying something and the second it goes to him you ask her to stop it right there not a word about him…..vishruta herself doesn’t know anything bout except for knowing it’s been him all these years and nothing else…

As you were getting out his mom and dad right there continuing the topic and laughing over it……like asking to take it as joke and stuff and you just couldn’t as vishruta comes along out with you you lose it with her saying if it was till you it still was ok cause till then you didn’t even know what the word adruahtam meant ……

It was only on your way back yiu google the meaning and you cry it out!!!!!!

Play fink on your way home and few rounds of walk around the apartment……

To seeing this gym visual in the apartment it takes you to the moment first time you stood up for him when this guy jokes or in a way insults him with something as he was working out with you and you take his side and say something back to the guy……

Be it the times with your mom for the same or that day at her place losing it with her family and finally deleting her……

Her dad asking you what the turnover was monthly with your work didn’t annoy you it was all still ok and till that level of ignoring shit cause that mindset wit work somehow you’ve developed……to inhale good shit and exhale bad shit away mostly ignoring it away……but when the topic switched to an appropriate guy in a way calling inappropriate thing you just couldn’t …

She never really was your friend friend initially when you started off your work the way she joked bout it amongst 2-3 other girls saying Shriya how will you sell these clothes going door to door and you ignore it away…

After that it’s only been birthday wishes with her struggling through husband and in-law issues staying abroad…..from your side it never really was bout attachment or friend friend thing…

To meet her this time too was because she felt it was with your work you’ve changed and don’t have time for her so naam ke liye decide to meet her and this is what it lands with…

Back then with some fight over something with your mom the way he tries to calm you down and tell you things have stayed with you forever now..

Parents you must respect and love karely but not blindly follow everything they have to say cause it’s you first and foremost that must know the right from the wrong and what’s best for you……also you are a poor judge of character which you need to improve on and understand!! U trust easily karely am glad it was me but you need to change that…..

Cause back then them talking bout that guy to marry and stuff and you were like can’t go against her cause mom has always been the dad figure in your life handling everything on her own…….and he overhears your conversation with her bout him in your life and taking his side instead of agreeing to her…..

After that you’ve felt that many a times you think someone is nice friend wise and it ends up with asking for free outfits like eventually something or the other always…..

Even that evening on your way home the sound of his words that clear whispering away in your ears…..

It’s been overall weird or ironic few weeks trying as much possible to focus on work and on yourself but still there was that weird state of mind…..you couldn’t hide or get away from!!!!!

Ur remote!!

 He absolutely was right when he did mention bout how he has your remote controls in his hand!!!!!

Like from what to wbat!!!!!

It wasn’t just the way he spoke to you rvenwtky like it was like ittaaa English tho he never spoke to you in even as friends the way it felt that blunt like one slap almost waking you upto the reality kinda moment it was…..

Then the vishruta thing happened like it was a mix of too many things one after the other and it did land you in that lost state of mind…it’s when you don’t feel a thing and just want to be on your own and mostly you’ve been off work studio wise just working on edits at your own pace…..and this one fever whenever you miss him like this be his Bangalore trip Bombay trip or his some days his absence sort of hits you more and it’s a missing to another level and that’s when the fever pops…….

To having to go to the temple first day of the year as yesterday it was too crowded and when there done with prayer and stuff and you were there with another friend of yours mom too……doing pradakshina and this one sitar sound and that one strong pullllllll fataaaaak se and you get on to see him for a bit and there he was in a charcoal black shirt ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa that one fataaaaaaaaaak feeeeeeeeeeel him in black shirt eyes that adoooooorably sleeeepy like he def missed out on sleep the night before and yet that one asooooooooorable esss of him like he has that particular kid look on him his lip style his shirt style him in black like insides of you screaming away in that moment to fiiiiiiinally see him from that upclose ayyyaaaaaaaaaa that one feeeeeel in that moment or now like now now as you relive him from that picture!!!!!!

He is the HEART of your life for life I say!!!!!!

Like in that moment you forget bout people around temple around go to a corner and living him away with that feeeeel me too me too cause you were wearing a black suit too!!!!!

Some moments nai pure complete madness like that instant rush of something you are filled with and suddenly come alive in the fullest of forms I say!!

First day of the year!!!!!

 First day of the year and this level of sudden burst of khushi you are suddenly filled with!!!!!

Some moments nai are just beyond you like you forget everything else but just that moennt that very moment galti se fall asleep on the couch to turning side now music still playing and that need to see him for a bit still almost asleep and you realise ayyyaa you didn't write scream out bout this one...

Cause it absooooooolutefaaaaaaakingly made your heart sooo SOOOOO happy I say!!!!!!

Heart of life!!!!!

 He is the heart HEART of your life I sayyyyy!!!!!!!!

When that one face just that THAT one face becomes your ultiiiiiiiimate favourite face of LIFE I saaaaayyyyyy!!!!!!!!

Ayyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa kuuuutiiieeeeeeeeeee kiitttttuuuuuu krishnamooorthyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!

When he comes like this in black who bhi after all the colors and when you are luteeerrrraaaaaally twinning away with him in black from distance!!!!!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaaaaaa this face that face this you right now can’t stoppppppp this smiiiiile on your face right now like you just cantttttttt standing away from everyone and living that beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuty of him away in that picture!!!!!!!!

This face this one face heaaaaaaart and everything of your life I swear!!!!!!!!!!!  

Visuals!!!!

 It’s almost magic like how some visuals just sort of pull you out of the present and take you back to one of your many most fav memories with him…

Post new years dinner with mom this one lane very chowpatty Bombay style near Inorbit with food trucks ice cream bandis you stop by at for some ice team……

This one car on the opposite side where the girl gets down guy out she brings her own plate of something and they both have it on the car…..

Chai galli back then evening street lights on him getting down as you get down he insists on you sitting inside the car him at the dosa bandi under the orange street light……and that was one of your most fav visuals of him him standing there under those lights looking all the more beautiful as he turns around looks at you knowing your eyes must be glued onto him like you could sense that surity in the way he turns around with a smile on him sets his hair away smiles at you and gets on with the order…….it’s these moments where in your heart you feeeels the happiest luckiest person alive on the planet to always looking up feeling grateful away just for HIM…….

As he walks towards the car he chuckles away nods away watching you live him away like that and comes into your side of the car and you ask him what it was bout him still chuckling away nodding away and leans over looks yaha waha chummis you away and says this it’s you……since the beginning in this galli you always look at me this way and I love it like it just looks at me this way…..

Sits closer to your leg asking you to play some music still with that smile on……it’s the way he would remember lilst detail bout you lilst moment lived with you like exactly know how you woood react to a certain thing or gesture of his…….like literally know you inside out!!

And it had always been that way how you looooooooved living him away doing random most things in that same galli starting starting him taking you there for chai in the winter evenings orange street lights and how you loooooved the way he would walk up there turn around look at you ask in ishaara big cup or small cup or want some food along kinda thing……and you just nod away to everything then point on himself and you fataaak se nod away with excitement!!!!!

There was something that beautiful magic like almost the way he would glow different under those orange lights the way he would walk upto you with that one smile on still always nodding knowing your loooooooove to live him away…..it’s like you didn’t wanna miss out on a single visual of him maybe for nights like these…

His hands his arms his face his cheek his chin his beautiful sky like forehead his shoulder his feet his walk his smile his that one nod that one adooooooorable sound of his voice screaming mad at you and that was also your most loved tone of his voice to his fone chummis sometimes the first thing soon as you say a hello he would start of wit his shower of kissies for almost a min and that’s when you know he for sure is coming to see you tonight like on some days you could sense that missing more than the regular day…

Where to where only it went………

It was a quiet new years mom not understanding why the fever and it’s been over 10 days prolly now it’s just this state of lostness to today finally having the new years dinner and this need to be in a place that feels like Bombay and then to find a visual that gets you closest to him - BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!

Be it the dream this morning with his kissies telling you something to a moemnt like this one to a memory writing like right now the way it come back to the same moment his kissies…….!

Miss him miss all of him and also more so now him with the halo too!!!!!!

The way this one thing happens with the dream this morning his song koi aane wala hai was the background music to the complete dream of his from this morning…!

Something’s nai beyond logic I say!!!!!!!!!