Missing!!!!!

 This deeeeep him diving away like there’s that need to add the himness in almost everything that you do just soo you can feel and live him more!!

Be it styling the store and you see this glass bangle stall and buy and wear it after years the first and only time being with him by him at yadhirigutta!!!!

Decade later to wear it see it in your wrist that feeeeeel of him to going to this antique pot store at the other end of the city and on the way his Škoda service centre…to heading to get the manequins to another location passing by ranigunj Sai baba temple and necklace road ofc it was like one moment of his to a zillion others and one after the other!!!!!!

Even as you start to write now this feeeeel this missing ever since then…!

It’s this this thing always be it back then or years after even now anything small or big the first and only person that need to share has always been him…be it the store corners things to share with him or your first ever Bollywood outfit sourcing for tamana with sidarth movie and of all the places in Bombay it had to be shipped to the stylist in Versova … like not sure what’s this even how this be possibly this accurate precise when it comes to all the himmagic that you breathe through your days and seconds of your day……

It’s getting beyond you like how do you even not miss him like this!!!!!!

This mind right now still from that moemnt moments back!!

Moments!!!!

 One single day and there are over a zillion moments that you may come across and then there is this tiny lil fragment of a moemnt like this one that sort of makes the other any other moment or thing seem non existential almost!!

To live him to live a moment of living him living his details like you just did seconds back even be it in a dream this feeeeeeeeel right now this very feeeeel right now rushing through you!!!!!!!

His eyes that beauuuuuuutifully sleepy his that one sleeeepy gorgeous smile to just be able to live a moment of him like this too!!!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaaa singaaaaaaaaaaa how only you are being missed away abhiiii k abhiiii!!!!

When you avoid writing him cause there’s that bad of a missing happening ever since that day like you can’t just can’t think anything at all beyond him and you know writing only fuels it more and then there’s this beauuuuuty of some moments to just be able to live him breathe him from this close even for a dream…

This very mind right now!!!!!!!

THE brain!!!!!

 Brain magic at absolute best!!

So much planning at work for the store and still manage to forget most important things on day to day level.......

The same brain exact visits a lane after more than 12 years and one turn in the lane and you know just right there to the left will be his Skoda service centre and then to find it right there that one rush of him through you in an instance ayyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!

This beauty of his places and to live him there close your eyes and the exact moments lived there rushes through you like hesgday was a big day all him day inspite of it being a work day still......

It's going to be a long night writing tonight I say!!

U wake up no dream but this heart and mind still smiling away to living him from yesterday's moments!!

That one just now line did ring too deep nai...

Still smiling away living him from yesterday!!

Vocal wordy!!

 When you know once you sit down to write it's going to be a looooongpain cause the thingzzzzzzz his places do away to your mind are just beyond words...any amount of words can't possibly define it out!!

Gvk and a zillion memories lived there where even in the second last scene this brown jacket Tommy wears is exactly ditto same as his one from thus one gorgeousssssssssss pic of his by the lake side...

Seeeeeee this is what writing does to you didn't wanna write feeling too much away so you instead be first time vocal bout it trying to get it out of you and do a audio thing and then even then writing it out here!!!!!

Strangely this new thing tried felt good speaking out even a line of missing him feeling him away this much just did something, that shift again!!

Kyaaaaaaa thoooooo bhiiii kaisaaaaaa tho bhi!!!!!!

Singaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!

Loooove!!!!

 This level of looove to live his moments away!!!!!

Something's nai something's only...!

Going Sunday he went yesterday to movie with him was double the experience ALWAYS one for the movie and more for him, to live him away with his expression his focus his adooooooooorable focussed expression watching reacting to the movie and his love and respect to wait for the end credits through...

Kyaaaaaaaaa thoooooo bhiiiiii!!!!!!!!!

Himzoned himhighdddd!!!!!

 It’s these lilst of moments be it editing working on looking for some right kinda music to go along with the mood of the reel…..and this weather suddenly gets this beauuuuuutifully drizzly and you decide to head out for a bit on a lil drive around all by yourself and ofc the driver!!!!!

Playing his music and this viiiiibe of him from those days that one pic of his with lucky brings back the BEST memories of your life literally!!!!!

At his place him running gliding walking dancing sometimes around having lived him that much there to his navy shirt to his that specific smile that you loooooooooooooved absolutely!!!!!!

Ayyaaaaaaaa the waaaaaaaay wooooooosh bolke he takes over your mind like the most beautiful cloud I say!!!!!!

It’s like you were almost flying like that kinda himhighddddd!!!!!!!

To finally finding that track that you again misssed him with the words the mood of the track and you decide that one…..

To editing some extra clips and you find this you laughing in it and this realisation after long hearing you laugh like that over something goofy the model does and you actually crack up and pin drop silence after cause that’s how loud you were…..

It’s that feeeeel charlie cause not like that anymore you are much more serious and keep to yourself…

Like that you with him you really REALLY miss the waaaaaaaay he would bring out the best of you like you still like yoruself today too the way you have grown stronger with time……but that you with Him was the most feminine you’d ever been specially comparing the you now and then that was your most beautiful feminine self ever it was his love poora ka pooora!!!!!!

It’s when someone loves you truly they do bring out the best in you and he always did loved you even when you were nothing at all and HOWWWWWW!!!!!!

It just hit and felt very different years after to hear your own laughter like that!!!!!

To the other moment common moemnt being when it gets cold outside the car and inside the windows get steamed up even the other day out with mom way back from work windows get like that and that feeeeel of the stadium place that one moemnt with him and getting caught by the cops…ever since then everytime that visual of the window brings every second every move every inch of him along and hiwwwwweeeeeee!!!!!!

Even now as you sit down for edit again this feeeeeel of his face his forehead his arms his smile his frowns his that one signature nod ayyyaaaaaaaaaa heart of your complete life and soul I swear for life!!

Just when that same feat and worry hits you with news bout bad weather in Bombay you get worried about him and knowing you can’t do a thing bout it…..he posts that post and that sudden something calms away inside of you he is good he is good he is safe kinda feel…

Something’s nai you can’t help it be it that habit of yours or this one just before sleeping playing his music on his channel and everyday for years now that one wait to find some any music of his and today it happens just when you get sleepy and head over to his channel and see this new update!!!

Am telling you charloe if there’s anything apart from all him and his presence that can possibly make you THIS happy anything other than him it’s his musiK…

That’s your own lil world of happiness right there!!

Ayyyaaaaaaaaa this feeeeeeeeeel as that one psyyyyy of a track plays on loop now!!!!!!!

Singaaaaaaaaaaa you gorgeous gorgeousssssss lil big adoooooorabke thing how only you are being missed away I say!!!!!!!!!

Psyyyyyychedelic!!!!!

 To find his music after yeaaaaaars!!!!!!

THIS level of happiness right RIGHT NOWWWWW!!!!!!!!

Some habits nai and out of all a sudden after years thus very moment the waaaaaay it makes you re realise whyyyy you always loooooved his musiK too!!!!!

Cause it all eventually did start with the sound of his musiK the Fink…!